evil stance in divorce?

gonzo127

ok just need a little unbiased opinion.

finally got the decree nisi, so have started discussions on the financial's, now still at a very early stage with this and have not received her proposal, although i have a good idea what its going to included, from previous 'heated discussions'.

anyway my dilemma is the following, she has a 'attachment' to the family home and does not want to sell it. she is using the emotional 'fact' that its the house our (8yo) daughter has grown up in, ignoring the fact she has adapted to living with me for ~6 days out of 14 in my rented house over the last couple of years, and in fact seems to be very happy in 'our home'

the problem comes from the fact she can not afford to buy me out (about £40k from me and my solicitors calculations - well its over that, but giving some position to be reasonable), so will probably want to do some form of arrangement in which i am still on the mortgage, but can not force the sale, but get a % of the house when she eventually sells

this gets worrisome because she can only just afford to keep up with the mortgage payments at the moment due to her eldest daughter (21 but been working full time for the past few years) still living there and paying rent, and the current, very low interest from the fixed rate deal we had.

now would it be 'evil' to take the stance that i will not be agreeing to any further fixed rate deals for the mortgage (current deal ends in October), knowing that this will basically force the sale of the house anyway as she will not be able to afford the new payment?

System

if she cant afford the payments and the house is repossessed, wouldnt that affect you too?

Primrose

Also bear in mind you will be a financial loser even if you DO keep a share of the house for a number of years and are not living in it when it's eventually sold in ten years time when your daughter reaches 18 or whatever as you will have to pay capital gains tax on your share of the profit as it will not have been your prime residence for all those years. This could represent a considerable sum of money, given the way house prices could inflate over this period of time.

Ozzuk

Your solicitor should be advising you on this, forcing the sale of the house could be very costly and lengthy, and even if you win it is easy to put people off. Couple that with I believe a sale can't be forced until your youngest is 18 (or older if she does full time education) you could be waiting a long time and having to support at least part of the mortgage or risk repossession.

That situation may not be clear cut as your daughter part lives with you, hence why I come back to what does your solicitor advise...

KRB2725

Your credit history could be ruined if she defaults on the mortgage. Not sure it would be the best thing to do for your daughter either.

What about asking your solicitor to negotiate an agreed timescale for putting the house on the market? One that allows your ex to possibly increase her income and buy you out but also gives plenty of time for alternatives to be sought?

Did your ex give up work or cut down working hours in order to raise your child?

gonzo127

Judi wrote: »

if she cant afford the payments and the house is repossessed, wouldnt that affect you too?

Yes it would, but only for 6 years, currently my expectations are that she is going to push for when my daughter reaches 18, which puts it at 10 years before I can stand a chance of getting back on the housing ladder, so realistically making the house unaffordable for her brings that forward 4 years

Primrose wrote: »

Also bear in mind you will be a financial loser even if you DO keep a share of the house for a number of years and are not living in it when it's eventually sold in ten years time when your daughter reaches 18 or whatever as you will have to pay capital gains tax on your share of the profit as it will not have been your prime residence for all those years. This could represent a considerable sum of money, given the way house prices could inflate over this period of time.

Thanks, yes that has also been a concern of mine

Ozzuk wrote: »

Your solicitor should be advising you on this, forcing the sale of the house could be very costly and lengthy, and even if you win it is easy to put people off. Couple that with I believe a sale can't be forced until your youngest is 18 (or older if she does full time education) you could be waiting a long time and having to support at least part of the mortgage or risk repossession.

That situation may not be clear cut as your daughter part lives with you, hence why I come back to what does your solicitor advise...

Well my solicitor advises that there is no law which can force me to agree to a new fixed term deal on the mortgage, just because she wants a cheaper monthly payment that she can afford, and I wouldn’t be forcing the sale of the house through the courts as such, as I would just be not helping making it cheaper so she could carry on living there,

which is what im trying to decide if this is evil, yes financially its better for me, and would allow me to get back on the housing market sooner, but morally would it be wrong to ‘force’ the sale by not helping?

emmatthews wrote: »

Your credit history could be ruined if she defaults on the mortgage. Not sure it would be the best thing to do for your daughter either.
What about asking your solicitor to negotiate an agreed timescale for putting the house on the market? One that allows your ex to possibly increase her income and buy you out but also gives plenty of time for alternatives to be sought?
Did your ex give up work or cut down working hours in order to raise your child?

As stated in response to the first quote, yes it would be ruined, but only for 6 years, leaving it to my daughter is 18 gives 10 years, so in reality defaulting is quicker. But the timeframe idea is something I shall run past my solicitor once I receive my ex’s actual proposal.

And my ex did give up work for a couple of years, although that was against my wishes at the time, I did get her to re-train and get further qualifications in that time, although since going back to work she hasn’t actually got a better job. But in regards to this, my calculations trys to take this into account and is looking at a 80:20 split of assets in her favour, plus some of my pension, even though her overall pension pot is bigger than mine

davidwood123

If she wants your daughter to still spend time in the family home you could always suggest she (your wife) moves into somewhere she can afford and you buy her out and live in the house.

Pollycat

Ozzuk wrote: »

Your solicitor should be advising you on this, forcing the sale of the house could be very costly and lengthy, and even if you win it is easy to put people off. Couple that with I believe a sale can't be forced until your youngest is 18 (or older if she does full time education) you could be waiting a long time and having to support at least part of the mortgage or risk repossession.

That situation may not be clear cut as your daughter part lives with you, hence why I come back to what does your solicitor advise...

I don't believe the bit in bold is true.

My friend's - with a then 11 year old and 7 year old - husband left her.
She also wanted to keep the house but couldn't afford to buy him out.
I specifically asked her solicitor if he could force her to sell the house and the answer was 'yes'.

She hung on for several years - a financial mistake as she later acknowledged - but the house eventually went up for sale.

Pollycat

gonzo127 wrote: »

Well my solicitor advises that there is no law which can force me to agree to a new fixed term deal on the mortgage, just because she wants a cheaper monthly payment that she can afford, and I wouldn’t be forcing the sale of the house through the courts as such, as I would just be not helping making it cheaper so she could carry on living there,

which is what im trying to decide if this is evil, yes financially its better for me, and would allow me to get back on the housing market sooner, but morally would it be wrong to ‘force’ the sale by not helping?

My friend's husband - referred to in my previous post - also refused to negotiate on a better mortgage deal when the fixed rate came to an end.
Only you can decide if doing that is 'evil' or morally wrong.
You are providing a stable environment for your daughter.
Would being able to buy a house for her and yourself from the equity in your current house be a good thing?
She lives with you almost 50% of the time.
I'd say it would be a good thing, it's not (from what you post) like you are doing it out of malice.

I personally would avoid anything that impacted on my credit rating.

elsien

If the house were sold, could your ex afford to buy somewhere cheaper? That is what a relative had to do? The financial arrangements should meet both your needs, preferences should come second to that.

gettingtheresometime

The other thing to bear in mind is would you get a mortgage (if you so wished) on a property of your own?


Even if you could you may be subject to the higher rate of stamp duty as the new property, in theory, would be your second property.