Why are staff so quick to stab managers in the back?

xapprenticex

My manager gets on with everyone in the team, everyone laughs and jokes, but as soon as the manager is gone its the same old people talking crap about him and his management style when he isn't there, the very people who appear to be closest to him when he is about.

I am currently being groomed to become a manager in that dept too so im just sitting back and watching how these people operate, its also a good lesson for me. Dont take these people (or your staff in general) as friends because when you are not there they WILL find something to complain about and rile each other up instead of growing a pair and talking to you directly.

Just annoys me, its so deceptive and tbh anyone who gossips, ill never trust.

Im in two minds as to whether i should give him a heads up to watch his back (without name dropping) or just stay way out of it (i dont take part in the gossip).

I dont think there's a question here, it's just a bit of a rant while going into as little detail as possible.

Whats your thoughts on this, assuming you've witnessed/lived it.


(Got a question in there):money:

And dont flame me guys, its too hot for me to fight back.

goatfertility

OP can you stick this in front of your post?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8JyTxp_TNA

ruperts

In my experience it's rarely meant personally or with any genuine malice. Having a good exaggerated whinge about your boss is good for stress relief and also for bonding with other staff who are at the same level as you, as your boss is often one of few things you all have in common.

xapprenticex

goatfertility wrote: »

OP can you stick this in front of your post?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8JyTxp_TNA

Good try, this is more Emmerdale son. :money: Yours was more brokeback mountain but i thought id be nice.

ruperts wrote: »

In my experience it's rarely meant personally or with any genuine malice. Having a good exaggerated whinge about your boss is good for stress relief and also for bonding with other staff who are at the same level as you, as your boss is often one of few things you all have in common.

Hm yeah maybe, its just a bit malicious and two faced for my liking. its something ill have to accept though, management life. the bonding bit i agree with.

TELLIT01

It's often viewed as inadvisable to tell your manager what you really think as that might be career limiting. You have to bite your tongue and get on with things because the manager has the power. As ruperts said, a good whinge when the manager isn't there is a way to get it out of your system.

PasturesNew

It's free team building.

There's an imbalance of power in a manager/staff relationship - and, while everybody might like the manager, it's often not a good idea to show your hand to your colleagues. You might want their job or have aspirations .... and it's not good to "get on with your colleagues" if you stick out from the pack, so everybody follows the lead's position... it's all pack animal stuff.

Nobody wants to look like a "lick 4rse", hence the banter. It's all pecking order stuff really.

GothicStirling

To me a manager who gets on with everyone is a someone with a weak leadership style, and will have trouble when it comes to discipling staff, or minor change management. Personally, I would leave the amateur psychology to the psychologists, and wake up and realise this is how all teams operate.

xapprenticex

GothicStirling wrote: »

To me a manager who gets on with everyone is a someone with a weak leadership style, and will have trouble when it comes to discipling staff, or minor change management. Personally, I would leave the amateur psychology to the psychologists, and wake up and realise this is how all teams operate.

Consider me woken up. :money:

(I think that's grammatically correct)

coffeehound

Can't say I recognise this scenario. Sure managers are criticised for bad decisions, but not generally berated for the sake of it. Probably something that varies a lot from one workplace to another.

The best managers (and teachers) I've come across present as hard and tough when they first start in a new team, and then soften up later. Managers who try to be too nice end up being messed about.

sangie595

Management isn't a popularity contest, and if people can't find something to whine about, then the manager probably isn't doing their job right. I laugh and joke with my staff too. It'd be a poor workplace if we couldn't. I also know that behind my back they say that they know exactly how far to go, and if they cross a line, they know the consequences - firm but fair. And I know they've occasionally thought that I've made a decision they don't like and didn't want to follow. That's tough - I get paid to make those decisions, and the buck stops with me, not them.

The lesson here to learn is not that your staff aren't friends. It is that people at work aren't friends! A lesson we see so often being played out on this page, as people get "turned in" and "let down" by their "friends" at work. Work is an artificial environment. People don't choose to be in each other's company. The "pecking order" is imposed, not negotiated. You can't choose to decide not to be in your colleagues company. That doesn't mean you need to be mortal enemies. It doesn't mean that you don't get on ok. But it also doesn't mean you are friends.

Every once in a while you may actually come across someone who really does become a friend. If that is the case, then that's nice - but keep your friendship out of the workplace. It no more fits in there than assuming all the people you work with are friends. Keep friendships, whether with colleagues or others, outside the workplace, and be professional and objective in the workplace. That way you stand a decent chance of keeping both the friends and the job!

And don't even get me started on sex with colleagues! Just keep that well out of the workplace. It seldom ends happily.

Takeaway_Addict

xapprenticex wrote: »

My manager gets on with everyone in the team, everyone laughs and jokes, but as soon as the manager is gone its the same old people talking crap about him and his management style when he isn't there, the very people who appear to be closest to him when he is about.

I am currently being groomed to become a manager in that dept too so im just sitting back and watching how these people operate, its also a good lesson for me. Dont take these people (or your staff in general) as friends because when you are not there they WILL find something to complain about and rile each other up instead of growing a pair and talking to you directly.

Just annoys me, its so deceptive and tbh anyone who gossips, ill never trust.

Im in two minds as to whether i should give him a heads up to watch his back (without name dropping) or just stay way out of it (i dont take part in the gossip).

I dont think there's a question here, it's just a bit of a rant while going into as little detail as possible.

Whats your thoughts on this, assuming you've witnessed/lived it.


(Got a question in there):money:

And dont flame me guys, its too hot for me to fight back.

There isn't a manager on this earth that this doesn't happen to.

Ultimately not every decision you make will be right in everyones views, someone will almost always take umbridge with it.