Who pays for social care ?

lisyloo

We had much better experiences which goes to show it might be a bit of a postcode lottery.
The anecdotes all enforce the point that taxpayer fuding will only be available if there is a real NEED and they will question why her son can't help especially if he is younger, presumably more able - is he claiming carers allowance??

We had very good experiences, although I don't think there were alternative in our case.
We found the social worker to be both uderstanding (that our parents did not accurately express their needs - mum would complain about everything and dad nothing) and also generous - FIL did not really need help dressing but the company was extremely beneficial for his well-being. Mum got a free trip to a day centre weekly with transport and Dad got a carer to visit once a week to go out for coffee. I consider that to be quite generous, but in our postcode they did seem to understand that keeping people out of care/hospital is cheaper in the long run.

The authorities did not expect FIL (89) to look after MIL although we did take him to the meeting to show him struggling to walk and breaking down saying he couldn't cope (either physically or mentally).

The only issue we had was that they didn't want to put FIL in the same home that they funded for MIL because there were cheaper places available.
We fought them and made it clear we'd fight them all the way.
They gave in.
I suspect partly because they didn't want him bed blocking at £3K per week when the care home was £850, but you have to have articulate people who know their rights to stand up for you otherwise the end result may be one of the dreadful cold, stinky, awful homes.

lisyloo

As an aside, hospitals often say people need residential care when they may not

We also experienced this.
The hospital could do no more for Dad so they wanted to get rid of him.
The care home said he never should have been discharged and his needs were understated by the hospital.
Note as above there is a financial agenda here. In my area (bristol/bath) a normaly hospital bed is about £3K per week, a decent nursing home is £850, carers to visit at home are £15.

seashore22

OP, have you resolved the situation with the roof yet? That will still need paying even if mum goes into a home.

I hope your brother will now be paying up since it appears he will be the sole occupier of the flat.

margaretclare

lisyloo wrote: »

We had much better experiences which goes to show it might be a bit of a postcode lottery.
The anecdotes all enforce the point that taxpayer fuding will only be available if there is a real NEED and they will question why her son can't help especially if he is younger, presumably more able - is he claiming carers allowance??

We had very good experiences, although I don't think there were alternative in our case.
We found the social worker to be both uderstanding (that our parents did not accurately express their needs - mum would complain about everything and dad nothing) and also generous - FIL did not really need help dressing but the company was extremely beneficial for his well-being. Mum got a free trip to a day centre weekly with transport and Dad got a carer to visit once a week to go out for coffee. I consider that to be quite generous, but in our postcode they did seem to understand that keeping people out of care/hospital is cheaper in the long run.

The authorities did not expect FIL (89) to look after MIL although we did take him to the meeting to show him struggling to walk and breaking down saying he couldn't cope (either physically or mentally).

The only issue we had was that they didn't want to put FIL in the same home that they funded for MIL because there were cheaper places available.
We fought them and made it clear we'd fight them all the way.
They gave in.
I suspect partly because they didn't want him bed blocking at £3K per week when the care home was £850, but you have to have articulate people who know their rights to stand up for you otherwise the end result may be one of the dreadful cold, stinky, awful homes.

Absolutely. I could not agree more.

In December 2016 DH was sent home from an acute ward because the hospital was on 'black alert'. We were told we had to have a care package set up, plus various appliances which we didn't want, including a commode.

One of the hospital social workers said to me 'We'll only take half of your joint account'. I said 'Good luck with that. The joint account, most of the time, has nothing in it.' Our joint account gets funded at the end of each month and at the start of the next month, most of the bills go out - council tax, utilities, insurances etc.

I had a shouting match by phone with the discharge co-ordinator. The day he was meant to be coming home (no transport) I had a phone call from the care co-ordinator at the local authority. She'd been told to arrange carers' visits and was quite happy when I told her we didn't want them. I also managed to stop or return the commode etc. The only thing that was useful was a zimmer with wheels.

Fortunately DH was contacted on his mobile by a consultant at the Nuffield Orthopaedic Centre, Oxford who wanted to see him in his clinic before Christmas. Result: his leg got sorted out and he still has the original 2 legs he was born with.

I often wonder what would have happened if we hadn't been articulate and able/willing to stand up to people who wanted to push us around.

lisyloo

I often wonder what would have happened if we hadn't been articulate and able/willing to stand up to people who wanted to push us around.

When they wanted to split up MIL and FIL after 61 years of marriage my SIL argued that if they have tried to split up two swans or two elephants at the local zoo then it would have been headline news.

Snowbird

margaretclare wrote: »

I had a shouting match by phone with the discharge co-ordinator. T

I often wonder what would have happened if we hadn't been articulate and able/willing to stand up to people who wanted to push us around.

If you are having shouting matches on the phone, you are hardly articulate.
Everyone has been in difficult situations, but shouting matches with professionals? Really?

margaretclare

Snowbird wrote: »

If you are having shouting matches on the phone, you are hardly articulate.
Everyone has been in difficult situations, but shouting matches with professionals? Really?

Well, she may have thought she was a professional. I didn't think so. She didn't listen, and I was simply repeating myself.

By the way, she was the one who started yelling at me down the phone.

margaretclare

lisyloo wrote: »

When they wanted to split up MIL and FIL after 61 years of marriage my SIL argued that if they have tried to split up two swans or two elephants at the local zoo then it would have been headline news.

It is not down to someone on the outside to split up two people who have chosen to stay together for that length of time, or for any length of time, and who want to stay together. Neither is it down to someone on the outside to come into your home uninvited, or to tell you that you must have someone come in whom you don't want.

lisyloo

Neither is it down to someone on the outside to come into your home uninvited, or to tell you that you must have someone come in whom you don't want.

The exception is if you have lost capacity to make decisions and have not made provision.
I mention this (to other readers) as my MIL did not make provision, in fact refused power of attorney as she didn't want anyone else to have control and has now made it difficult for us.
I am ow seeking deputyship through the courts for property and affairs (no welfare issues as she's already in a nursing home).
Apart from the 5 forms to fill out (much paperwork) the doctor want £60-£120, the application fee is £400 (single deputy) and £320 per year, and £500 if a court hearing is required.
Just a warning for people to get their own house in order due to both the costs and having outsiders making decisions for you.
Personally I made an EPA when they were free.

margaretclare

Yes, of course I agree wholeheartedly that everyone should put their affairs in order while there's time. We did it all a few years ago now, after my younger daughter's death.

I've just realised some investments to help my eldest GD with her RTB council house. An answer to all those who asked me 'Why are you still saving, at your age?' We intend to go on saving because we still don't know what we may need in time to come.

DH and I haven't been together for 61 years, but we're of one mind about most things. I think either of us would lose the will to live if we were forced to live apart.