Sharing finances equally

Vickylll

Hi, my partner and I have been discussing the best way to share expenses fairly and equitably- given differences in salary and so on. At the moment we both work and put 40% of monthly take-home pay into a joint account which pays for rent, food, some meals out, utilities, joint purchases etc.

We're keen to make sure there's equality in our relationship which is why we opted for percentage of salary rather than fixed amounts as we earn different amounts.

We were wondering how others split finances fairly as a couple? There are many ways of doing it and nothing is a perfect system but we're curious how others define what is fair and how it works in practice!

One of us is about to leave their full time job for a full time student course for two years which means we're going to have to reevaluate how we share our finances, expenses and so on. Any suggestions would be useful.

Thanks.:)

Brodiebobs

Following with interest, always find this subject controversial!

We have always just bunged it in together, then we both know whats going on (although i manage the finances as a rule) but makes surprises hard when I check the credit cards

Have a friend who upon moving their partner in totted up all the 'bills' and splits 50:50 with DP. Despite him earning almost twice the amount she does, and he often appears to events and she stops at home because she has no money :mad:

I also have another friend who is so terrible with money and debt that she is now given pocket money its at her request though as she was continually running up debt, DP paid it off then would do it again.

Shakin_Steve

The wife and I are quite old fashioned. You know, what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine. Not so much a business relationship, more a marriage really.

EssexExile

Shakin_Steve wrote: »

Not so much a business relationship, more a marriage really.

I like that!

When we got married I earned just about enough & the wife was just starting out so only earnt a little. I had paid the deposit for the house. Then I got a big sudden promotion & I was earning a lot but my wife slowly & steadily climbed the ladder until she was earning more. Then I downshifted so I was earning a lot less. Then I retired soon followed by her retiring. Through all that the money just went into one big pot & we each spend when needed, big things get discussed. It probably helps that we both come from pretty poor backgrounds so know how to be careful.

teddysmum

We used my bank account when we married as in those days my husband's employers paid in cash, but we soon made the account joint.


I used to be the bigger earner, but now I am retired and he still works, despite getting his pension, so he is the bigger earner and will remain so, but we have no 'mine and yours'.


Surprises are no problem, as I never get any, but I do all the online banking and savings.

Robisere

We married almost 30 years ago after both had very bad first experiences which caused us both to lose what money we had. Two different ways that happened, two long stories, but when we began married life together it was after living together and discovering that we could share everything, including a joint account and financing our lives with two teenagers. We both worked: OH worked through 3 jobs until finding a very good post as a PA for 3 people with a good salary, whilst I was a workshop foreman in a large garage. We saved and bought a house on mortgage, the kids married and left. Then the sky fell in. I suffered paralysis from an old injury and became disabled, but fought back, retrained and found a good job at a higher salary than my OH. Then the sky completely collapsed: I collapsed again at work, was retired on health grounds and OH had a botched hand operation which meant she could not use her right hand. We both had operations and were both registered disabled, then sold the house and moved counties to retire. Through all this, the kids had two children each and then divorced, moved to be near us with the grandchildren.

None of this stopped us sharing everything: money, debts, everything was struggled against and we now have a good life because we shared all the bad times and the good equally. We love each other very much, but we also respect each other and we have a very close family, mostly because we have faced everything together and supported each other. Life has to be shared, it should not matter which one makes the most money. If you want to have a life together, you need to give up thoughts of "mine" and "yours" to make it "ours".

[Deleted User]

All the money into one bank account.

Bills paid, debt paid then split 50:50.

After the split I do save a bit more than he does towards days out, nights away & Christmas but I don't mind as he does earn about double what I do

Dxxx

meer53

When i was married, both wages paid into joint account, everything paid from there. As long as one of us kept an eye on the balance it worked fine, which we did. I dont like the idea of both having different fixed amounts to spend, if you're with a partner for the long haul then as long as no-one abuses it, it works.

Zanderman

Since co-habiting 20-odd years ago (and eventually marrying too but that's a detail) all our money, earnings or windfalls, has gone to joint accounts. Household expenses all come from those accounts as does car, holiday, social life etc etc. Windfalls (the occ inheritance etc) has been used to pay off mortgage (also joint). Excess is in interest-earning accounts (mix of joint and indiv, because that's the best way to do it but managed as if joint)

Doesn't matter who earns more, we operate financially as a couple - not as individuals. Any other arrangement would have led to massive unfairness over the years as one would have had excess and the other not. And that would not have been good.

We do pay ourselves a personal spending 'allowance' ('pocket money' if you like!) which goes to different individual accounts - used for personal stuff - but in practice much of that is used jointly too.

I have siblings who, with their partners, take the opposite view - and they seem to be always financially stressed - even owing each other money, which seems very weird to me.. So I'd counsel a trusting joint approach to it all - assuming, of course, you're fairly certain that you're together long term!

Edited to add: Your statement;

Vickylll wrote: »

We're keen to make sure there's equality in our relationship....

doesn't make much sense to me. Divvying up your earnings the way you're doing isn't what I'd call equality in a relationship - more like fixing in inequality.

maisie_cat

When my now husband & I bought together I earned about £25k a year more than him. We arranged the mortgage so that I paid 3x what he did to overpay & split the bills 50:50. That left us with the same disposable income each. A few years ago I had to leave my job for medical reasons & we opted to split the whole thing 50:50 until my savings ran out.
Now we have far less money and his salary is used for the mortgage/bills with the balance his disposable spending and my small self employed income is used for the nice to haves as it's not fixed.

Vickylll

Thanks for sharing. It's interesting that most responses are pretty similar. I thought there might be more different approaches to it! Most friends I've spoken to about this don't share finances like this (whilst their parents might have) but by putting fixed amount in together for mortgage, food etc.