Why are staff so quick to stab managers in the back?

xapprenticex

sangie595 wrote: »

Management isn't a popularity contest, and if people can't find something to whine about, then the manager probably isn't doing their job right. I laugh and joke with my staff too. It'd be a poor workplace if we couldn't. I also know that behind my back they say that they know exactly how far to go, and if they cross a line, they know the consequences - firm but fair. And I know they've occasionally thought that I've made a decision they don't like and didn't want to follow. That's tough - I get paid to make those decisions, and the buck stops with me, not them.

The lesson here to learn is not that your staff aren't friends. It is that people at work aren't friends! A lesson we see so often being played out on this page, as people get "turned in" and "let down" by their "friends" at work. Work is an artificial environment. People don't choose to be in each other's company. The "pecking order" is imposed, not negotiated. You can't choose to decide not to be in your colleagues company. That doesn't mean you need to be mortal enemies. It doesn't mean that you don't get on ok. But it also doesn't mean you are friends.

Every once in a while you may actually come across someone who really does become a friend. If that is the case, then that's nice - but keep your friendship out of the workplace. It no more fits in there than assuming all the people you work with are friends. Keep friendships, whether with colleagues or others, outside the workplace, and be professional and objective in the workplace. That way you stand a decent chance of keeping both the friends and the job!

And don't even get me started on sex with colleagues! Just keep that well out of the workplace. It seldom ends happily.

Brilliant, I believe i understand how it works now. separating work and friendship makes a lot of sense too.

Last paragraph, i'm heading in that direction, I asked her out and she said yes but i dont think I'll pursue beyond friendship because of potential future issues. Too many people say to keep relationships out of work (even though she is not in my dept) and i have no doubt there is good reason. And considering my career path, the last thing i need is scandal.

TELLIT01

Separating work colleagues and friends outside work is certainly one way to minimise the risk of a conflict of interest. We had major problems one place I worked when several people were taken on at the same time, all from another local firm which had gone bust. They were all good mates, but hadn't actually worked together in their previous employment. With the new firm one came in as a team leader and the others all on the rung below. A couple worked directly for the team leader as part of a larger team, and friction quickly built because his favouritism towards his mates soon became very apparent.
You could cut the atmosphere with a knife, but it took months for higher management to accept that there was a problem, and even longer for them to do anything about it.

20aday

OP you're right in saying the best thing is to keep out of it.

At the end of the day whilst it might feel "morally right" to tell your Manager what you colleagues are saying behind his/her back the adage "shooting the Messenger" is quite often true.

There's the risk you wouldn't be believed but not only that, even if you were, these people might turn the tables and do the same to you.

Just turn up to work, do your job, then go home again.

Tahlullah

I am a manager and I have work colleagues who I respect greatly. But they are not friends. Because I am the manager, I regularly upset them with decisions that I make. This is not deliberate, but based on the needs of the organisation.

As was said above, I am paid to make decisions and sometimes, those decisions are not liked, but nevertheless still stand.

And because of that, your work colleagues will stab you in the back and disparage you when you leave the room, however much you get on when together.

As long as you realise the balance of power is not equal, you will be fine. It comes as part of the territory. If it is going to upset you, don't go for promotion.

paddyrg

sangie595 wrote: »

Management isn't a popularity contest, and if people can't find something to whine about, then the manager probably isn't doing their job right. I laugh and joke with my staff too. It'd be a poor workplace if we couldn't. I also know that behind my back they say that they know exactly how far to go, and if they cross a line, they know the consequences - firm but fair. And I know they've occasionally thought that I've made a decision they don't like and didn't want to follow. That's tough - I get paid to make those decisions, and the buck stops with me, not them.

Sounds just right. When you have the decision others don't like, you can simply point out that you are working with extra information that they do not know by virtue of being in a management position and so dealing with future, not just the present. Most people seem to understand when you put it that way.

And getting too close and pally can limit your ability to manage. I am actually a close friend with a couple of my guys (both very senior roles similar to mine) who I know from other jobs, but by and large I stay generally a little apart from most of the crew as I know at some stage I'll have to sack one. A little distance also means people don't feel familiar enough to get complacent when I'm around. The manager who only wants to be liked is David Brent.

xapprenticex

^ Lol David Brent, nice. Thanks for the info guys. I will definitely be taking it all on board, puts things into perspective, bear in mind im new to this side of work life so im learning and its not really something they teach you at work.

20aday

Tahlullah wrote: »

I am a manager and I have work colleagues who I respect greatly. But they are not friends. Because I am the manager, I regularly upset them with decisions that I make. This is not deliberate, but based on the needs of the organisation.

As was said above, I am paid to make decisions and sometimes, those decisions are not liked, but nevertheless still stand.

And because of that, your work colleagues will stab you in the back and disparage you when you leave the room, however much you get on when together.

As long as you realise the balance of power is not equal, you will be fine. It comes as part of the territory. If it is going to upset you, don't go for promotion.

I'm hoping to become a manager where I work in the next few months (assuming everything works out OK).

You're right in saying the decisions you make won't always be liked but that's your job; and from what I've experienced personally although people might grumble at first in the long run they'll see you were right.

And for those times it wasn't the right decision you'll know where to improve things the next time it goes pear shaped.

xapprenticex

bugslet

I like to think I get on and vice versa with my staff. Where I can, I'll make life as easy as I can, the job is hard enough without me adding to it, but that doesn't mean that if a hard decision or difficult action has to be taken, I don't do it.

I don't consider any of them friends and I dont have them as friends on FB or any other social media site.

Tigsteroonie

I wouldn't say that it's only the manager that is the subject of team moans in their absence - it's any member of the team People take advantage of another's absence to have a moan about that individual.