Possible distance complications

catoutthebag

Hi, so I've been seeing someone for yes, just a month. We've become exclusive and we both feel deeply emotionally and physically attracted to each other. Like this is so right. We're already spending a couple nights together every week.

They live about 25miles/45min away, so effectively short distance. They commute about 40 min to their work, which is just over an hour/50 miles from me.

They have friends around the country (my city, their town and the place they work). They have expressed a potential feeling of preferring the place they work/friends they have there, though their parents still live in the same town they do. Just that friends where they work are 'closer' and more reliable/less politics than where they live.

I am enjoying the moment, but we had a chat which got quite emotional.

We're not saying one way or another about the future.

But let's say I'm burnt from having to move for someone before. My job allows me flexibility to do so. But I feel socially and professionally established where I am, and not sure I could do it, if it became on the cards, though never say never.

We both strongly feel we've found the right person, I've never felt so close to someone after a month let alone a long relationship.

I want to try enjoy each moment, but feel a small seed of uncertainty planted

Money_maker

It's probably way too early in the relationship to even consider moving, why would this crop up if they're only 45 mins away?


Enjoy the moment and worry about the practicalities once you're a year or so down the line.

PeacefulWaters

Don't even go there. The discussion is premature at best.

45 minutes is nothing. Enjoy the moment. Let the relationship grow. See how you both feel further down the line when you're ready to make a more permanent commitment.

catoutthebag

Points taken , thank you.

Only cropped up after me asking when they kept mentioning how they got on better with the folk where they work these days than those locally and hope their current town had changed etc

Yes, currently they're not far, but I mean if they moved to the place they work, it would add near double the distance/time and it would become more difficult slightly, and eventually someone would have to budge.

I guess we just need to focus on now, and look after things maybe next year.

annandale

You aren't talking about 400 miles. 25. And you've been dating a month. Can't you just see how it goes without overthinking everything?

pollypenny

Early days and no distance. If it lasts, go for the middle if you do move.

skattykatty

I suppose these things are as complicated as you both choose to make them. You've only been together a month and actually don't live that far away from each other. You both need to live your own, individual lives, as well as nurture your relationship. Overthinking the 'what ifs' at this stage is not going to support you to keep getting to know each other. Enjoy yourselves, isn't that what these early stages are all about?

tea_lover

You've probably seen this person about 15 times in total - why are you even thinking about someone moving?

Pollycat

From reading your other threads, I think you tend to overthink things and quite possibly expect too much too soon from relationships.

I'd enjoy what you have right now instead of trying to look too far into the future.

KRB2725

What you would and wouldn't do in a relationship changes as the relationship develops and deepens.

At the moment you want to live where you are, after a year or so your desire to be with them may outweigh your desire to stay put (same may apply to the person you are seeing). Or you could agree a compromise.

Relax and enjoy what you've got for now. The early days are not about longer term potential problems!

catoutthebag

annandale wrote: »

You aren't talking about 400 miles. 25. And you've been dating a month. Can't you just see how it goes without overthinking everything?

I don't think you understood my post. Please re read it.

I'm talking if they moved to their place of work, it would double and though not far, it's not sustainable unless someone moved