Breaking up...financial question

Soundgirlrocks

Guest101 wrote: »

being overly sensitive about gender so as not to give a full picture simply skews the advice given.

Lots of LGBT couples verbally edit gender out when speaking and will use partner/ we/ them/ us rather than gender specific pronouns to avoid unpleasantness, sad that that is still the case but for a lot of people its automatic. Partner is easier to use than spouse which sounds odd.

The OP gave the relevant info in their original post that they are married, than is all the info we need.

OP sorry for your situation, as others have said your mortgage is relatively low and there will be lots of support available. You will get through this.

Pollycat

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

Lots of LGBT couples verbally edit gender out when speaking and will use partner/ we/ them/ us rather than gender specific pronouns to avoid unpleasantness, sad that that is still the case but for a lot of people its automatic. Partner is easier to use than spouse which sounds odd.

The OP gave the relevant info in their original post that they are married, than is all the info we need.

OP sorry for your situation, as others have said your mortgage is relatively low and there will be lots of support available. You will get through this.

But the OP implied an 18 year marriage - which is not possible.

The OP may have been with her partner for 18 years and consider them to be married but that doesn't make it so.

When asking for advice, it's really important not to give inaccurate information.

Guest101

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

Lots of LGBT couples verbally (or in writing presumably? ) edit gender out when speaking and will use partner/ we/ them/ us rather than gender specific pronouns - which is just silly, there is no benefit to this to avoid unpleasantness - what unpleasantness? I think I'd get more stick for being right wing and for voting brexit than if I was gay , sad that that is still the case but for a lot of people its automatic. Partner is easier to use than spouse which sounds odd. - And it's also incorrect

The OP gave the relevant info in their original post that they are married, than is all the info we need. - but it's not, since the first same sex marriage took place on March 29 2014.... civil partnerships came into being in 2004, so again not 18 years.

OP sorry for your situation, as others have said your mortgage is relatively low and there will be lots of support available. You will get through this.

I disagree, we don't know who has PR, who is biologically the mother, who will care for the children

jackieblack

Pollycat wrote: »

But the OP implied an 18 year marriage - which is not possible.

The OP may have been with her partner for 18 years and consider them to be married but that doesn't make it so.

Exactly!

Pollycat wrote: »

When asking for advice, it's really important not to give inaccurate information.

Too true, whatever the reason for doing so, how anyone can expect to get good advice when they give misleading and/or inaccurate information?

Soundgirlrocks

Guest101 wrote: »

Originally Posted by Soundgirlrocks View Post
Lots of LGBT couples verbally (or in writing presumably? ) edit gender out when speaking and will use partner/ we/ them/ us rather than gender specific pronouns - which is just silly, there is no benefit to this to avoid unpleasantness - what unpleasantness? I think I'd get more stick for being right wing and for voting brexit than if I was gay , sad that that is still the case but for a lot of people its automatic. Partner is easier to use than spouse which sounds odd. - And it's also incorrect

The OP gave the relevant info in their original post that they are married, than is all the info we need. - but it's not, since the first same sex marriage took place on March 29 2014.... civil partnerships came into being in 2004, so again not 18 years.

Sadly homophobic attacks still happen, the LGBT community still feel threatened, its often easier just not to bring attention to being in a same sex relationship.

Try using spouse (as opposed to wife/ GF/ husband) in conversation it sound formal and odd. It might be grammatically correct but I will bet it won't flow naturally.

You are picking up on the length of marriage, but with regards to their OP it is irrelevant, if they are married they are married, I've just tried to explain why someone might not want to use gender specific pronouns.

I very much doubt someone would say they where married when they weren't.

Guest101

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

Sadly homophobic attacks still happen - so? So do attacks for a whole range of issues. The difference is this is an anonymous forum and the risk of physical harm is non existent. , the LGBT community still feel threatened - do they? Who's the spokeperson for the 'community'? I mean let be real here, sure there are bad people everywhere but hiding gender online like this isn't an issue of safety. , its often easier just not to bring attention to being in a same sex relationship. - I'm sorry but respectfully I disagree.

Try using spouse (as opposed to wife/ GF/ husband) in conversation it sound formal and odd. - perhaps, but i'll reiterate this is an anonymous online forum. It might be grammatically correct but I will bet it won't flow naturally.

You are picking up on the length of marriage, but with regards to their OP it is irrelevant, - actually it's not. As it could be considered a short marriage. if they are married they are married, I've just tried to explain why someone might not want to use gender specific pronouns. - Honestly I'm getting so weary of this kind of thing. 'Gender Specific Pronouns' as far as I'm aware neither of these women is transgender, they are both women, both born women. This kind of PC obsession weakens all platforms. So much so that instead of concentrating on the LEGAL implications (such as short length of marriage) we're now debating is I say she or they or....

I very much doubt someone would say they where married when they weren't.

I didn't question if they were married, I questioned the length of the marriage

Pollycat

The point I'm making is that the OP mentioned her '18 year marriage' which is not possible.
So if the 18 year part isn't accurate, it's possible that the marriage part isn't either.

And if it's not, the advice already given may not be accurate.

And as Guest points out, the length of the marriage may be important.

I really don't care about gender, only about giving appropriate advice based on the true situation.

first78

Sorry if I haven't been accurate enough...I'm afraid I'm not thinking clearly given the situation.

To clarify, I'm in a same sex relationship...my partner and I have been together for 18 years, we were in a civil partnership and converted it to a marriage 2 years ago.

We had ivf so although I am not a biological parent I still have my name on the birth cert and therefore have parental responsibility.

I feel like I'm losing everything I ever wanted and I can't see any way forward just now.

Guest101

first78 wrote: »

Sorry if I haven't been accurate enough...I'm afraid I'm not thinking clearly given the situation.

To clarify, I'm in a same sex relationship...my partner and I have been together for 18 years, we were in a civil partnership and converted it to a marriage 2 years ago.

We had ivf so although I am not a biological parent I still have my name on the birth cert and therefore have parental responsibility.

I feel like I'm losing everything I ever wanted and I can't see any way forward just now.

Thanks, we do need a few more pointers, particularly where the child(ren?) would live and with whom?

first78

If we end the relationship the children (both aged under 4), will live in our current home with me...if I can afford to stay here. My spouse I'm guessing would move in with her dad.