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evil stance in divorce?
Comments
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I don't believe the bit in bold is true.
My friend's - with a then 11 year old and 7 year old - husband left her.
She also wanted to keep the house but couldn't afford to buy him out.
I specifically asked her solicitor if he could force her to sell the house and the answer was 'yes'.
She hung on for several years - a financial mistake as she later acknowledged - but the house eventually went up for sale.
I believe it is called a mesher order, granted by court as part of divorce. It can delay the sale of house until a child is 17 or 18, more if further education involved. An ex of mine is living this exact situation and her ex husband cannot force sale. Ironically he was threatening not to renew the cheap mortgage deal.
But as I said, we're not solicitors (at least I'm not) so check with them!0 -
The part about being evil re the mortgage deal renewal - that might not even be a choice you have. Depending on the questions on the forms you might have to lie which in turn means to commit fraud to enable the deal to go ahead - are you prepared to do that?0
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Saying that you believe the house sale can't be forced is not the same as a court giving a ruling that a parent can stay in the house until the youngest finishes education.I believe it is called a mesher order, granted by court as part of divorce. It can delay the sale of house until a child is 17 or 18, more if further education involved. An ex of mine is living this exact situation and her ex husband cannot force sale. Ironically he was threatening not to renew the cheap mortgage deal.
But as I said, we're not solicitors (at least I'm not) so check with them!
The OP may wish to read this:Your solicitor should be advising you on this, forcing the sale of the house could be very costly and lengthy, and even if you win it is easy to put people off. Couple that with I believe a sale can't be forced until your youngest is 18 (or older if she does full time education) you could be waiting a long time and having to support at least part of the mortgage or risk repossession.
http://www.marilynstowe.co.uk/2009/03/13/mesher-order-martin-order/These types of orders were common in the 1980s and 1990s, when there was a need to keep less wealthy mothers and children in their homes, because there would have been insufficient capital to re-house them. They fell out of fashion because they were fraught with difficulties. These difficulties surfaced when the time periods expired and the houses came to be sold.0 -
How would it be easier for you to buy another house if your credit rating's been knackered by a house repossession?
It would also affect future rental applications for you.
The thing is, if she cannot afford the mortgage and cannot rent due to failing credit checks, she could not just leave or apply to the local authority, as their position would be they aren't homeless until the day the bailiffs chuck them out onto the street - at which point, you would therefore also have a credit history of defaulting and repossession.
If the property market takes a tumble in that time, it could end up with the forced sale by the bank not covering all the debt - at which point, the bank will also come after you for the difference.
None of this would be to your advantage - even before the impact of her potentially having to go into bed and breakfast accommodation for an extended period of time whilst her homelessness application is dealt with - this could be anywhere in the country and it's possible that she would have to give up work altogether as a result, thereby going onto benefits. Whilst that might appeal to you and seem to be a simple way to have your daughter move in with you permanently, the reality could be very different and you end up with your daughter living over 200 hundred miles away in unpleasant and insecure conditions - and very aware that it's happened because of decisions you've made.
It might work out fine, but it seems to be a very risky strategy to me, all for the sake of 'being evil' to your ex.I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
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So in order for your ex to get what she wants (to live in a house she can't afford) she effectively needs you to put your life on hold for the next ten years to 'help' her. Why would you do this? Why would she expect you to? You are both adults and parents to a child and it appears that the care of that child is evenly fairly evenly split (bar a day a fortnight). I have not been in this position admittedly and so I can't comment from experience but I would be pushing for a clean break agreement.
Nor do I get the 'childhood home' argument! People and families move house all the time, kids are resilient and her new house can and will be made into a home in time as will yours.
I would explore ways of 'safely' forcing a sale with your solicitor, even if you have to be a little more generous in your settlement to sweeten the pain somewhat. If she wants to house her adult child, then the adult child will have to contribute so she can afford the mortgage.0 -
She already gets 80% apparently ..not sure how more generous can it get between 2 working adults unless one of them is a footballer!
What does your solicitor say,op?
Can you argue that she can house herself and her daughter in a smaller place and adult children are not your or her responsibility so no need to delay clean break ?The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.0 -
But in regards to this, my calculations trys to take this into account and is looking at a 80:20 split of assets in her favour, plus some of my pension, even though her overall pension pot is bigger than mine
Why would the split be so unequal?
Why would she get a share of your pension if hers is larger than yours?0 -
Why would the split be so unequal?
Why would she get a share of your pension if hers is larger than yours?
there is a significant age difference (her older by 14 years) and my earning capacity is much higher as i already earn over twice what she does.Drop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0 -
Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »How would it be easier for you to buy another house if your credit rating's been knackered by a house repossession?
It would also affect future rental applications for you.
The thing is, if she cannot afford the mortgage and cannot rent due to failing credit checks, she could not just leave or apply to the local authority, as their position would be they aren't homeless until the day the bailiffs chuck them out onto the street - at which point, you would therefore also have a credit history of defaulting and repossession.
If the property market takes a tumble in that time, it could end up with the forced sale by the bank not covering all the debt - at which point, the bank will also come after you for the difference.
None of this would be to your advantage - even before the impact of her potentially having to go into bed and breakfast accommodation for an extended period of time whilst her homelessness application is dealt with - this could be anywhere in the country and it's possible that she would have to give up work altogether as a result, thereby going onto benefits. Whilst that might appeal to you and seem to be a simple way to have your daughter move in with you permanently, the reality could be very different and you end up with your daughter living over 200 hundred miles away in unpleasant and insecure conditions - and very aware that it's happened because of decisions you've made.
It might work out fine, but it seems to be a very risky strategy to me, all for the sake of 'being evil' to your ex.
ah i think you might have misunderstood, i do not WANT to be evil, and just trying to work out the best solution, as in all reality Happier me sums it up nicely, in that for my Ex to get what she wants, ie live in the house she cant actually afford, it is going to stop me being able to move on with my life for the next ten years, and was wondering if the general consensus was that, not being helpful, by not agreeing to a lower fixed term mortgage, and staying on the standard variable rate, would be evil, as in effect this is likely to force the sale as she wont be able to afford it.
yes i understand it will screw my credit rating for the next 6 years, but thats still less time waiting than what is the other option
this being said, the idea put forward earlier is interesting in a time limit to buy me out, as i could work that in with a new fix deal, so give her another 2 year fix, but after that, its standard rate or buy me outDrop a brand challenge
on a £100 shop you might on average get 70 items save
10p per product = £7 a week ~ £28 a month
20p per product = £14 a week ~ £56 a month
30p per product = £21 a week ~ £84 a month (or in other words one weeks shoping at the new price)0 -
I think you really need to have a long chat with your solicitor about this.
You only need to be providing a roof over the head of her and your daughter; not her 21yo from a previous relationship.
My brother had to force the sale of his house with his ex, it took about 3 years to sell in the end as she was a total b1tch when viewings were happening, also cost in excess of £10k with all the solicitors and court hearings.
I wish you luck, it's a horrible situation to be in0
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