Anyone separated but managed to live together successfully - for at least a year?

beckstar1975

Ooh thanks - that's good to know about rental checks - that's reassuring.

It's hard - I want him gone, I believe our marriage is over, he doesn't and is saying all sorts to fix it, I know nothing will change, it never does - but for the kids sake I think we need to go through the motions of trying to fix it.

Kids are 11,10 and 8 - 2 boys and a girl, eldest is boy and is the box room, would be awkward to make him share a room with his 10yr old sister, so it will have to be us adults that sucks things up, it's not fair to the kids to make them suffer any more

frankiebeany

I broke up with my other half back in May and we are still living together now. we've sold the house and looking at moving on in about 2 weeks.
Its been awful. To start with it was ok, but once we got past August it all started going down hill. There are no kids involved in our situation, (which was the problem in the first place - I wanted and he didn't) but as time goes on it will wear you down. Its hard to watch someone you love drift away from you and never want to see you again.
I'd advise putting the house on the market now, it could take a while to sell, We had ours on in September, sold at beginning of November and still there now. Even if you put it out to market today it could take a while to sell and go through the whole process.
Also with the others on the whole not sharing a bed.

suki1964

beckstar1975 wrote: »

Ooh thanks - that's good to know about rental checks - that's reassuring.

It's hard - I want him gone, I believe our marriage is over, he doesn't and is saying all sorts to fix it, I know nothing will change, it never does - but for the kids sake I think we need to go through the motions of trying to fix it.

Kids are 11,10 and 8 - 2 boys and a girl, eldest is boy and is the box room, would be awkward to make him share a room with his 10yr old sister, so it will have to be us adults that sucks things up, it's not fair to the kids to make them suffer any more

Leave the boys where they are, put your daughter in with you and let him have the single

TBagpuss

I agree with the majority that this is a bad idea and very very hrd to make work. It also pusts all of you, incluyding the children, in a very stressful situation.

I'd suggest putting the house on the market as soon as you can. You'll be able to clear the remaining debts out of the sale proceeds. I think also that if you separate you may be able to renogotiate the plan to reduce the monthly payments (particuarlly if you are also marketing the house and planning to clear the debts in full on sale)

If you can't aford to buy when your house sells then you will have the equity so would be able t0 ofer 6 months rent up front if you don't pass the credit checks, and of course if youdo look for private lets you may be able to find someone you can rent from directly who doesn't require a formal check.

It's likely to be in the children's interests if you are able to arrange things so one of you can move out - it's very confusing to be separated but not really, it sends them very mixed signals, plus the stress levels in the house will affect them.

Until it is possible to sell of or one of you to move out then rearrange the rooms so that you and he don't have to share a bed, and ideally not a room. I'd suggest either a sofa bed for whichever of you goes to bed later and gers up earlier, or alternatively move the children into the big bedroom and have the two smaller roooms for yourself. I don't think having a 10 & 11 year old sharing short term until you sell the house is the endo f the world, and you can arrange for your daughter to change and get dressed etc in your room or for your son to get chaged in his dad's room if either of them feel uncomfortable sharing, or alternatively you could suggest that either you and your daughter share aroom, or that your husband and the boys share the biggest room and that you and she have the smaller ones, depending on how big each room isand how lightly / heavily everyone sleeps

Bossypants

If this is going to have any chance of working I really think you need to find a way to sleep separately. Do you have a dining room that could become a bedroom, perhaps, or could part of the lounge be cordoned off for a bedroom (e.g. by strategic placement of wardrobes)?

Angry_Bear

I split up with my OH last April, and as we were still getting on ok we thought it would be fine living together until I could finish buying the house from him and he could buy somewhere new.

It got worse and worse - neither or us were being particularly terrible, but we couldn't move on. Neither of us felt "comfortable" in our home any more. We were both walking on eggshells the whole time. I found it really stressful to the point that I was making myself ill.

And I should say, this was in spite of the fact that we had separate bedrooms and bathrooms, and I was working away 3 days a week most weeks!

If you have any other alternative, then please make this the last resort!

Proxima_Centauri

beckstar1975 wrote: »

Have come to sad conclusion marriage is pretty much over, but due to being end stage DMP and various other things we cannot afford to move apart now. We have no spare bedrooms, in fact two of the kids share as it is (and the other kid's bedroom is literally a box) - but we do have a super king sized bed so can sleep without being physically close to each other.

I am hoping that in a year or so's time we can sell the house which should have at least £300k equity and then split this 50/50 so I'll move to a much cheaper part of the country to buy a house with a small mortgage.

in the meanwhile we're just going to have to suck it up, anyone managed to live relatively peacefully with their separated partner? At the moment I'm just trying to pretend he's not there other than parent's evening and other events for the kids.

I've lived with an ex-partner, but I wouldn't be sharing a bed with them! We had separate rooms.

Lil_Me_2

I lived with my ex for almost 5 years after we split, however we were very amicable and there were never any arguments either during or after the split we had just drifted apart (no kids, just cats!). We did have separate rooms, and were both single for about 3 years of that time. Meeting new people was awkward, but financially for me those 5 years was the difference between renting a room in a shared house and having almost £30k for a deposit. I decided that seeing as I'd have to share a house I'd rather share with a good friend.

We're both in long term relationships now, and occasionally socialise together all four of us with a larger group (BBQs and the like). I also still see my ex one on one every few months for dinner and we buy each other presents for Birthday/Xmas etc. I've never quite understood how couples can go from being intimate to never wanting to see that person again (when there isn't a catalyst for the break up of course), however I appreciate I'm in a minority there!

teddysmum

My husband's aunt and uncle, lived together for over 10 years, but they split the house into his and hers floors. He had upstairs and she had downstairs with their daughter. This would not be practical with more children, though.


I would , at least, go for single beds.