Advice/opinion on contact travel

FBaby

I have to agree that in this instance, when you have to cope with less maintenance and him moving away (and that might be for a valid reason, but was still his doing, not yours), he should be the one finding the extra money to see his son. He has a partner so he has some flexibility. Not saying that the responsibility should shift her way, but ultimately, if she loves her partner, she should want to try to help him be happy which includes seeing his son.

He should look at taking any extra work, asking family to help etc... You are already being flexible beyond what you need to be. Maybe you can reduce week-end visits but increase holiday ones? Easter is coming, can he have him for the two weeks?

jackyann

I agree with those who say that you need to open the conversation.
I don't think that deciding who 'should' do what is helpful.
I'd also like to congratulate you on making such an effort and sacrifice of time & money to facilitate the contact.
Your ex has seen how much you do, so, if reasonable will appreciate that the drop in money makes it difficult.

Only you know best as to whether to broach it when you meet, send an email, talk on the phone etc. but I think you need the conversation.

You don't say how old your son is - can I suggest that at some point you include him? Not initially, but later when sorting out how best to organise journeys etc. he may have some insight. Definitely explain carefully so he nows how decisions were arrived at.

Also, having made the effort and improved the relationship, it may now be in a place where more frequent calls / Skype but fewer journeys can keep it going.

ELLASCORNER

thank you - a few helpful suggestions. There is daily Facetime and telephone contact in place so i am happy that for now i am not preventing any contact.
Son is 9 years old so unable to make any part of the journey himself.

cyantist

jondav wrote: »

Disagree again. Why did the OP buy a house with a mortgage that she couldn't afford with a perfectly workable agreement already in place? This should have been thought of before buying the new house.

But she could afford it. Their agreement also consisted of CMS payments - then these went down by £200 which is why she is now struggling.

tensandunits_2

The father can't afford the money either, by the sound of it. I think the two of them will have to see if they can try and come up with the £30 per month, if it means the boy gets to see his father on a regular basis.

ELLASCORNER

the increased visits have been the issue - i fully agree not the new partners problem which is why i haven't mentioned mine as neither is it his responsibility. no problem with the drop in CMS as his wage has dropped (i made that clear i think). its been the increased visits which has increased my travel costs. i have purchased a new house - i didn't say i had moved.
i will specify that there is no agreement in place - it's something we worked out and i actively did to encourage more frequent visits to our son and that worked.but now it has increased dramatically i cannot afford to cover the costs. me buying a house hasn't made the difference but i was surprised to find myself at fault here for trying to provide a permanent home for my family. i didn't come on here with the attitude that if he wants to see his son then he can do all the travelling, i accept with a pay reduction his CMS will go down and i don't prevent contact and again actively tried to increase contact.
again thank you for all the helpful comments - i will speak with my ex. thank you