Old loyalty, new dating and confusion

gettingtheresometime

You don' tell children that you're splitting until they've done important exams.


I've never heard of not announcing you've / you're splitting because a friend is marrying

SandC

You're going to have to go to the bleeding wedding on this basis! Get it over and done with now, it won't take a shine off anyone's wedding plans unless your ex allows it to - but that is her problem, most definitely not yours!

Primrose

I find your post very sad, not necessarily because of your split but because your whole life seems to revolve about what happens on Facebook or what people on there think of you. I think your life would be more productive if you simply delisted yourself completely and got on with living your life without worrying about what other people think. It seems to have stopped you thinking for yourself.


For centuries people have managed their personal and social lives without worrying what other people thought on a social media platform. For goodness sake, you are 35 years old! Accept responsibility for yourself and your actions. Delete your Facebook Account and get on with your life. Sorry to sound so harsh but this post makes you sound like a teenager who hasn't grown up.

TBagpuss

You've split up. It's not reasonable to keep it secret .
Unless you stood up and announced it to the world at the best friend's engagement party, or something of that kind, then friend's engagement is irrelevant.

I'd suggest that you let you ex know that you don't feel comfortable keeping it a secret any longer, phone you closest friends/ family and let them know, then let others know as and when. If this includes changing your relationship status on facebook then do it.

So far as the wedding is concerned all your ex needs to do is to say to her friend "Yes, Riley's Keeper and I are splitting up. But don't worry, that doesn't mean you can't talk weddings or love in front of me" and then move on to discussing what colour the bridesmaids are going to wear, or whatever else they want to discuss. You, and your spouse, are almost certainly nothing like as important to your ex's friend as the friend's own relationship and wedding plan are. Turn it around. Suppose you had told her before she announced her engagement - would you then be saying that you thought she should not tell anyone else, and shouldn't plan her wedding, as it would distract from your split? Of course not.

Meanwhile,go to see a solicitor so you have a clear idea of where you stand and what your options are, and take things from there. don't move out until you've spoken to a solicitor. Staying in the same house is difficult and stressful, but moving out can have practical disadvantages, and financial ones, as renting is expensive.

z1a

Glad that was the short version.

Riley's_keeper

Thank you for all the responses and this is why I asked a bunch of strangers as I would get clear advice.

Let me clear a couple of things up.... I initiated the conversation for the split and told her it had been over for a long time of which she agreed.

My life has been on hold for 6 months but this also has given time to deal with practical stuff too,

I am moving in 3 weeks as I am waiting for the place to vacate that I am going to, I chose to stay to save some money as well as sort out the financial bits and support for our child too. I don't want to live in the same place as I am beginning to feel hate towards her for this whole situation, I know I will pay more to live elsewhere but my sanity and happiness is more important.

Sometimes the BF has taken precedence in certain circumstances and this has caused rifts and I have never had to question their close relationship as they are just best friends (he is also gay and happy with his partner), he would have never let her forget it if anything had overshadowed any part of his wedding believe me.

BrassicWoman - I am not sleeping with the ex there is nothing between us at all, I am pretty cheesed off with the loss of another potential relationship given the way our conversations were going someone doesn't suddenly lose interest overnight. I was open with the new date about my living arrangements and she seemed fine with that.

Primrose - I can live without FB, I am sad yes for losing another potential new relationship, my life doesn't revolve around social media I can take it or leave it and use it to stay in touch with friends abroad and as a cheap way to promote my business. Today I am just really annoyed at what has happened because of agreeing to be part of this.

Probably the kick up the backside that was needed, I am going to end all this sneaking around as it isn't necessary anymore as yes it is only affecting me.

Thank you for your comments

Geoff1963

You need to get your ex off Facebook, and getting out of the house will also help.

BrassicWoman

Riley's_keeper wrote: »

BrassicWoman - I am not sleeping with the ex there is nothing between us at all, I am pretty cheesed off with the loss of another potential relationship given the way our conversations were going someone doesn't suddenly lose interest overnight. I was open with the new date about my living arrangements and she seemed fine with that.

I'm nt suggesting you are; I am saying for me personally it'd be a deal breaker because history tells me it is high risk of either cheating or not being over her. This may not be true for you but why risk it when other men are available?

I am sure moving out is the right thing to do, so am glad you are getting on with that

Riley's_keeper

BrassicWoman wrote: »

I'm not suggesting you are; I am saying for me personally it'd be a deal breaker because history tells me it is high risk of either cheating or not being over her. This may not be true for you but why risk it when other men are available?

I know you wasn't, I would be highly suspicious if the tables were turned !!

Geoff1963

Sharing a house with a person of the opposite sex ( or same sex, as appropriate ) can be emotionally rewarding ; even if there is no sex, intimacy, or even romance. Unfaithfulness isn't a betrayal, because of the physical enjoyment by one's partner ; it is a betrayal because of the emotional reward they gain from the other person. In a relationship, each person wants to feel the other is getting most of their emotional reward, through the relationship ; so they are more motivated to work at it. Imagine 2 people going into business, but one has so much in savings that they could easily cope with the business failing.