Issues with separation/divorce

smiler34

Hi I am having a bit of trouble with my ex husband being awkward with seeing the children. He has moved an hour away, he is now saying that I need to do half of the travelling for picking up and/or dropping off the kids despite saying he would do this job when he moved so far away, who has responsibility for this? Also the original days we planned that he had them were Wednesday and Saturday night but he is now insisting we swap two Saturdays a month for Sunday's. I feel like this is out of order as obviously a lot of social events happen on a weekend and so I feel it would be much fairer if he wants to swap to do it for two Fridays instead. What are your opinions?

Thanks

martinthebandit

What do the children want?

Guest101

smiler34 wrote: »

Hi I am having a bit of trouble with my ex husband being awkward with seeing the children. He has moved an hour away, he is now saying that I need to do half of the travelling for picking up and/or dropping off the kids despite saying he would do this job when he moved so far away, who has responsibility for this? Also the original days we planned that he had them were Wednesday and Saturday night but he is now insisting we swap two Saturdays a month for Sunday's. I feel like this is out of order as obviously a lot of social events happen on a weekend and so I feel it would be much fairer if he wants to swap to do it for two Fridays instead. What are your opinions?

Thanks

Surely 2 weekends each would be best.


as for travel, half way each seems fair enough.


Alternatively each picks up from the other?

ERICS_MUM

What would be the impact of these changes on your children if you agreed to them ?

mark5

The children are his as much as yours and you get them about 70% of the week, so is it that bad that he gets some say in when he gets to see them?

From what your saying he wants you both to have them 2 Saturdays and 2 Sundays each per month which is 50/50, what's not fair about that?

Fridays are a week day, they don't compare to Saturdays and Sundays when it comes to access to your children!

The argument about a lot of social events happen on a weekend applies to your ex as much as you!

jamiehelsinki

I always collect my daughter from her mums and vice versa, with traffic which there usually is it takes about 40 minutes each way.

I would take 1 day each weekend over 2 days every other weekend as it feels like a lifetime when you don't see your child for 7 days.

Sorry I can't see your argument op, you will find as time moves on and things change in your life you both might need to make adjustments to the arrangements, you might find you need to move at some point.

FBaby

The problem is that he seemed to be demanding a change. Surely if he preferred to here then on Sunday why not agree this at the time of separation.

Of course circumstances change but it's not right to expect others to demand that the other facilitate what might not be convenient to them just because they have rights as parent.

When I moved 1/2 hour away I agreed to do all the transport back and forth and that was every weekend because that's what we'd agreed. I didn't like it and it woyld hedge been nice if he'd shown some flexibility especially as he paid no maintenance but I couldn't insist on it.

Aced2016

I really don't see an issue with him having two Saturday's and you the other two! Surely you don't need to go out every Saturday.

With regards to meeting him half way, it's for the child's benefit at the end of the day. Put your own feelings aside and meet him half way. Give him a chance of being on time and with the day's suggested. If he messes up then you can re plan. The children are the only important people here. Not a half hour drive or a social life ! Be classy and be as reasonable as possible so the kids are not affected in all this.

Personally I think it sounds reasonable. And I think you should give it a go.

gingercordial

smiler34 wrote: »

Hi I am having a bit of trouble with my ex husband being awkward with seeing the children. He has moved an hour away, he is now saying that I need to do half of the travelling for picking up and/or dropping off the kids despite saying he would do this job when he moved so far away, who has responsibility for this? Also the original days we planned that he had them were Wednesday and Saturday night but he is now insisting we swap two Saturdays a month for Sunday's. I feel like this is out of order as obviously a lot of social events happen on a weekend and so I feel it would be much fairer if he wants to swap to do it for two Fridays instead. What are your opinions?

Thanks

So currently he has them 4 Saturdays per month. He wants to change this to 2 Saturdays and 2 Sundays. How is this "out of order"? You are not losing any weekend days with them with his new proposal. Why should he lose half of his weekend days for Fridays instead?

I do appreciate however that if you aren't on great terms then any request for change might be annoying - and equally he might not have asked for it nicely.

Surely each taking the whole of every other weekend would be better, and that means less travel for everyone concerned - especially the children. This might lessen your irritation at his request to share the transport.

What do they want?

chesky

How old are the children? What time is he planning to return them on Sunday's?

Top_Girl

Aced2016 wrote: »

With regards to meeting him half way, it's for the child's benefit at the end of the day.

I agree there should be flexibility around the days.

However, he chose to move away and thus, should be responsible for the travel IMHO. It shouldn't affect the child/ren at all unless he starts causing it to affect them, which would be him being out of order.