Divorcing while living together?

balibali293

I have asked my husband for a divorce but as he doesn't agree, he is refusing to leave my rented house. The council say he has a right to stay as we are still married, but if I leave with the kids, his benefits will not pay for the rent on a 5 bed house. The rental agreement is in my name.

A search online shows that if we are not running separate homes in the house, then we can't divorce. i.e., if meals are eaten together etc.

What are the rules on this? He is partially sighted and has no contact with family or friends (his choice).

TBagpuss

You can still star divorce proceedings against him.

In terms of living separately, you need to separate out as much as you can.

The obvious one is sleeping in separate bedrooms, but also stop doing any washing or cleaning for him. Cooking - if you can stop this then do, but it is not the end of the wold if that is not practical.

Try to separate out your finances as much as you can, ask him to give you a fixed contribution to the bills, close any joint account etc.

Start thinking of it as a house-share rathe than a relationship, and start to oganise your finances and how you divide up household work accordingly. So you might carry on cleaning he shared areas of the house so it is in a fit state for you and the kids, but don't clean his bedroom, do his laundry etc. Don't start a fight over whether he gets to sit at the table with you and the children but don't go out of your way to buy food or cook for him.

One ificult issue is that if he simply moves out he risks being seen as making himself intentionally homeless.

prosaver

its up to the judge if you can have a divorce.
heres a really good website ..
http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/

Proxima_Centauri

balibali293 wrote: »

I have asked my husband for a divorce but as he doesn't agree, he is refusing to leave my rented house. The council say he has a right to stay as we are still married, but if I leave with the kids, his benefits will not pay for the rent on a 5 bed house. The rental agreement is in my name.

Wikivorce might be a good source of information regarding how to go about getting a divorce.

I presume you are on benefits, too (?) in which case you'll need to stay where you are, as the council won't house you and all your kids if you've already got a home. Same goes for your husband until you're divorced.

onomatopoeia99

Your grounds for divorce are potentially relevant, since there are a limited number of reasons the court will accept for granting a divorce.

TBagpuss

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Your grounds for divorce are potentially relevant, since there are a limited number of reasons the court will accept for granting a divorce.

This is true, however 'unreasonable behavviour' is entirely subjective and does not need to be behaviour which is objectively 'bad' or 'unreasonable', simply things which made you personally reach the decision that you can't go on as husband and wife.

These days, behaviour particualrs can be extemely brief and mild, as the courts accept that if you have got as faras starting divorce proceedings hen that is, in iotself, pretty strong evidence of the marriage having broken down, so they don't need a lot more!

balibali293

Thank you for the replies so far. I will have a look at that website. I am working part time and studying part time and rent privately, if that makes any difference? I was also planning on applying on the basis of drug taking/drunken behaviour or unreasonable behaviour (emotional abuse).

Thanks in advance.

Guest101

balibali293 wrote: »

Thank you for the replies so far. I will have a look at that website. I am working part time and studying part time and rent privately, if that makes any difference? I was also planning on applying on the basis of drug taking/drunken behaviour or unreasonable behaviour (emotional abuse).

Thanks in advance.

Are you applying on that basis or is that actually the case.


Obviously if there is abuse there is the criminal element, not just civil (divorce) law

balibali293

Yes it is the case but no authorities have been involved, although the doctors know about the drinking etc.

EmeraldEye

Are you and the children safe? That's the first and most important element of any relationship breakdown (in my opinion).

Try your very best to maintain a separate life from him as far as possible; So don't sign any joint agreements, don't prepare meals for him, don't allow him to sleep in your bed and if you have any joint bank accounts you will need to address this asap.

I would also have his name removed from any utility accounts (gas, electricity, etc) and tell him you expect an amount each week/month for his share of the rent etc as he is now a lodger for all intents and purposes.

If you've been doing his laundry, stop. Anything that you usually do for him, cease doing it entirely.

Have you anyone to support you? I hope you do.

You say that he has a drink/drug problem, that's why I asked if you were safe. As for the emotional abuse, you certainly have grounds for divorce and the sooner you get him out from under your roof the better.

Good Luck and don't let him manipulate you!

TBagpuss

If he is abusive to you r the children then you may have grounds for an injunction, to remove him from the house so you and the children can remain there safely. Unlike almost anything else, legal aid isstill vailable for that kind of application, if you qualify financially.

If at any stage you feel you or the children are in danger call 999 and get somewhere safe - and then, if ned be, see a solicitor bout an injunction, or askthe polie whether (if he is charged with any offence) they can bail him with conditions to stay away from the house.

If things are at a lower level than that then you should get the divorce process started.

although it is not your responsibility to find him somewhere to live, if he isn't doing naything along those lines it might be a good idea, on a ractical level, for you to talk to the housing office to see what support he may qualify for once you and he are separated / divorced, and what he would need to do to register/apply. if he is callsed as disabled he may have higher priority than would normally be the case for a single person, and if the reality is that he would be unlikely to qualify then you may need to tart thinking abut hether, on a practical level, there are any joint savings or other assets which could be used to allow him to pay a eposit for private rented accommodation.