Cherry takes the reins

Cherryfudge

Sun_Addict said:

I would settle for the nice straight line 😆 You're very brave to cut your own hair. I wouldn't even let myself loose on my fringe. 

Good to look at your options re work, I hope you find a solution that works for you soon.

Fringes aren't easy - I don't have one nowadays and I tie my hair back, which I hope hides minor irregularities!

WelshmansDaughter said:

Perhaps start the proofreading course now so as to be ready for next academic season? A colleague of mine proof read theses and the like. And perhaps get some volunteer experience so you have references to show paying clients?

Interesting that you know someone who does academic proofreading - it turns out my daughter's neighbour does the same. I've proofread degree work for my children, mostly DD's so I know I can cope with social sciences essays. Perhaps I should ask her for a reference!

It's been a tricky afternoon: I got a date to start the counselling which sent me into periodic tears. Thinking of starting it was scary, but I think that's partly because it's a system which I was recommended on a self-help basis in the past and that's not the route for me so I associate it with struggling to engage. I'm also having difficulty with lots of memories at the moment: I think the interview triggered something but at least I know now that it's not just something I'm growing out of. However I did a bit of googling to help me know what to expect, which was somewhat helpful - not very but it did remind me that PTSD can be unpredictable. (I don't know for sure that's what it is but it's what I'm being treated for). I had a nice note back from the Talking Therapies employment person who says she can continue to support me on employment issues while I have the counselling, then it occurred to me to check the post code I'd been given for the session. It didn't ring true with what I'd heard of the phone so I queried it and it turned out to be further away than I'd thought.

I've spent a couple of hours gardening, which wasn't enough to clear my head but did clear some ground under a hedge. We'd had agreed on tuna pasta for tea so I went out for ingredients and DH had got home and cooked when I got in. I told him about the appointment but by then I'd made up my mind to ask to wait for one nearer home. I'd have made myself go if it had been closer but as it was it would be about a 45 minute drive each way plus an hour's session, all on DH's morning off. I've heard back from them that that's okay, and during tea it occurred to me that my head was quiet... I think I'd worked through all the emotions that needed to be worked through at that point, and hopefully by the time a suitable appointment comes up, I'll have got further past the shock of the interview, and might even have something to work towards in terms of a job or training.

For a money-saving diary, this now has a lot of mental health stuff but health has such an impact on wealth. It was my job got me into this situation, and the situation will itself have an impact on my income from next month. Actually, it already has because I'm no longer getting all the extras in my pay from working over my contracted hours.

This evening I've had another half hour out in the garden. My fingers feel like pin cushions (my own fault for not bothering with gloves) but you can see progress.

Expenditure:
Housekeeping £12.52

liselle

Very best wishes for everything,Cherry. I saw a counsellor before I retired - I had concerns re.my pension too.She helped me think through my options clearly.
I wouldn’t worry about mentioning your problems other than financial on here ; as you said, one has an impact on the other. I think you’re very good at listening to people’s advice.After all, we’re all trying (hopefully!) to help each other. Whereas others don’t seem to consider anything of any use,without even trying to make even small changes,and time after time, complain of the same issues.

Cherryfudge

Thank you @liselle, what a lovely post!

You've reminded me of that saying about if we keep doing the same things we've always done, we will get the same results we've always got! On the other hand, someone put something up on Facebook this morning about moving forward in difficult times, by small steps. I found it online where it's also called 'The Room of Ancient Keys', and it seems a good theme for these days.   

This morning was a long time ago. I spent some time cleaning a basement fire exit route at church. It's a complex building (not built as a church) and you never know what is still to be discovered. In this case, it was a damp patch on an outer wall and some spiders.

I resisted unnecessary spending on the way home but found an absolutely essential unplanned Le Creuset piece in a charity shop for a tenner. It was one of those times when I pick an item up to inspect it and it doesn't leave my hands again. (Rather like the Denby I found in the same shop recently). It needed a bit of a deep clean but DH was delighted with the finished product when I presented it to him. He's more of a fan than I am.

I got in before the rain but it's been pretty steady since.

Dinner was a recipe that I think came from my Mum's house in the form of a 1980s magazine cutting: brown lentil and bacon soup. The costing on it, for four portions, was £2. My costing on mine was £1.60... not sure how I managed that! It was a keeper and helped use up the lentils I cooked the other day, various veg from the fridge and some of the 'cooking' bacon. The only ingredient I needed from the shop was carrots.

Other than that, I spent some time yesterday evening investigating proofreading in more depth and starting to look at what it will cost to learn.

Today my manager rang and I, not expecting the call, didn't pick up. It was to tell me there's going to be a meeting about my attendance. I can't make the date suggested. I will let the union know before I arrange another date because I want them in on it. Interestingly, when I texted the other two people who are off with stress, so I could warn them to expect a letter in a few weeks, they have also received letters today! That is definitely a case of Something Afoot - why is one getting the same treatment after two months as I'm getting after five? So I've replied to them but I'm not carrying on the conversation any more till I've slept.

Expenditure:
Gifts (greetings cards) £1.98
Household £10
Housekeeping £2.58

Floss

Re: the HR processes, it may be that union involvement has prompted someone to check what they should be doing - as against what they have been doing - and found themselves lacking 😉

Also, according to ACAS you should get written notice of any meetings, not just a phone call.

