Money Moral Dilemma: How do I ask my flatmate's girlfriend to chip in more?

getmore4less

charmedlizzy wrote: »

I am guessing you both were single when you started living together? This is a common issue. When I started bringing my bf over to my shared house, I had the convo with my friend who said "2 nights a week" which was acceptable. He had his own place anyway, and he rarely spent much time at mine. However, its definitely a subject to bring up sooner rather than later............

On the general stuff if you(as the person with the +1) are sharing your space in both properties a bit at your and bit at the others then that kind of evens out anyway.

If that includes the weeks shop for Food and beer/wine etc and they are out for the similar number of days the partner is home then that can even out also, if not that is serious.

Same with going out the are are 3 rounds not 2 if drinking similar value drinks and these days soft drinks cost near the same as alcohol anyway.


OP Have the talk......

crmism

I think you need to have a quiet word with your flatmate. Explain to him in the most diplomatic terms that his girlfriend needs to make a fair contribution. It's quite possible that he doesn't realise the inequality of the present arrangement or, if he does, he's taking advantage of your generosity.

If you don't wish to broach the subject that way and run the risk of falling out, you could elect to cook for yourself something different from what they want to eat, using ingredients you alone have paid for, and making sure the amount cooked is sufficient for only one person. You might find you have to resort to packet-food and a can for a week or two, but by then they should have got the message.:)

gloriouslyhappy

I agree with most posters - either have the conversation, and work out a deal which will also apply to your guests, or start buying, cooking and eating separately. But best do it soon before any bad feelings build up.

happyinflorida

I would most certainly buy food and or drink if I was eating in a boyfriends flat with his flatmate who had contributed towards me eating or drinking there. That is only fair.

I was brought up this way, to offer to pay always and mean it.

I would feel very uncomfortable to eat and drink regularly somewhere else and not contribute.

I guess she does have an income though? If not, then the boyfriend should pay double or buy more as it's his girlfriend and it isn't fair on his flat mate to expect him to pay out continously for someone elses girlfriend!

hazyjo

Depends on their ages. Sometimes it takes living away from 'home' to realise just how much things cost. If I was say 17 or 18 and round a BF's shared flat twice a week, I'd probably have taken some beers or wine or whatever but I'm not sure I'd have considered the cost of me actually staying or having milk in my tea or some food out the freezer - especially if you've been asked round as a guest. tbh I'd be mortified if my BF's flatmate had a word with me about contributing!

As I said above, I'd just start splitting stuff. Shelf for you and for him, and keep the rest elsewhere. Get a beer fridge for your room if you have to lol!

Glover1862

You could always get a partner, 25 stone USA eating champion to make your point!!

Danien

I lived in shared housing mostly from age 17 to 27, and the best advice I ever got was not only that sharing food never works, but that when not sharing food, items inevitably go missing from the fridge - so the advice I had was to get a fridge in my room, and it solved a whole host of problems.

Talk to your friend, he may not be aware of how you're feeling, or dealing with things financially. Talk to him with a solution in mind - maybe stay sharing food but he contributes an additional agreed amount towards his gf's food and drink each week.

shortcrust

thisisalwaysmyonlinename wrote: »

Life is about enjoying situations and the people around you. No one ever looked back on their life and thought I wish I'd asked for a few quid off my mate because his girlfriend kept coming round, you remember the good times. Don't be so fixated on money, you aren't going to go hungry or default on the rent because of a few good times with friends. Just chill and know that all the good karma you're building up will definitely come back around and help you out in the long run.

What a load of C.

Ebenezer_Screwj

You need to discuss this with your flatmate when the girlfriend is not around. It's not her fault she's getting a free ride, your mate needs to cough up for her share of the food and drink. He may not like it of course, but that's life.

sparky421

Get yourself a girlfriend...