When things hit rock bottom the only answer is to fight the way back up...

Toni'sfriend

Your mother may be more receptive than you think if you open up to her. Mine was like that. Referrals can be long (an indication of just how big a problem this is). One of the things my son did was to self refer himself to a local group (GP might be able to help you with names of such). It was one of the best things he did on his road to recovery. He was allocated a case worker whom he met every week for a coffee. They encouraged him to meet other like minded people and get involved in some (free) activities, Had amazing results. Whilst you're happy in your own company you do need some interaction with others. Not an easy thing to do initially but well worth it I think.
I'm concerned that OH is not taking your financial situation on board. Do you talk to him about it? He seems to be sticking his head in the sand. This seems to be a big problem. It's a Catch 22 situation. You have debts so your stressed - he doesn't help so your debts get worse so you're more stressed. Again you do not have to answer but do you have a good relationship? Are you really able to talk to him about anything and everything.Giving up smoking can be difficult be spending/borrowing £150 a week in your situation just is not on. It's selfish - sorry but he has a wife and children to consider. Hope I'm not being too harsh and upsetting you. I hope you'll take this as a genuine wish to help and not a criticism.

Hiddenidenity

Toni'sfriend wrote: »

Your mother may be more receptive than you think if you open up to her. Mine was like that. Referrals can be long (an indication of just how big a problem this is). One of the things my son did was to self refer himself to a local group (GP might be able to help you with names of such). It was one of the best things he did on his road to recovery. He was allocated a case worker whom he met every week for a coffee. They encouraged him to meet other like minded people and get involved in some (free) activities, Had amazing results. Whilst you're happy in your own company you do need some interaction with others. Not an easy thing to do initially but well worth it I think.
I'm concerned that OH is not taking your financial situation on board. Do you talk to him about it? He seems to be sticking his head in the sand. This seems to be a big problem. It's a Catch 22 situation. You have debts so your stressed - he doesn't help so your debts get worse so you're more stressed. Again you do not have to answer but do you have a good relationship? Are you really able to talk to him about anything and everything.Giving up smoking can be difficult be spending/borrowing £150 a week in your situation just is not on. It's selfish - sorry but he has a wife and children to consider. Hope I'm not being too harsh and upsetting you. I hope you'll take this as a genuine wish to help and not a criticism.

I will ask the gp of there's anything similar. Me and youngest have started going to salvation army for a coffee (it's 50p a session and I get coffee and she gets toast and squash) which has definitely helped the both of us and I don't feel there's any expectations to meet. Just a chat and a drink while the toddlers play.

My mum can be helpful the majority of the timemail, however Im not 'good' enough and she compares a lot to my younger sister who is brilliant. Debt free other than a mortgage (she's 21) but has no kids and done everything the 'right' way in my mum's eyes. Where as I left home to be with OH at 14 and we'll here I am nearly 14 years later x

I have to say since March I'm more determined to be sorted and happy for myself and the children. No one else. No needing to please anyone etc

Toni'sfriend

Salvation Army are great. They might be able to help you with the names of some groups as well. Great that you're going to the toddlers group. I'm sure you'll make some friends but don't put yourself under any undue pressure. Small steps.
My mother always seemed to prefer my 2 brothers to me. Not being paranoid here - even my younger brother admits that it was the case. You are you. You might have made some bad decisions but you're on your way to a better life for you and your little ones. Just keep at it. Keep Positive. Keep posting and we'll all encourage you along the way. You can do this.

Eager_Elephant

Before I comment I wanted to send (((hidden))).

How much rent arrears do you that is under a court order?

I am concerned about you missing a payment on your rent - I work with families facing homelessness due to debt and 1 missed payment can easily become 2 and so on.
Once you have a court order you have to stick to it come hell or high water - its so easy to evict people nowadays. One click of a button and the court get the request and send the letter out with a date.

Is there any way of you making a part payment? You need to ring your landlord and explain the situation.

Could you visit a food bank instead of buying your own food and use the food money for rent?

I am so sorry that your DH is being a douche and won't step up to the mark - what makes him buy all this stuff from work with no heed of the consequences?

Hiddenidenity

Thank you TF xx

EE thank you for stopping by.

The rent arrears are high! About £3500 roughly. They where built up when OH had an accident at work (3 times in one year requiring surgery everyone!)

The agreement is rent plus £12.50 a week paid on a Friday. Our housing have been more than understanding since the court order and have allowed us a 3 week break at the beginning of the year when our youngest was on a hospital stay so no income from OH. So I really don't want to miss a payment I can't see it going down well at all.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet tbh. Ive told him to make sure he sends me £13 he has left after his bus fare. His wage is around £50 short they owe and his manager agreed that should have been in this week's wage so is speaking to payroll first thing. Although he said it's likely it will just be put on next week's wage?

I've text my mum in the hope she might offer some help. If not I'll consider something else.

I don't want to undermine OH but I'm so tempted to speak to his friend who we see outside of work and just tell him that under no circumstances should OH be able to spend a full weeks wage on the shop account. He never used to be able to while still on 3 monthly contracts but now he's on a permanent contract he's done it a few times on things he hasn't even used. They have full access to all tools needed while on site and he has no need for any of the tools off site he just wanted his own (face palm)

Hiddenidenity

Morning again. Little one didn't sleep at all :eek: her pain relief kicked in around 4am though and at least she stopped crying. Awful feeling when you can't just fix what's wrong for them Anyway I hope that means once we've done the school run she will nap! So I can too

Going to sort the kids into school then sort out what I'm going to do money wise.

Kids aren't here for dinner tonight and we'll be having something with mince. Not sure what though. Need to make sausage casserole with the 2 sausages for DS it's not something we like at all as a family but DS has been asking for weeks for some. So plan is use the left over bits in the fridge looking sad :rotfl: get in his good books.

3 items sold on ebay £17.95 not sure what fees will be it's years since I sold on ebay. I was shocked that 3 items at 99p sold for so much. I hope the buyers are happy :cool: my listing where more than accurate though and included 12 pictures of each item. I'll worry until they arrive though. 3 more listed that won't reach the same but even still 3 x 99p is better than chucking it in the bin

Eta: £4.04 eBay fees :eek: 35p to list an item at 99p maybe I'll have to rethink this idea

Eager_Elephant

Excellent work on ebay!!

Just wondering what benefits you get and whether you are entitled to any Housing Benefit?

Hiddenidenity

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

Excellent work on ebay!!

Just wondering what benefits you get and whether you are entitled to any Housing Benefit?

We don't get any housing benefit or council tax etc. Just child benefit and tax credits. I've just requested our tax credits to be paid weekly rather than 4 weekly so at least I know then even if we can't afford anything other than the rent payment. At least if OH does this again I'll have a back up.

Hiddenidenity

Money news.

All 3 ebayers have paid. Need to post

Like some guardian angel logged into my tax credits online and there's a payment on Tuesday. This must be the start if them switching to weekly? Either way no complaints. This nearly covers this week's rent :A I will call housing explain rent won't be paid today but will be paid Tuesday AM and then next week's will be Friday as expected. Phew!

Work have confirmed they owe OH a days wage for bank holIday he worked. Around 50ish I think. It's basic rate not piece work rate 9am-4pm is what the cashed in day works out at. Bad news it won't be paid till next week's wage. Although this should nearly cover what he's already spent out of that wage and it should just be a day down not a day plus what he'd spent.

Going to dash on the school run then sort out the rest

Eager_Elephant

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

We don't get any housing benefit or council tax etc. Just child benefit and tax credits. I've just requested our tax credits to be paid weekly rather than 4 weekly so at least I know then even if we can't afford anything other than the rent payment. At least if OH does this again I'll have a back up.

Great idea with Tax Credits - I agree that weekly is best for you.

If your youngest has health issues have you ever thought of claiming Disability Living Allowance for her?