Cherryfudge

I've had an email, @Floss, the call was to warn me the email was coming (which was considerate of her).

I don't know whether work is aware I've contacted the union as I've not told them. However, its possible someone else has, with there being several of us in a  similar position.

I woke up early thinking about that meeting and getting stressed so Dh has suggested I can decline it on medical grounds. I think it's time to make another GP appointment because she said to me she didn't see me going back to that job even after the counselling that I've not yet started. However, I think I need that in official terms, and will I get it?

Other than that, we've not been to a car boot sale at all as there have been a  few downpours. Dh has been working on reframing a painting and I tackled DD's old room in case my wedding shoes were in there. Some cleaning and straightening has improved it but the shoes can't to be seen. 

Cherryfudge

We were going to the retail park this afternoon to look for new shoes but I decided to check the loft again (those shoes must be somewhere!) and I knew I had a box of sandals that I'd just never fetched down so far this summer.

I found the sandals and, after much grubbing around, suddenly spotted a carrier bag with a shoe box in. It was down the back of the suitcases, so no wonder I'd not seen it. I opened the box to try them on - white sandals but not familiar white sandals so I'll return to the standard theme: where on earth are they?! I know I still have them because I paid quite a lot for them and they're only been worn once so I wouldn't just have got rid of them.

Anyway, I spent some time trying on my outfit with various white shoes and getting DH to photograph me. I will send them to the fashion police (DD and husband) for their opinion. The heels may be the poshest and best with the dress, but there was always the risk they would hurt too much as my feet are less pliable than a few years ago.

Sorting out DD's old room has progressed nicely: it's cleaner and tidier, though that is partly because I've not put everything back yet. A couple of items have gone in the donate pile and DH has spotted some of his books that he's lost track of, and it's been aired.

Talking of air, the weather today has been heavy showers and tossing trees.

I've not spent anything though DH bought fish and chips (£7.50) for our lunch and some pastries later (90p on discount) and crispbreads (£2.20ish).

Cherryfudge

A quiet day today: online church for me and texted a few people then we had dinner from the freezer (smoky sausages) and a few more raspberries from the garden. Next year's raspberry cane are growing fast and audaciously. A couple have planted themselves by the house wall so once that area is weeded, I need to see if they can be moved or just uprooted.

I've spent the day distracting myself from thinking about work, as I'm okay when I forget it but that doesn't last. I think this is what they mean when they say 'intrusive thoughts'. I never understood that before. Anyway I've done a couple of hours of gardening (found two young frogs), baked some spiced orange buns and went for an hour or so's walk with DH. I also emptied out all the cake decorating stuff and did an audit. All of it was out of date and the writing icing had thickened too much. Most of those little shapes and sparkly stuff are more or less sugar and were okay (sugar seems to last forever) but two containers smelled odd. That could have been the plastic ageing but they and the writing icing have gone.

So I've done a few useful things. Keeping going was a good choice although I was sleepy earlier. At least I've had exercise and have something to show for it.

Cherryfudge

This morning I was brave and emailed my manager to say I wouldn't be attending the meeting, and asked for the information in an email so I can process it when I am ready. I've also mentioned redeployment (again) and the possibility of ill-health retirement.

DH's 'manager head' switched on and he told me the new consultation with Occ. Health (mentioned by my manager) will probably be to do with an assessment to do with redeployment, which would I think be the most constructive option. I've done some more googling and my employer counts ill health retirement under attendance management but I got a bit side tracked and didn't manage to track it down. DH also mentioned I might qualify as having suffered an industrial injury, but I'll focus on issues at hand for now. 

I feel better in myself and have more energy today but I need to give both the garden and the video games a break as my hands were a bit stiff this morning and I don't want to damage them. This afternoon's plans are to wash the curtains from DD's old room (done) and any other laundry, do a spot of hoovering and pick up a few things from the supermarket. I've donated another carrier bag of things - marginal win there.  

Right, back to doing things.

Floss

Glad to read you've asked to postpone the meeting; your union rep should be able to help with redeployment & ill-health retirement information.

Cherryfudge

Floss said:

Glad to read you've asked to postpone the meeting; your union rep should be able to help with redeployment & ill-health retirement information.

I hope so, I found some info but it's not easy to track down the bits I want for myself, and he seems to know what he's doing.

I really had better get back to work in some form - the letter 'h' has just stuck on the keyboard and the laptop has already lasted a couple of years beyond expectation so one day I will need to replace it, and it will be less burdensome if I have an income.

I didn't keep off the garden or the games entirely. I spent about half an hour cutting back the new growth in the lane at the back so I could put the garden bin out for collection, and I had a short play on the computer just now.

Dinner was chicken and chorizo pasta, using store cupboard/freezer ingredients, but I spent quite a lot at L!dl as they had some clamps which I'[e been wanting to repair a little table I inherited, and I also got more toothbrush heads before discovering we had a couple of opened packs of them already.

My usual cereal was on offer so I got several and put them in the emergency store. It's not really an emergency but it's better than paying the higher price.

We had a short walk, but it's gone chilly! When half the world is baking, it seems really odd. My sister in law is enduring temperatures in the upper thirties which I can't imagine, let alone the forties elsewhere. Meanwhile my sister, who spend mort of the year at the equator, is getting Scottish rain. I feel I've got the best of all possible worlds here.

Expenditure:
Household £6.99
Medical £5.36
Housekeeping £12.95