I am Back .. cant believe how crazy ive gotten

Aced2016

He has moved into your house ! If he wants all the stuff he likes he should buy them!

Perhaps he moved in to soon ? Although everyone has different expectations of when is right and not. I'm quite strange I wouldn't let anyone move in with me if my husband and I separated lol. But let him see how you live and wish to spend money. As if it continues you will end up resenting him.

And perhaps try Aldis food if you haven't already ? I actually find a lot of their stuff tastes better than bigger brands and it's much cheaper as well !

Siebrie

Good for you, Lisa; make sure to stand by your own signature line!


Your posts raise a few questions, apologies if too intrusive: if he's not in a rush to find tenants, could you find them for him? Do you have any type of contract for the two of you living together? Have you discussed how repairs to any of the two houses will be arranged for and paid? Does he pull his weight in any other aspects of housekeeping, for instance, cleaning, washing, diy, gardening, car maintenance?

mumofthetwins

Hi Guys
we have been together for around 4 years so it isn't a rushed thing and I did seperate nearly 5 1/2 years ago so I think im just used to me and the boys;)


Ive gotten no contracts but I do have on my to do list a will that needs to be written, I leave everything to my 2 and he has a lil boy (who stays 3 nights a week) and his house and stuff are for him.


I have mentioned the tenant thing to him again last night and said he needs to sort it out asap.


all repair costs and stuff we do our own houses, I have just had an extension on the house which I did pay for myself and im pretty lucky that I have a relatively small mortgage.


he does the grass cutting and hovering on a Saturday and bins .. I am a bit of a tidy freak though so I don't mind to much.


I think I just need to be a bit harder and more up front with him ... we are meant to be going on holiday in auguest and ive told him he needs to save for that as well but he just wastes so much.


Lisa x

Gigervamp

mumofthetwins wrote: »

He is a pain .. he always wants fruit juices and silly picky things and not the cheaper ones, he also always only eats half a packet of stuff then wants a different one and throws it out (drives me mad) .. almost like a spoilt child.

Ugh, I had an ex like that. (Note, he's an ex!) He didn't waste food, but gave me a long list of things such as pistachio nuts etc, that were for his own consumption.
We were a family of 5, and I went through the receipt from shopping once and added up all his stuff. It came to HALF of the bill. Meanwhile, the rest of us had to eat value stuff in order to keep within the budget.


About the baths. He doesn't need a bath every day, let alone 2 baths a day. Once a week he can have a soak and relax, the rest of the time, he can use the shower.

He needs to know that you are a family now and he can't carry on as he did when he was living on his own. He has to get over his brand snobbisness, and cut down on the snacking and using too much water, heating etc. If he doesn't like it, he'd be better off moving back into his house.

BTW, I hope he knows all his responsibilities as a landlord if he lets his house out. Securing deposits, yearly gas safety checks, etc.

Good luck!

KitKatMum2

Hi Lisa,

My husband was a bit like this, but I think over the years my frugal side has rubbed off on him a bit as he's got loads better and most of what he eats now is non-branded.

For the items he absolutely has to have branded, I use MySupermarket. You can look up the item and select 'Add Price Alert' which sends you an email every time one of the supermarkets drop the price of an item, then you can stock up. This would only work if you lived near lots of different Supermarkets though and I suppose if every single thing he eats is branded you'll end up with a lot of emails! Still, I have it set up for 5 or 6 products and it must have saved me quite a lot over the years. Just a thought

carriebradshaw

Sneaky brand swaps followed by reality checks are a good way to get him to understand budget a bit more. I've had similar problems myself over the years with my man so I know how frustrating it can be. We had both been married before and then had a jolly 5 years pleasing ourselves how spent our money so it was difficult considering someone else's needs and bills in the early days when we moved in together.

Just a couple of quick examples here : I bought my OH some value ginger biccies at 25p per pack put them in the biscuit tin so he didn't see the package, he didn't notice that they weren't McV's and he happily ate them, so then I told him they were value biccies & we could get 5 packs for under the price of one of McV's he was shocked but the penny dropped. I did the same with some his fave tinned soups, bought lidls instead of Heinz and he actually preferred them,so we just built on it from there, it made a massive difference to the budget and we were stronger for it too.

Another thing of his was he liked to have a whole trout to himself on a Friday and a big sirloin steak on a Saturday every week but didn't notice that I was sitting down to tinned tuna making it last me two meals or a bowl of plain pasta so we could afford it,but when I finally brought it up he said he hadn't realised and just thought I was having what I wanted!

I think expecting 2 baths a day is a definite no, no. I really love a bath but only have them in the Winter when we've got the fire lit and then we've got the hot water as a bonus. We have showers the rest of the year.

It's just communicating these things that's the most difficult to start with isn't it, some people will get the point straightaway,others get seriously annoyed and feel they are being judged. .Good luck and hope you can sort things out happily

alex21

Aww! You are all so nice. Not like me! He is totally taking the p***! Not to mention the food out of your kids mouths (well education fund)

joedenise

I don't think you've gone crazy with the spending it's your partner! Follow up on the ideas on here and you can get back onto an even keel.

Alex 21 has hit the nail on the head really.

Denise

Primrose

I think you have to be tough with him but in the meantime keep the containers for the branded goods, buy own brands and simply decent them into the posh containers. He probably won't even notice. And if you're responsible for buying and paying for the groceries simply don't buy all the fancy stuff. If he wants it let him buy it from his own income and if he can,t afford to let him go without like everybody else does.

If you don't start implementing some discipline now you'll be appearing on the debt forums and hauling yourself back from that situation will be a darned sight harder. Your boyfriend needs to wise up on how to live within an income or he,a going to cause you a lot of problems further down the line.

If you have to chose between funding your kids' education and your boyfriend's expensive tastes recognise now which it's going to be and set up a savings account for them in your own name which he can't get his hands on. And DON'T link your finances either or you could end up in debt having to finance his habits.

Primrose

I think you have to be tough with him but in the meantime keep the containers for the branded goods, buy own brands and simply decent them into the posh containers. He probably won't even notice. And if you're responsible for buying and paying for the groceries simply don't buy all the fancy stuff. If he wants it let him buy it from his own income and if he can,t afford to let him go without like everybody else does.

If you don't start implementing some discipline now you'll be appearing on the debt forums and hauling yourself back from that situation will be a darned sight harder. Your boyfriend needs to wise up on how to live within an income or he,a going to cause you a lot of problems further down the line.