I am Back .. cant believe how crazy ive gotten

vodkawitch1

I wouldn`t bother with swopping brands I just wouldn`t buy anything extra. Keep all receipts and show him what the monthly costs are.
Tell him to fit in and contribute or move out.

Pop_Up_Pirate

If you don't share ultimate goals, you will only end up resenting each other.
If he lives with you, regardless of whether he owns another house or not, he ought to be contributing to ALL household expenditures.

As above, tell him to fit in and contribute or move out.

Why do you want to share everything with someone who makes you frustrated?

mumofthetwins

KitKatMum2 wrote: »

Hi Lisa,



For the items he absolutely has to have branded, I use MySupermarket. You can look up the item and select 'Add Price Alert' which sends you an email every time one of the supermarkets drop the price of an item, then you can stock up. This would only work if you lived near lots of different Supermarkets though and I suppose if every single thing he eats is branded you'll end up with a lot of emails! Still, I have it set up for 5 or 6 products and it must have saved me quite a lot over the years. Just a thought

This is great .. I have started the shift down in brands but this would be fab for the odd things like you say ..
im really lucky I have all main supermarkets (and big ones) within a 10 minute drive .. only sainsburyd is a hike so I don't really go there.


Thanks

mumofthetwins

Thanks Guys .. we have started the brand shift down. I did do a shop yesterday only only shopped off the list .. no expensive juices or silly stuff, and I have told him that im not shopping again until next week .. so if he wants it he will have to get it
ill let you all know how it goes
Lisa x

mumofthetwins

So all shopping is in now until sunday so no more popping out and he has already done a couple of pop outs for "posh" biscuts and juice
hopefully he will have more of an idea when he has to buy them ..
However my bloomin oven packed in yesterday ... the bottom one was already broke but I just hadent had time to get a replacement ( I work 2 jobs and with a house full theres not much time left lol) and as the top was working it was ok .. well top one wouldn't turn on to cook my roasties yesterday ...


so awaiting delivery today and I have a friend who is a sparky and has said he will connect it up.


I did tell OH that that has taken a chunk out of my savings and we are going to have to be more economical (clouds and silver linings lol)


so off to start a new thread on tips for keeping a new oven blinged


Thanks
Lisa x

[Deleted User]

Differences in attitudes to money is one of THE biggest causes of arguments when you're a couple - often there's an assumption that it's the same, and it's only when you live together then it becomes apparent. You've got some really good advice so far, and I'd like to add:

1) Make sure that you're not slipping into the Mum role with him as well as your children - you're not his Mum, so don't allow him to be an irresponsible "kid".
2) Start as you mean to go on - I'd recommend a weekly finances session (fix it and stick to it) where you can both go through spending for the week and how you can reduce it/save for the holiday). (If he resists this, you have to ask yourself can you go on with someone who won't face up to facts?)
3) Ask him EVERY DAY what he's done that day towards getting a tenant (no matter how irritable he gets about it - every day he doesn't = more money out of those university funds and who's more important to you?) If he doesn't know where to start, suggest he considers getting an agent to manage it (I do this with a rental property - yes they take 10% of the rent, but they also take a lot of the responsibility too, and it may be that your boyfriend isn't great at taking responsibility? I wonder why his previous relationship broke up?)
4) Make sure that you really have worked through your marriage ending and are not using this relationship to plug those holes. It's a tough question (and forgive me for asking it) but how much are you going to allow him to get away with in order not to be alone again? (I've seen friends of mine completely walked all over because of their fear of that).

Sorry if any of this sounds insensitive - I'm really trying to help and sometimes it's important to look into what's really going on in a realtionship (which looks like it's about money, on the surface).

And it may be that he just needs to learn how to respect and manage money - and that you're going to be his Teacher

Good luck.

mumofthetwins

Corona wrote: »

Differences in attitudes to money is one of THE biggest causes of arguments when you're a couple - often there's an assumption that it's the same, and it's only when you live together then it becomes apparent. You've got some really good advice so far, and I'd like to add:

1) Make sure that you're not slipping into the Mum role with him as well as your children - you're not his Mum, so don't allow him to be an irresponsible "kid".
2) Start as you mean to go on - I'd recommend a weekly finances session (fix it and stick to it) where you can both go through spending for the week and how you can reduce it/save for the holiday). (If he resists this, you have to ask yourself can you go on with someone who won't face up to facts?)
3) Ask him EVERY DAY what he's done that day towards getting a tenant (no matter how irritable he gets about it - every day he doesn't = more money out of those university funds and who's more important to you?) If he doesn't know where to start, suggest he considers getting an agent to manage it (I do this with a rental property - yes they take 10% of the rent, but they also take a lot of the responsibility too, and it may be that your boyfriend isn't great at taking responsibility? I wonder why his previous relationship broke up?)
4) Make sure that you really have worked through your marriage ending and are not using this relationship to plug those holes. It's a tough question (and forgive me for asking it) but how much are you going to allow him to get away with in order not to be alone again? (I've seen friends of mine completely walked all over because of their fear of that).

Sorry if any of this sounds insensitive - I'm really trying to help and sometimes it's important to look into what's really going on in a realtionship (which looks like it's about money, on the surface).

And it may be that he just needs to learn how to respect and manage money - and that you're going to be his Teacher

Good luck.

Thanks corona ..
funny enough I did have a discussion to him about me not being his mam at the weekend and that he needs to start doing things as well


The not being alone thing im not sure on .. deep down we all want someone but I was pretty happy when it was just me and the boys. We still did very thing we wanted, had holidays and they were getting money savy as well, so im not worried about being in that position again ( although breaking up with ex hubbie did kill me)


I am going to start nagging about the house being rented .. he needs to pull his finger out, its walking distance to the town center and our university so im sure it could easily rent, I actually work at the uni and I could probably get a tenant but I wanted to keep out of it if possible, but if he hasn't started to do anything buy the next couple of weeks im going to tell him this and start looking.


Thanks again
Lisa x

PipneyJane

Lisa


It seems to me that you two need to sit down and have a serious conversation about your expectations for living together. This isn't just about money. A couple of questions for you:-

1. Are you charging him rent? What about a share of the household bills? Is he contributing towards the grocery kitty?
2. Who pays for holidays?
3. What about gifts and supplies for each other's children? Who pays for school stuff, the scouts, etc?
4. Who disciplines the children when they are naughty? What is considered an acceptable form of discipline? Can he act in loco parentis for your children and you for his child?

There are other things that you need to cover in "the conversation", like what happens if one of you loses your job or gets a serious illness. There is a reason why Martin goes on and on about Powers of Attorney; live-in-lovers don't have automatic next-of-kin status.


(Apologies, I had a long, much more detailed reply written out which promptly got eaten by the internet gods. I'm usually a lurker.)