Relationship dilemma

pinkshoes

lalaluna88 wrote: »

Thank you for your replies.
I'm going to speak to him tonight. Im going to be as honest as I can and hopefully not tiptoe about. I think I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt and give him a chance to change, however he has to get outside help be it counselling or similar otherwise I'm walking, I'm not convinced the motivation is going to be there without outside intervention.
How long is reasonable to see any changes? I don't want to be hasty but also don't want to be taken for a mug?

By the sounds of it he doesn't want to change.

Personally I think it sounds like the relationship has run its course, and it is time for you to move on and perhaps find someone more your type.

He sounds like he would also benefit from having his own space so he can decide for himself if he would like to change!

martinnathalie9

Sorry to hear things have come to this! It's hard to know how long you should give things the second time round. I think, take it one day at a time and you'll soon find out whether you've had enough or not. I'm a firm believer that relationships only work on the second attempt if the problems from the first attempt are fixed, so he needs to take ownership of his issues and look to address them. Like you said, you need to be more assertive, which you're now taking steps to do :-) If both of you can do the above and renegotiate the terms of your relationship, then maybe you can work it out. If not, at least you can start afresh without the 'what if we'd tried X?' feeling.

Fireflyaway

I'm guessing by your user name you are quite young. Do you want to stay with someone always hoping they will change? It would be easier to leave now than wait till you have a mortgage/ are married / have kids and feel completely trapped.
You have pointed out the issues but he hasn't changed. Low self esteem is one thing, but having to always watch what you say / bail him out financially and put up with sulking is wrong. He may even be getting a sense of power from controlling you.
If you were my daughter I'd say leave. Be proud you tried and gave him the benefit, but realise you are worth more and deserve someone who treats you nicely. Don't stay and wake up at 40 to realise you wasted 15 years of your life.