Issues with separation/divorce

Guest101

Top_Girl wrote: »

I agree there should be flexibility around the days.

However, he chose to move away and thus, should be responsible for the travel IMHO. It shouldn't affect the child/ren at all unless he starts causing it to affect them, which would be him being out of order.

It wont affect the children whether mum drives half way, or each parent picks them up....

sheramber

You say lots of social events happen at the weekend. That applies for him as well as you.

pjcox2005

Top_Girl wrote: »

I agree there should be flexibility around the days.

However, he chose to move away and thus, should be responsible for the travel IMHO. It shouldn't affect the child/ren at all unless he starts causing it to affect them, which would be him being out of order.

He chose to move away, but may be best not to jump to assumptions. For example, does your view change if he moved out of the family home so she could live there with the kids, and the most affordable place was 1 hour away. Just a hypothetical example, but in that case it wouldn't seem particularly fair to say he should do all driving for it then.

Marvel1

So you are allowed to have social events on Saturday nights but he isn't?

Typical selfish as I expected really.

anna_1977

Like others i don't see the problem - compromise, it's not about you, it's about the kids!

I'm sure loads of us have agreed something in principle with regards to separation and then decided it doesn't quite work. I think you're being a little tough on him - at least he wants to see his kids!

FBaby

Also the original days we planned that he had them were Wednesday and Saturday night but he is now insisting we swap two Saturdays a month for Sunday's

I think people are missing the bit in bold. What right has he have to insist on any change? Or should she insists that maintenance should be increased by £50 a month to make up for the cost of petrol, after all, it would be for the benefit of the children too.

Guest101

FBaby wrote: »

I think people are missing the bit in bold. What right has he have to insist on any change? Or should she insists that maintenance should be increased by £50 a month to make up for the cost of petrol, after all, it would be for the benefit of the children too.

Have you considered that the OP may say he's 'insisting' when he isn't?

Oakdene

FBaby wrote: »

I think people are missing the bit in bold. What right has he have to insist on any change? Or should she insists that maintenance should be increased by £50 a month to make up for the cost of petrol, after all, it would be for the benefit of the children too.

If he is paying the correct amount of maintenance as dicated by the CSA (or whatever they are called these days) then she can insist all she wants but it may do no good.

I wish couples would just realise that the ones that matter in a separation are the children. Asking to meet half way is no real issue really, if he is working & paying maintenance.

Aced2016

FBaby wrote: »

I think people are missing the bit in bold. What right has he have to insist on any change? Or should she insists that maintenance should be increased by £50 a month to make up for the cost of petrol, after all, it would be for the benefit of the children too.

Why has it always got to be on the woman's terms ? Why is it what suits her and her social life ? They are his kids too. I genuinely have no idea why we as woman hold all the cards. Luckily I don't think along these lines, and if ever in this situation I hope I behave fairly and with dignity

TBagpuss

OP, there's no single right answer.
In general it's reasonable for both parents to share responsbility for making contact happen, so sharing the travel is not an inherently unreasonable request. It can also be positive for the children, as it is a very concrete way in which you and he are able to demonstrate to them that you are supportive of their relationship with their dad, and vice versa.
If I am reading correctly, at present he has the children every Saturday, but would like to have them on Saturday one week and Sunday he next - is that right?
You might consider offering another option - what about his having them every other weekend, but for the full weekend (either Fri-Sun or Sat-Sun, depending on what works). This would give each of you some free weekends for your own social events, it would reduce the amount of travelling needed, and would give each of you time to spend weekends with the children making it easier to plan activities and social events including them.

Obviously if he is trying to dictate what should happen that isn't appropriate, any more than if you try to do so. But it is not inherently unreasonable for him to request / try to discuss changes - situations change, and it's a new situation for you both, just because the current arrangements were what you both agreed at the time you separated doesn't mean they are set in stone for ever - it's quite common for things to change a bit, as you each settle into your new single life and start to get a feel for how the arrangements work.
If you haven't already tried it, you might find that mediation would help in trying to reach an agreement.

If you can't agree, a court would decide based on what they felt to be in the best interests of the children.