Get a grip woman!

Suffolk_lass

badmemory said:

I have never forgotten owing my father £280 back in 1991.  That is never ever going to happen again.  He never criticised, never asked when I would repay, I think he would have happily given it to me (my mother wouldn't).  Repaid next payday. 

Yes, in 1977 my Dad lent me the money to pay off my credit card I had had for just a few months. It took me a year to pay him back. At the time I was ashamed but I still accrued more debt, later in life when I had left home. I do the same with my Son - I pay out for his motor insurance normally and he pays me back at about 2-3 instalments. He is 30 now. I should ask him to change the destination of his car savings to me really. 

@Humdinger1 I had a chat with DH about our friend and he feels the friend would see it as interfering. Obviously I don't know the extent of the debt but I do know he has almost 40 years of pension accrued and on the old scheme (Classic, formerly the PCSPS) and that he is on senior (one down from Deputy Director) money. I also know he is past minimum pension age (60) so could retire or semi retire without any actuarial reduction, and could maximise his lump sum to pay down (or off) a significant portion of that debt. His wife was moaning about spending so much in Tesco before they came away and said it was really only a top-up shop with a few treats for the trip away but over £126. I bit my tongue. I need to let it go. Their lives, their choices.

Just by way of comparison though, my (overspent) grocery shopping total is £223.51 this month. This breaks down as follows - £41.21 on groceries, £65.81 on stores, and £116.49 on subscription and direct debits (DD is milk). The subscription things are all from big river. Milk is £9.03 a week. Our other spends are treats and entertainment £76.91 (plus £78 for camping and metered electricity), fuel £99.66 for the motorhome, and pets £25.42 (pet food, toys and treats)

LadyGnome

I borrowed £1000 from my Dad in 1996 towards my first flat.  I paid it back as soon as I could but I did feel guilty.  £74K for a 2 bed flat in zone 2 in London - the mind boggles now.

I don't think there is anything you can say to your spendy friend that won't be taken the wrong way.  I try to get them whilst they are young... When money conversations used to come up in work I would talk to the 20-30 year olds about how I manage my money etc.  Heck DS1 is already doing PA surveys whilst he is at Uni for top up cash.  I figured that even if only a bit of it sticks maybe one or two of them would make some better choices.

badmemory

I have to say I do wonder how some people make their financial choices.  Whilst I think you do need to live for the "now" to a certain extent.  To not have any concern at all for your future is just so short sighted.

Karmacat

SL, I love the way you've broken down your spends this month between "groceries" and "stores", such a good idea.

And like LadyGnome, I don't think there's anything you can say to your spendy friend.  It's obviously an issue for them, but you'd have to wade through an awful lot more denial and anger, even if you did get to the real stuff, and it could break the friendship well before that point, as he's already been projecting onto you.

Suffolk_lass

I agree re our friends. there is nothing I can say unless he asks. I suppose he might. And she won't, he manages the money. 

Turning to our financial circumstances and an end/beginning of quarter review, I need to seriously rein it in this month. We have two car services on husband's credit card and he has been putting his routine spending (such as trips to the SM while we were away) on the same card. His pension is the wrong side of £800 but the credit card will take the (other) wrong side of £900 this month.  Plus there is a second CC, with things like big river purchases (subscriptions) plus the weekly milk bill, the monthly newspaper subscription and the phone, broadband and his mobile all on that account. So definitely some depletion of EF to top up that account.

In the other current account, where my pension goes, it is mostly DD for bills but also my very variable CC. I paid for the holiday cottage from this account as their card interface failed, so no credit period for that in September. I also brought forward the beekeeping top ups (another roof, another floor, some feeders) in August which are on my CC this month, due to the change in statement date caused by JL ending the card I have had since 2005 and starting with the replacement. Worse than that and very naughty for (not very) Sensible September, I joined the (free) loyalty program of the garden supplier I was looking at to buy my fruit cage (to get free delivery) and left the fruit cage in my basket while we pondered. Over the next few days I was warned it would expire and my saved basket would be lost. It was eventually deleted. Then their (genuine) sale started. The fruit cage was 20% off. I did not nibble. Then I got an extra 10% code so I went for it. £90 less than when I started and the same price for the cage complete with door and netting, as buying the equivalent in copper pipe and corners with no door or netting from Screwfix. It is our Christmas present to ourselves. Just over £200. It was delivered yesterday. If the weather is nice we will get that built this week before we go away.

