Cherry takes the reins

Cherryfudge

WelshmansDaughter said:

Feeling like you didn't really have a choice about going back to your job because it wasn't safe would be a hard feeling to work through 

Cross posted with you, sorry. Yes, I've had advice from people who deal with employment issues that employers have to ensure safety in the workplace but that just seems to evaporate in the face of explanations from managers. My belief is that the increased number of staff and increased pressures on the staff team feed through to pressures on the people being supported, thus making everything less safe. People under pressure may not react calmly.

Cherryfudge

I've had a nice lazy morning and plenty of sleep - again, I didn't wake up till about nine, though DH didn't sleep too well (both jabs yesterday) so it wasn't all quality sleep. Also I found a mouse late last night! Honestly, talk about 'a little mouse with clogs on'! It was in the bottom of a kitchen cupboard and making such a noise I thought a hedgehog had got in. I couldn't persuade it to go out of the door, so I took the things DH would need for breakfast and put them on the cooker, hoping I could open the cupboard and the outer door today. DH obviously didn't mindread as the cupboard was open this morning (unless the mouse has powerful friends). So goodness knows where it is.

They are supposed to be able to get through a hole the size of a biro point, so it could be outside laughing at me already.

My jobs for the rest of the day:

Clean the cupboard
Find humane mouse trap and bait with the cream crackers the mouse had appropriated.
Throw out the rest of the crackers!
Plan dinner.
Prep for tonight's study.
Put CV together and send off to teaching assistant person.

Cherryfudge

Amazingly, all the above list got done apart from sending off the CV. DH is going to read it for me before I send it.

The study seemed to go okay though I told them it would probably be short yet we ran out of time for the last couple of questions. DH has had a full day - two activities after work, poor chap, but seems to have recovered from his vaccinations.

Expenditure:
Housekeeping £9.09, which includes the refill pack for the liquid soaps. I hope I like it because there's quite a lot!

Cherryfudge

It's been a bit of a mixed day. The weather was beautiful but much colder than recently, so beautiful in a crisp, autumnal way. Lots of washing got done and mostly line-dried though bedding went in the dryer and was back on the bed soon after.

Lunch was an experiment: cauliflower with yogurt, lime and curry sauce. I think I'd have it again but with less lime juice.  It was all guesswork anyway, and there's now a bit (just a bit) more freezer space.

I finished the CV and sent a copy to the teaching resources lady as well as adding it to work's talent pool. I've just used a template one with bullet points, but I thought of some (hopefully) appealing points as well as my career history and qualifications.

The downside of this was I had to look up something on my work email and in doing so found one from my manager asking if I could make such and such a date for the redeployment meeting. This was about half an hour before my CBT session, so I spent the first half of it in tears. We've talked through what what I'm experiencing and the result is I'm signed off the CBT (I've done most of it) and am going to look for bereavement counselling. It seems leaving the job is triggering all sorts of grief as well as being a sad thing in itself. And yes, this is the job that I really, really don't want to go back to. The sooner I can find something else to occupy me (and pay me a wage) the better.

I gave myself some computer time to calm down afterwards, so by the time DH got in I felt a bit better. Tea was chicken and chorizo pasta, then we had a walk down to the shops because DH wanted oranges and some exercise. I found some nice pears reduced as well, and discovered that L!dl's rice crispy cereal, which was 85p the other day, is now well over a pound! So I went back to T3sco where it's still 85p, and got three packets because if L!dl's gone up, Aldi and thus T3sco will follow suit.

Home again, I got all the ironing done, though its now airing in doorways as it's not quite dry. Then I saw a whole flurry of emails on a private account that I've used to keep in touch with the manager. She was getting a bit frantic about the meeting, and who can blame her? She needs to get someone else in post. I emailed back accepting 1st of November, which seems to be the first date all necessary parties can make, but I've now emailed the union to see if I've understood all the relative implications of redeployment vs resigning.

I will probably hear from him tomorrow, but once I know where I stand I think I'd better just go. If the very thought of the meeting is still wrecking my nerves, it's not the place for me.

Would be nice if I had a job with contracted hours to go to, but even if I got through redeployment, that's not guaranteed. I do have savings to live off, and we have DH's wages, but I need to do some number crunching and see if anything needs to change. Mortgage is paid off and the car is cheap to run, but then there's Christmas... (We will probably do a family Secret Santa anyway). Anyway, those things will wait for tomorrow.

Expenditure:
Housekeeping £12.43

Cherryfudge

So far I've not heard back either from the Union, who's usually very prompt, or from Employment Support, who I emailed for advice on Monday. I know they can't make the decision for me, I'm just asking if there's anything I've not thought of.

It did occur to me that now the meeting is 'diarised' I've bought myself a few days towards clearances going though and/or another job coming up. It would be useful to send in my resignation today, in terms of it being off my mind and the manager being able to advertise for a new person, but I'm aware there may be legal things I should know but which have passed me by. Perhaps the ES lady is on leave and will check her mail on Monday? Or I could re-send in case she just missed it?

