Anyone separated but managed to live together successfully - for at least a year?

beckstar1975

Have come to sad conclusion marriage is pretty much over, but due to being end stage DMP and various other things we cannot afford to move apart now. We have no spare bedrooms, in fact two of the kids share as it is (and the other kid's bedroom is literally a box) - but we do have a super king sized bed so can sleep without being physically close to each other.

I am hoping that in a year or so's time we can sell the house which should have at least £300k equity and then split this 50/50 so I'll move to a much cheaper part of the country to buy a house with a small mortgage.

in the meanwhile we're just going to have to suck it up, anyone managed to live relatively peacefully with their separated partner? At the moment I'm just trying to pretend he's not there other than parent's evening and other events for the kids.

Ozzuk

Can't you sell the house now which will help clear your debts then either buy/rent? Sharing a bed doesn't sound like a great idea but only you know what goes on in your relationship, what is driving the split and if that would work. For me, no way, not in the slightest.

beckstar1975

Thanks for the reply but no, all our defaults from our DMP will disappear over the course of the year, at the moment I doubt we would pass any rental credit check and definitely wouldn't get a mortgage.

There is no abuse or anything nasty, just deterioration of our relationship beyond the point of return

Stevie_Palimo

I think it would be pretty difficult to stomach and more so if one of you finds a new partner which you can say would not happen but could be on the cards already, With that in mind and the fact that you will sleep in the same bed I'd say it would get worse and when you have kids involved you do not want a situation whereby things are frosty between you, The kids will pick up on this and for the sake of the additional money a year would gain I'd be sticking it on the market straight away.

You never know it may take 6 months plus to sell anyway, In the meantime look at getting a sofa bed for one of you.

beautiful_ravens

I wouldnt do this because of the potential for future problems, but if you must, consider a pair of single beds/sofa bed/ Z bed etc.

BISCUIT1

Hi I am really interested to see what response you get from this as I am in the same situation..husband decided last month that he wants to split up but wants us to stay in same house for 2 more years until daughter is older "for her sake" (nearly 7 now) I am not sure this is the best thing for her in the long run and also not sure if he just wants to keep working on the house to maximise equity when we finally sell...and also maximise what he is going to be claiming from me as he has already told me he will be claiming on my pension! Not sure if this situatuion is realistic as can see there will end up being friction esp when it comes to sorting out money so I am also in a quandry about doing this...x

caprikid1

Sounds like you are putting money before your health and well being to be honest. If you have 300K equity and such a shortage of rooms one can only guess that you live in London.


It can be done but its soul destroying. To get in the same bed every night of someone who does not want you there.

FBaby

I think it depends on the reason why you have decided to separate. If it is because his habits are driving you mad, or treats you badly, or he can't manage his finances etc... then I would think that living together separated would be a nightmare.

However, if you get along ok, but just more friends than loving couple, then maybe it's not so bad.

susieq87

i think this situation will lead to complications as mentioned above. if you must live in the same house you're better off sleeping separately. my first thought was also what would happen if you or both start seeing other people and will those people be ok with you sleeping the same bed?

maybe get a sofa bed, someone else on the sofa or the floor or consider putting a tiny bed in that box room, just for sleeping. i can only imagine the tension, i wouldnt be able to deal!

shiny76

If you have no other option than to continue living in the same house, could you switch all the kids into the largest room then you could have one of the smaller rooms and him the other?

catflap11

beckstar1975 wrote: »

Thanks for the reply but no, all our defaults from our DMP will disappear over the course of the year, at the moment I doubt we would pass any rental credit check Defaults aren't considered on rental credit checks, just Bankruptcy, IVAs and CCJs, if its just the defaults you will be ok and definitely wouldn't get a mortgage.

Hopefully that helps, I would suggest one of you moving out whilst things are still civil, after a year it could be very different.