neighbour in hospital refusing visits

onomatopoeia99

She's a grown up, if she says she doesn't want visitors then you should respect her wishes.

hazyjo

God no, I'd be mortified if the neighbours turned up! No makeup, hair prob not washed/styled properly, PJs on, in bed - it's just 'personal'. I'd not want them seeing me in bed at home either, let alone a hospital - there's obviously something seriously wrong so she won't be feeling her best either!


I wouldn't ask her personally if she wants you to visit if someone else has told you otherwise as people often find it hard to say no, especially when put on the spot.


Ring her to say you're thinking of her if you absolutely want to, but that's it. I'd just send a card or the occasional treat or flowers (if she wants or can have them).


Jx

Torry_Quine

I would stick with sending a card letting her know you are thinking of her. Sme people love visitors others don't.

Mojisola

zaksmum wrote: »

An elderly neighbour, who has no family, has been in hospital since early January.

We try to see her, shop for her etc when she's at home

This neighbour is the only one allowed to get close to her and she speaks in a sort of code to him

As others have said - a card so that she knows you are thinking of her and an offer to help if she needs anything.

Other than that, leave it to the other neighbour.

I assume that this is a beneficial arrangement and that you don't think the other neighbour is taking advantage of her in any way?

Marvel1

I didn't like it when my Mum visited me in hospital, then wanting to know what they did to me in the operation, I don't know and simply didn't care.


So neighbors no chance.

Fireflyaway

I wouldn't want visitors either but your idea has nice intentions. A card is a nice idea and flowers ( if allowed) but maybe she just like privacy. You could add in the card that she can call you if she ever needs anything etc so that way she feels remembered and cared about but without the pressure / embarrassment of face to face contact.

pearl123

Not everyone wants company.

TBagpuss

I think it depends a little. Unless you have any reason to think that the other neighbour is lying when they say she doesn't want visitors, then accept that that is her choice.
Send a card, include a note letting her know that you are thinking of her and would be happy to visit, or run any errands for her, if she would like that.
I fact, even if you do think that the neighbour is lying, send the card with the same message and include your phone number. She can then call, or ask a member of staff to call, if she would like a visit.

If she isn't very friendly generally she may well not want visitors, particularly ones she doesn't know well.

On a practical level, you and the other neighbours could offer to do things such s cut her lawn / prune any hedges etc so the house doesn't appear too obviously empty.

melanzana

To be fair, the person has been in hospital since January.

I can understand an acute illness, but this sounds a little different.

I echo post by Valli above. I would contact the hospital and maybe they would ask person how they feel themselves about you going in. Neighbour may be well meaning, but I would like to know myself. If patient says no, well then you know.

So kind of you. But it's delicate.

Has anyone heard from the patient yet directly?

-taff

zaksmum wrote: »

We try to see her, shop for her etc when she's at home, despite her being far from friendly. But we hate the idea that she has no visitors week in, week out. ...
Are we just wasting our time?

She doesn't want to see you, she's not appreciative of what you attempt to do for her, she may think you're being nosey and interefering.

Yes, you're wasting your time, IMO, do as suggested above, send a card, make it clear you're thinking about her and would like ot help if she needs it in future, if you want to.