Workplace relationships

Checker99

I've been out with people I work with before. Some ended well, some not so much. I've been at my current job for a couple of years now and it's a good job, so I kind of made a rule when I started that I wouldn't dabble in a workplace dalliance at this job. The best laid plans and all that...

Anyway, along comes this girl, who I've been working with (not that closely, different departments) for a few months now. She's always been very friendly to me, which I thought nothing of at first, though she seems to be getting friendlier as time goes by. Finding reasons to see me, not wanting the conversation to end, etc... We don't even talk about work related stuff any more. She's either very friendly or she's interested. To be honest I can't figure out which of the two it is.

If I wasn't interested in her this would all be a moot point, Thing is the more we talk the more I think about her when she's not around. It's starting to do my head in a bit.

So I guess the obvious thing is just to ask her out and see what happens. Part of me wants to do this as I'm genuinely curious as to whether she's interested in me or not. Should I break my rule about workplace relationships though?

coffeehound

How much do you value your job? I've seen a couple of workplace romances that have ended up with someone resigning.

boliston

I think the key is to keep it away from the actual office - other employees don't want to have to use a sick bag :eek:

hazyjo

Said it loads on here before as this subject comes up every now and again, but I work in an office of around 50. One partner is married to a lawyer. Another is dating a lawyer (and he dated another one several years before her). Another (female) partner is with someone who used to work with us. A trainee is dating another trainee. In our other office, a partner is married to a lawyer.

Honestly, it's so bloody incestuous. I'm sure there are more I'm forgetting.

If it's right, go for it. Just make sure it's a serious attraction - boyfriend/girlfriend, not sexual where you just want to sh*g her after a drunk office party now and again!

Suppose it also depends on the company's policies - but can they really say don't fall in love with someone you work with? That would surely be ridiculous.

Jx

Pollycat

hazyjo wrote: »

Suppose it also depends on the company's policies - but can they really say don't fall in love with someone you work with? That would surely be ridiculous.

Jx

They could decide to move either one of the people to another department with possibly less chance of promotion or overtime.
Of course, it depends on how big the company is and how closely the OP and this girl work together.

It could also affect both their jobs if they are seen to be talking together about non-work related stuff, as the OP seems to say they are.

boliston

hazyjo wrote: »

.....
If it's right, go for it. Just make sure it's a serious attraction - boyfriend/girlfriend.....

How can anyone know from the start how "serious" it is?

hazyjo

Pollycat wrote: »

It could also affect both their jobs if they are seen to be talking together about non-work related stuff, as the OP seems to say they are.

Not sure I get that - it just indicated a friendship rather than a relationship between work colleagues who'd talk mainly about work. Would have thought it would stand more chance of affecting their jobs if they were talking about work stuff rather then non-related...

boliston wrote: »

How can anyone know from the start how "serious" it is?

You can't tell if you would want a relationship with someone or if the attraction is sexual? Not saying the two can't go together, just that the OP would surely know if he'd want to date her or have a one night stand after the office party...

Izadora

Checker99 wrote: »

She's either very friendly or she's interested. To be honest I can't figure out which of the two it is.

You might have to ask her. I met my OH at work and we spent about 5 years skirting around the issue, not sure if the other one was interested or just friendly!! Fortunately he's much braver than me so, because it was doing his head in, asked me outright one day. That was about 4 and a half years ago and we're getting married in just over 3 weeks

boliston wrote: »

How can anyone know from the start how "serious" it is?

Although nobody can know how a relationship will work out, when you've been friends for a little while you should know whether you're interested in something serious or if it's just a casual attraction.

Malthusian

hazyjo wrote: »

Suppose it also depends on the company's policies - but can they really say don't fall in love with someone you work with? That would surely be ridiculous.

Of course not, the policy would be "if you fall in love with someone you work with then either you have a platonic relationship or one of you finds another job". Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm under the impression that romantic relationships are banned in the army and other jobs where you don't want someone to prioritise their love over their job. They can't stop you falling in love, but any employer can ask you to find another job if your ability to do it is compromised.

If they're in different departments and this isn't the army or a business with Chinese walls or any other issues I really can't see the problem. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with workplace relationships, and with the demise of arranged marriages, it's how a lot of people meet.

Pollycat

hazyjo wrote: »

Not sure I get that - it just indicated a friendship rather than a relationship between work colleagues who'd talk mainly about work. Would have thought it would stand more chance of affecting their jobs if they were talking about work stuff rather then non-related...

No, the bit of your post I quoted talked about 'falling in love'.
Nothing about 'a friendship'.

Some companies have a policy of moving people who are in a relationship.
That may - or may not - be to the detriment of one of their careers.

I'm sure an employer would be less tolerant of 2 people chatting about non-work related stuff - especially if it was overtly/covertly sexual - than discussing work-related things which is actually their reason to be at work.

Gavin83

hazyjo wrote: »

If it's right, go for it. Just make sure it's a serious attraction - boyfriend/girlfriend, not sexual where you just want to sh*g her after a drunk office party now and again!

I'd actually suggest that's a better option. Having an office partner could get very messy, sex is just sex.

I've worked with a married couple who were in separate departments (which was fine) and a married couple who worked very closely together (which was not fine) so I think it depends on circumstances as well.