Help please DS is bringing GF and she has eating problems

chalky_75

Hi
DS has bee going out with a new girlfriend for about 6 months. He is crazy about her.

We have met her twice and she seems lovely BUT she has an eating/ eating in company problem.

They are coming for the day and I want it to go well.

I want to provide a really relaxed atmosphere so that she finds mealtimes as easy as possible.Can nayone suggest what to serve. Her only no no's are mushrooms and fish.

I was thinking of obviously putting things out on plates so that she can help herself to what she likes and as little as she likes. Could be here for lunch and tea

Has anyone got this problem and what approach makes life easier for you

Thanks

chalky_75

I really would be glad of any ideas

newlywed

A friend at work had a problem eating in company - being looked at while eating. Would it be possible to maybe ask if eating in the front room rather than sat opposite each other at a dinner table is easier? That way it may not feel so much like everyone is watching you eat

NickiM

Or if perhaps your son and girlfriend ate separately? Not very helpful I know.

Putting things on plates so the girlfriend can take what she wants is a good idea though.

tanith

I would just say one thing as I think you have the right idea about having food on plates to help yourself... when its time to eat it might be an idea to just say in general and to noone in particular "foods out help yourselves when you are ready" and then don't mention it again... please don't try and encourage her to the table... sometimes people just need to be comfortable to eat in front of others and she will get there in her own time.. If she feels happier just not eating to start with then let her do that.... she will do things in her own time.....

Idiophreak

I can get nervous in situations like that and it can be very hard to eat...the main thing is that you're aware of it - that makes a big difference.

Just let her help herself to whatever she wants, try and lighten the mood, make it as informal as possible and most importantly don't hassle her about it. I used to hate it when my gfs parents would keep on about it "oh, you need more to eat than that! can i get you something else? are you feeling well" etc etc...just made things worse.

kittyscarlett

I absolutely detest eating in public, in front of either strangers or people I know well. Going for meals out is an ordeal frankly, which I undergo for the sake of family and friends - most of whom don't even know about how I feel, because I feel I can bite the bullet for a few hours for their sakes.

So, from a sufferer, if I was going into a similar situation - I would very much appreciate a very relaxed, casual buffet type approach to the meal. Salads, breads, cold meats, cheese etc - all easy to eat as much or as little as you want and also easy to handle. If its at all possible, avoid the formality of a sit down meal. I agree with Idiotphreak, just be friendly and welcoming without drawing attention to the girl and reminding her of why she finds these occasions stressful in the first place. Try and talk about things other than the meal so the focus is off the whole food/people interaction.

passion8

Hello Chalky 75

I've got the same problem, so the girl has my sympathies - I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. However, enough about me

If I was you I'd be as informal as possible, as Idiophreak suggested, and no formal eating, as in around a table. All good advice from all the posters btw, especially tanith and NickiM; eating seperately is a good alternative, as long as there's no time restrictions, and the 'help-yourself' approach is good.

Could you make yourself scarce for an hour or so (just in case she's hungry but feels really tense?). Foodwise I'd offer something that's easy to eat like a home-made soup, or soft foods like pate, egg mayonnaise, or a small buffet that can be picked at as and when.

I know it's stating the obvious, but don't mention the problem

Best wishes to all and I hope the day goes really well for you x

ETA, I didn't see kittyscarlett's post, I think our posts crossed, but it's all excellent advice!

passion8

chalky75

I've just realised where the OP is. It might be better asking for the topic to be moved to another section of the site? I'm not fully conversant with the site yet, but it's the first time I've seen this section.

nickswift

I use MSE forums a lot! but I have never figured out what a DS is and I see it all the time... now it can't be a nintendo DS or a document signed... is it Darling Son? or Dear Son?

tanith

DS darling son
DD darling daughter
DH darling husband
OH other half
OP opening poster

there are lots more.....:rotfl: