I am Back .. cant believe how crazy ive gotten

Livelongandprosper

mumofthetwins wrote: »

I think I will give this a try .. my kids are fine they just eat what I give them and drink cordial which I always have in ... if I do a shop tonight then I think I will just say that's it until next week and if he wants anything he gets it himself

Good on you

It just sounds like he's never had to worry about what he eats, when, and cost. We on here know the grocery shop is where we have the greatest control My DH used to shop in marks and Spencer's all the time, I mean seriously £50 a week on expensive convienent food and hated that I'd buy YS Then I showed him how I could fill the freezer on Christmas Eve for £50 buying YS. The best of meat that would last us months. That freed up money that allowed us to do other things. Now he's hooked We eat cheap but we eat well and now we both can work part time

maman

I'm exaggerating but beggars can't be choosers' comes to mind.


It's not fair for him to expect you to fund a lifestyle for him that he can't afford to fund himself.


I'd sit down and talk to him about it. Tell him that although you expected bills to rise a bit with one more mouth to feed they have rocketed and you need to budget. Brexit is also partly to blame as all bills are going up.


Hopefully he'll be co-operative but if not then he'll just have to buy his own expensive treats.

honeythewitch

mumofthetwins wrote: »

thanks guys
I have 2 boys who go to a fab school so wouldn't move (they are my top priority) and his is to small in anyway. we have been dating for a few years and decided he should move in and we take the next step.
I know he doesn't earn a lot and still pays mortgage rates and stuff on his house but he doesn't seem in any rush to find a tenant and the amount my energy bills and shopping costs have gone up, what he does give me comes no where near.
I was hoping I would be able to get him to come more round to my thinking and mebbies make changes.
I have told him my priority at the minute is saving for the boys uni .. I know its a few years off yet but they are both very clever and I want to make sure the choice is there for them.
Lisa x

It would worry me that he was in no rush to find a tenant. Partners should help each other out and share, but most people would be anxious to pull their weight as quick as they could.

I think if he has a different way of thinking than you, he is very unlikely to change,and so if you need to manage the finances in a different way, then it needs spelling out to him very plainly.
It is possible that he has no idea that you are finding it difficult.

honeythewitch

MrsLurcherwalker wrote: »

If you want to be sneaky AND save money decant all the goods he likes in a 'branded' item into big jars but cut them 50% with the cheapest economy brand of whatever it is that you can find. Make sure it really is mixed in well and see if he notices any difference. If he doesn't try 40% expensive and 60% economy next time and if he doesn't notice keep reducing the expensive one in the mix, it might save you a fortune. Don't let him see the packets as lots of 'own brand' goods are made and packed in the same factories as the expensive ones and there's not a lot of difference in the taste. What they eye doesn't see the heart doesn't grieve over!!!

You are obviously much kinder than I am, Mrs Lurcherwalker. I would be telling him that it is all we can afford so he has to like it or lump it!

[Deleted User]

I like to keep folks happy if I can and sometimes a solution can be found that keeps everyone happy! makes for a much more harmonious household and even if it IS a little devious it's not too naughty a deception is it?

kazwookie

I agree with honey, him not being in a hurry for find a tenant...............I hope you are sure about letting him move in.

krlyr

Would be like it or lump or in my household too! I bet he soon finds tenants if he wants his fancy brands.

Is there a particular need for 2 baths a day? Are you on a water meter, or it just the additional heating bill.

I would go back to living within your means, with your desired savings pot to put aside, and if he wants more than those funds stretch to, he needs to find the extra himself..a relationship is meant to add to your life, not drain it.

monnagran

It's relatively easy to be standing on the outside of your situation and for us to be advising you on what you should be doing.
It's a very different matter for you, being on the inside of the situation and looking out with all manner of other issues to consider, like emotions, keeping everyone happy, planning for the future etc.

I would just like to say that I think that your first priority is your children. Nothing should ever happen that would have a negative effect on them and you are really doing your best for them in saving for their future. This situation is not of their making.

If I were you I would be a bit anxious about sharing my life with someone who moved into my house and tried to impose their way of life on my household without any consideration for the affect it was having on the other people living there. Especially when it is draining the household finances.

As I say, it is easy to have an opinion when looking at things objectively. I'm sure that you will find your way through this.

Good luck.

x

mumofthetwins

Hi guys
Well I have told him one bath per day and nope heating is not going on until we need it .. layer up and be a man lol
I decided last night not to go shopping and use what we have in, the freezer is full of half opened packets (yep mostly his stuff)
so managed a no spend day and used up some oddities in the freeze .. yay
im defo gonna try the sneaky brand swap when I do go shopping though


Lisa x

Pink_Giraffe

mumofthetwins wrote: »

Thanks ..
yep we do have a shower but he has always said he prefers baths (he only had a bath in his house)

Sorry, this one really annoyed me! I love having a bath, but for time and money's sake I have one once a week max and shower the rest of the time.

Hope the brand swapping works! My OH is picky about brands for certain things, so we stock up when they are on offer, everything else we get own brand and trying to swap these down gradually to economy brands. We also have our own "pocket money" so anything outside our regular shop has to come out of that.