My date stood me up and her phone just goes to voicemail

Pyxis

Dreamnine wrote: »

I just left her a polite message - perhaps something bad cropped up for her this evening.

You've done that, left a polite message.

I really do feel you've done all you can, or should.

If she has a genuine reason, your polite message will show her that you are willing for her to respond/explain.

If she doesn't have a good reason, then further contact is pointless, really, and just picking at the wound.

It's horrible, I know.
Better now than 10 dates down the road, though.

Dreamnine

donnajunkie wrote: »

I have not kept track so forgive me. I believe you have had a serious illness? If so did they know about it beforehand? It's possible that has scared them off. Horrible I know.

No, she knew all about my cancer - she is a nurse but from a different hospital.

No word back today, guess I'll have to forget about her unless she contacts me.

davidwood123

You've had a result.

It takes seconds to tell you she can't make it.

She wasn't worth the effort. Move on

Alias_Omega

Hi Op,

Did you message her before you were getting ready? I would not get ready if someone did not message me beforehand, it may be a mid-afternoon "are we still meeting up tonight?".

Sorry to hear that this happened. The last time i was dating was 10+ years ago, i would often travel 30-40 miles for a date (i lived in the middle of no where) and would often fear wasiting my time.

Hopefully they reply, even if its with a "i changed my mind last minute" or "sorry, family issue" but that didnt explain the lack of messages.

onomatopoeia99

Alias_Omega wrote: »

Did you message her before you were getting ready? I would not get ready if someone did not message me beforehand, it may be a mid-afternoon "are we still meeting up tonight?".

Really? If I arrange to meet someone, I'll only contact them beforehand if there's a reason I can't make it, otherwise I'll be there as I've already told them I'll be there - my rationale is that they are a grown up so won't need reminding.

Dreamnine

No, I didn't message her.

The time and place was arranged on Saturday.

Alias_Omega

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Really? If I arrange to meet someone, I'll only contact them beforehand if there's a reason I can't make it, otherwise I'll be there as I've already told them I'll be there - my rationale is that they are a grown up so won't need reminding.

I didnt want to reply to you, as i felt it would steer the thread away from its original topic. I would send a simple message as "getting ready, see you soon" in which i would usually expect a reply. It gives the other person confidence that you are not going to bail on them either.

Its not the 1990's, everyone these days has a mobile phone with Facebook, Emails, WhatsApp and communication is easier that it ever was...unless your around my nan's age (80) which she uses a amstrad telephone.

Sorry op for the thread drift.

GlasweJen

Alias_Omega wrote: »

I didnt want to reply to you, as i felt it would steer the thread away from its original topic. I would send a simple message as "getting ready, see you soon" in which i would usually expect a reply. It gives the other person confidence that you are not going to bail on them either.

Its not the 1990's, everyone these days has a mobile phone with Facebook, Emails, WhatsApp and communication is easier that it ever was...unless your around my nan's age (80) which she uses a amstrad telephone.

Sorry op for the thread drift.

I'm sorry but I'm with onomatopoeia here, I'm 30 and I use social media all the time but if I have an arrangement to meet at X place at Y time I wouldn't think to confirm earlier in the day that it's still happening.

davidwood123

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Really? If I arrange to meet someone, I'll only contact them beforehand if there's a reason I can't make it, otherwise I'll be there as I've already told them I'll be there - my rationale is that they are a grown up so won't need reminding.

Correct.

Checking before makes you seem like you're insecure.

If you make real plans with a set time to meet there should be no need to check on the day

rach_k

Sorry that happened to you OP. If she does get in touch or you see her around, I'd listen to what she has to say. For all you know at present, she could have been sitting in the restaurant across the street feeling very cross that you didn't turn up and she's now ignoring you as she doesn't want to hear your lame excuse

I do think it's a good idea to re-confirm with people the day before or morning of an agreed meet-up. Things happen, people get things mixed up, people forget... so unless you would absolutely rule out dating somebody who is forgetful or disorganised, it's good to check. It gives people the chance to say 'I'm sorry, I'm not going to make it'. I don't think it sounds insecure either, it's just sensible.