Missing my old life?

davidwood123

Isn't it amazing how you miss the relationship you had with the guy who treated you like dirt and are complaining about the guy who doesn't.

Rosieandjim

We were as poor as church mice but boy didn't we enjoy holidaying on a budget. The best time we had was snuggled up in a small tent overlooking a river in the highlands of Scotland watching kingfishers flying up and down, and stags coming down off the hillsides. A battered old car and the road in front of us.

leespot

Miss165 wrote: »

Just need to have a little vent or something... maybe get an idea of how crazy I'm being? (Currently sat here with tears in my eyes)

I left my partner of 10 years last year. We were in a rut, just getting along more as friends than anything. Overall things were fine but we argued a lot and I just wasn't as happy as I thought I should be.

I have met someone else who I love and care for a lot. And he treats me a million times better and makes me so happy. But financially he has nothing.. now please don't think I'm a gold digger or something because I'm honestly not. I have my own money!

Recently my ex went on this amazing holiday (alone) and I guess I'm just feeling pretty sad because whilst I can afford to go away on holiday, my partner can't and I'm not about to go on my own.

I just needed a place to put this in writing. I wish I could talk to my partner, we talk about everything, but he already feels depressed with his financial situation and me saying all this isn't going to help that!

Sitting with tears in your eyes at 6am is not my definition of being happy.

Why would you be interested in what your ex is doing? It's shouldn't impact on your life and new relationship really, but it seems to have done.

Sit down with your new partner, talk through their money issues, understand them more than you seem to at the moment. If you can't see that you will be compatible in the future then do the right thing - everyone has an idea of how they would like their life to be, it doesn't make either of your ideas of that life wrong.

SandC

I think it's still early days since splitting with your ex in respect of memories are fresh in your mind of how you used to do things. So right now the money thing with your new fella is becoming an issue, not least because you're still in touch with the previous guy enough to know about his recent fab holiday on his own.

Unfortunately you are comparing current circumstances with a year or so ago and that's not the new guy's fault, as you do realise. Let's face it, if you hadn't met this new guy then you wouldn't be going on holiday anyway would you? As you won't go on your own and don't appear to have anyone else to go with?

Financial stuff is a biggie, there is no way around that. But it's early days and if it's just a wobble about your ex's holiday then don't let that ruin things between you. If it's really an issue then other scenarios will start to become a problem sooner rather than later. Get over hearing this about your ex, keep out of contact with him, enjoy your new relationship and see how it goes.

That's my opinion on how to play it right now. If any sort of commitment starts to come into things then you need to sit down and talk it through.

Pollycat

I don't think you're missing your old life, you've just got 'holiday envy'.

Just ask yourself if you would have wanted to go on this fantastic holiday with your ex and then come back to being in a rut, arguing more than you should or not going away at all but spending time with your partner..
If the answer is 'yes to the holiday', it's time to call time on your current relationship.

It's hard to comment much further without knowing more about your partner's financial problems.
I'm sure he feels even worse than you do.
What is he/both of you doing about improving his financial situation?
Does he or do you have an issue with you funding a holiday for both of you?

Soundgirlrocks

Social media doesn't help situation like this, we see edited versions of peoples experiences (holiday's, relationships, work) and get envious. I suspect the amazing holiday that your Ex went on wasn't actually that great. Focus on building your own experience with your new partner, challenge yourself to do something outside of your comfort zone, it doesn't have to be expensive, and yes controversially document it, post on Facebook, then in a year look back through all you have done together. I bet you'll be surprised at happy you look, how amazing your life really is.

getmore4less

Miss165 wrote: »

Just need to have a little vent or something... maybe get an idea of how crazy I'm being? (Currently sat here with tears in my eyes)

I left my partner of 10 years last year. We were in a rut, just getting along more as friends than anything. Overall things were fine but we argued a lot and I just wasn't as happy as I thought I should be.

I have met someone else who I love and care for a lot. And he treats me a million times better and makes me so happy. But financially he has nothing.. now please don't think I'm a gold digger or something because I'm honestly not. I have my own money!

Recently my ex went on this amazing holiday (alone) and I guess I'm just feeling pretty sad because whilst I can afford to go away on holiday, my partner can't and I'm not about to go on my own.

I just needed a place to put this in writing. I wish I could talk to my partner, we talk about everything, but he already feels depressed with his financial situation and me saying all this isn't going to help that!

obviously something is not right you are not as happy as you think you are.

on the point highlighted.

when you want to do something but want other to come and they are not keen or others around you want to do something and have you come along but you are not keen the real measure of how much you or they want to do that thing is will they do it on their own.

if you or they won't go on their own then it is not that important to go.

it is more about being with the people.

Find something you can do together or cough up the extra so they can go on the "expensive" holiday with you, but will that make you happy?

I have been looking recently and there are tons of fairly decent AI deals out there for £500pp to somewhere warm and flight hotel option well under that.

it applies to not just holidays but regular things like shopping, pubs, meals, days out etc.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

How much would you have paid for a holiday?

Take that budget (which means less fancy places, maybe fewer meals out, maybe a long weekend or a week instead of a fortnight) and then go on holiday with the nice guy without expecting him to pay for half. Would your ex have refused to go on a holiday with you if you'd not have been able to pay for it? Would he have gone without you and left you at home alone? Would he have moaned about you stopping him from going on holiday if you hadn't been able to afford half?

And, for heaven's sake, block all further information (FB, etc) about your ex. It's not healthy for anybody.

bearcat16

A mismatch of money can create a weird power imbalance.

Of course everyone's different, but money (or the lack of it) will determine what your lifestyle is. If your with someone who can't afford to do anything while you can, that is frustrating.

I suppose you need to decide if your prepared to re-calibrate your expectations of life, and just get used to the idea of having less money.

Or if not, jump ship.

I'm interested to know if your new partner has any prospects? Poor now but is he working towards a better job, promotion, starting his own business?

mark5

Ok when the guy is better off than the girl, he tends to carry her financially so how doesn't this work the other way?