The debt monster

Path1986

Im not really sure how i am in the position am in, but i felt the need to lay it bare now that i have got it out in the open with my partner. We have been saving every month for a mortgage deposit (150) and also enjoying a few holidays and things, we budgeted i laid out all the debts i had at the time and we worked out how much i had left over. All seemed fine, but in between i had been gambling and drinking as a release from a tough home life, and soon was back into a cycle of payday loans and high apr loans. Which has lead to me having 0 disposable income and then borrowing more to try and fund my lifestyle. After my partner talking about our future and moving forward, i decided to tell her and let the chips fall where they may (probably a poor time to use a gambling analagy). My partner was surpisingly supportive much to my shock and disbelief, i thought we would be over, to be honest we probably should have been. Now we are looking to move forward, i accrued an extra 2700 debts that i should never really have had. My mum, who was just as outraged as my partner, has agreed to help out. And i am looking at moving forward and tackle my issues head on. I am looking for others with similar experiences, who can help me with budgeting, give me advice on places to go to tackle my gambling, and also just to no that im not alone as i feel. Any help would be greatly appreciated. I am in scotland by the way.

colsten

You have done great by opening up to your partner, and you can thank your lucky stars she is standing by you. Now don't let her down again, as she might not stick with you a second time. About your gambling: you must stop it completely. Go to https://www.begambleaware.org for free and confidential help - call them as soon as you can.

To get help with your debts, go to http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=76


Good luck - you can get it all sorted!

mollycat

colsten wrote: »

You have done great by opening up to your partner, and you can thank your lucky stars she is standing by you. Now don't let her down again, as she might not stick with you a second time. About your gambling: you must stop it completely. Go to https://www.begambleaware.org for free and confidential help - call them as soon as you can.

To get help with your debts, go to http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=76


Good luck - you can get it all sorted!

Colsten, you're a good egg!

OP....well done.

Advice regarding the gambling.

I used to spend a fair amount of time gambling.

Lots of wins followed by the frustration of playing it back, winning it again etc etc.

Problem for me wasn't accruing debt, (I was reasonable at it/ had enough cash to usually get me out of any big holes).

But, it completely and utterly became the main use of my time; all day, every single day. To the exclusion of previously enjoyable activities, (excercise, reading, etc).

Going to the football on a Saturday afternoon felt pointless as the opportunity to bet "in play" on hundreds of matches seemed much more sensible (why spend £20+ when I could make lots of money).
I still can't believe I would bet on (for example), Finnish ladies reserve team football!!

One day I worked out my winnings over the amount of hours I had spent gambling, much worse than minimum wage; this was then followed the next day by a fairly hefty loss. My usual response would have been to invest a few days in recovering this loss, but insight had kicked in.....

I was betting for the sake of it; I didn't need the money and I was missing out on life sitting in front of my computer screen.

Long story short, (bit late for that ), closed all my online accounts, have not gone in a bookies shop since.

Result?

Consistent amount of cash, rather than the buzz of winning then the frustration of not being to maintain it. A much more pleasant state of affairs.

A return to the appreciation of simple stuff I'd given up on; walks, seeing people, basically just getting stuff done.

Willpower was enough for me....but help is there for those who need it.

The longer you don't bet the more pointless getting back on the hamster's wheel seems.

I wish you well; get your accounts closed and do not cross the threshold of betting shops.....every time you walk past one it it easier to walk past the next time.....until you wonder why you ever went in their in the first place.

Believe me, this state of mind will come!

Path1986

Thanks guys i have now taken big steps towards sorting my problem. I contacted the national self exclusion for gambling team. And within 20 minutes they have sorted within the next 10 working days i will be barred and they will have my picture. Big step for me. Takes the temptation away completely now i need to build my own self control and take one day at a time. Thanks for youre responses guys, nice to know im not alone!