Meanwhile, I'm not on the cleaning rota today and it's raining so there's no point going down to water the plants. Dinner tonight will probably be the sweet potato stew so as to use up a bag of sweet potatoes, but I'll check if I need anything else. The yogurt cake didn't get made last night, so that might happen. Meanwhile I have a TA job application to do and possibly one to Citizen's Advice.

Floss

CF, I would hold off sending in your resignation until you have confirmed things with Employment Support & Union. It isn't your fault you are in this position, and TBH your manager shouldn't be using your works email when you're off sick, especially not to arrange meetings.

I think bereavement counselling is a good idea, to help you put it all to one side and move forward to whatever your new future brings.

Sun_Addict

Agree with Floss I would hold off on the resignation for now. Do you think you might have PTSD after what happened? 

badmemory

My guess would not to hand it to them on a platter, because they will take it.  To be honest I would have thought that PTSD would be cast in stone by now.  Please don't let them off the hook.  What happened should not ever have happened.  You know that, they know that even if they are not acknowledging it.  Do not play the nice person, play the I know my rights person.  We all know you are a nice person but unfortunately nice people can get walked all over.

Cherryfudge

@Floss, @Sun_Addict, @badmemory, thank you, you lovely people.

I've been assessed for PTSD but came under the radar. By the time I got as far as the assessment I was over six months past the event and hadn't had to confront anything recently, so there will have been a weaker reading, as it were. I suppose it must be possible to have some symptoms that look like or are the same as PTSD but aren't enough to be indicators.

I've not resigned yet! I've had contact from the Unions and from my manager - the manager hadn't realised she'd used my work email (I could hear in her voice she hadn't known this). That's quite handy as it sort of lets me off the hook for missing the email! Long story as short as I can make it: the union advised I contact the relief job to see where the recruitment process is up to and nudge them a bit. It may be I can get into that job without having to go through redeployment or lose my continuity of service, in which case, problem solved. I've now done this but won't hear back before Monday at the earliest.

The manager wanted to discuss what I felt I could cope with in terms of the meeting, and took on board my explanation of how I'm finding myself reacting. She and the Union rep have come up with an idea that he could represent me, with me either on a video call or nearby in the building in case he needs to ask me anything. Last I heard was a voicemail from him which I've left as it was nearly close of play, and being Friday that gives me the weekend to get used to the idea and talk to DH. Just as I feel better today than I did yesterday, I know I nearly always settle down after the first day. It's the autistic delayed adjustment to change, I think.

If I can get past the emotional thing about the meeting, I still have the annoyance of the 'dismissal' to find a way past. 

I've also heard from another of the four of us leaving this year: she has a new job and is liking it, as do the other two. It's just me, the first to go off sick, who's left looking for a way forward.

I went back on the jobs website and noticed something about one of the TA jobs which I've emailed them about. There are two posts in the one place, covering different aspects. They may have their own reasons for making one three times the hours of the other, but if they were flexible about hours between the two, it would be less demanding on one person and more hours for another.  Basically, I'd struggle physically to do the longer hours and financially to do the shorter ones, but if divided differently, it could work. I did point out the job hadn't been filled when advertised before, so it might be worth thinking about.

Unfortunately I also noticed there's a bit on the JD about challenging behaviour, which is a bit of a red flag to me, though I remind myself a five year old isn't as strong as an adult.

Anyway, that took up much of the grey, rainy part of the day, leaving me the sunny bit at the end to go shopping and have a bit of a walk with DH. I changed meal plans as I needed more spices and the eco refill shop was shut by the time my phone calls had finished. Buying salmon instead wasn't a cheap option but we had it with a store-cupboard sauce that we used to have often and which is now too expensive. Can't have these things going out of date, of course, so it had to be eaten eventually and salmon is good for us as well as delicious.

Both of us are tired this evening. Dh had a busy few days at work - his manager told him he'd handled over 100 calls today, which he doesn't think is possible! He's still enjoying it, though. We are down to one car boot sale tomorrow, the last of the season. I have job details printed out but am still unsure whether to do the applications. They take so long (but I do a good job of them ). If I applied for both the main TA job and the smaller one (midday supervisor/TA cover), they might select me for the smaller one (less demanding in some ways) but use me for sickness cover if needed...

Expenditure:
Housekeeping £10.11

Cherryfudge

A couple of things I forgot, nothing at all to do with work and very little to do with money.

the mouse came back, left a calling card and took away the cream cracker from the trap! DH says the trap wasn't set properly, so we'll try again.

I have a lovely cashmere scarf that I never wear. It was from a charity shop and smelled of someone's perfume, and the smell was getting on anything it was next to as well. Today I braved soaking it in a vinegar solution, and it's hanging n the line overnight. I'm hoping the vinegar takes the other smell out (ordinary washing and sunshine didn't), and that once it's dry, traces of vinegar will be gone too.