Other planned spends - I do have a board game in the big river basket at the moment (DH's birthday early November) and a pet carrier is potentially arriving at an actual store in the next town this week for us to try. The existing basket that dog happily sat in is too small now he is fully grown and we hope to take our bikes to Scotland to ride around in the (low) Highlands. That would be £20 and £50 respectively. There will be lots of fuel too with at least 3-4 tanks of diesel for the trip. Other than that, I have a Morries order coming tonight (free delivery pass this month) and am taking advantage of 25% off 3 bottles to buy 4 wines - a white, a red, a rose and some prosecco. This will cover/replenish holiday and festive needs. It comes out of the Treats and Entertainment pot. The actual grocery part of the shop is around £43 with predicted subscription items (pet food is most of it) just under £46. Other than that, hopefully just milk to add.

On the positive side, we are just over £600 in credit with SP (electric only) after reading and submitting meter readings yesterday (avoiding queues because I was up most of the night) - this will deplete by about £100 a month once the (electric) aga is back on, after we get back from Scotland. I have rearranged the sweep to come this week (so if he wants to DS can light a fire) and the boiler is fixed, with long showers and contemplation of turning the heating on if needed. I am grateful that this is sorted and that we are not going to struggle as much as many.

I just need to stop buying things!!

Suffolk_lass

Oh my. I thought I could see a light on in the motorhome so asked DH to quickly check. No light on but a load of water had blown into the rooflight and poured into the van over the last two days. All the mats are now in the wash, he has mopped the floor dry and we have put it up on ramps. There was so much pooled water on the roof that when it poured off I thought we were in Niagara and there is a huge puddle on the gravel drive. The ramps will stop this happening again, hopefully. I feel we have dodged one there. Another positive for Optimistic October 

badmemory

Suffolk_lass said:

Oh my. I thought I could see a light on in the motorhome so asked DH to quickly check. No light on but a load of water had blown into the rooflight and poured into the van over the last two days. All the mats are now in the wash, he has mopped the floor dry and we have put it up on ramps. There was so much pooled water on the roof that when it poured off I thought we were in Niagara and there is a huge puddle on the gravel drive. The ramps will stop this happening again, hopefully. I feel we have dodged one there. Another positive for Optimistic October 

It gives a whole new aspect to "it never rains but what it pours" doesn't it?

Karmacat

Woah, Suffolk Lass!  Just goes to show ... there's always stuff that *might* happen that you didn't know about.  I'm really glad you spotted what you thought was a light, since it sent you to check.

So, in relation to your spending, you've got your very own "Stoptober"    sorry, I couldn't resist!

EssexHebridean

Thank goodness you saw the phantom light and got DH to check! Glad it's all sorted out without too many problems. 

Great work on the fruit cage too. I'm currently waiting it out on a fairly sizeable purchase to see where prices go - I'll hold off until Black Friday offers are about and then see where it stands. 

Suffolk_lass

Thanks BM, KC and EH, I am looking on the bright side that we found it so quickly. It's up on the levelling ramps but I think DH aspires to some Rhino van ramps. Not this month!

Actually, he has had two calls from employment agencies offering him lecturing jobs in the County we used to live in, in the last week after nothing for 20 years. It is indicative of him changing to a mainstream teacher, mid career. The one yesterday took our new postcode and recorded his new position and that he would only consider part-time temporary work. There are several FE and HE places locally, as well as plenty of supply teaching posts if he were so inclined (or wanted the financial top up). A day or two a week teaching apprentices sounds quite good to me!

The last two days I have defrosted the commercial freezer and refilled it, - the (mostly garden) produce was all temporarily stashed in the "bee freezer" after removing a batch of brood and super frames that had been frozen (to guard against wax moth destruction). Yesterday we replaced the commercial freezer contents and also emptied the chest freezer in the cart lodge (garage with no doors). It necessitated me juggling a few things around and this yesterday afternoon I stewed a big pot of blackberry and apple and this morning I have cooked another bag of prepared Bramley apples and jarred them up like jam, reusing jam jars. If the tops pop I know they will be fine to store and I shall take some for my Mum, when we go next week. I have also liberated nine ziplock bags of frozen, prepared tomatoes, ready to make some more passata. I want to go through the small toolshed freezer under the drinks fridge later, so I know exactly what I have and where it is. I know it has prepared seville oranges and I want to make some marmalade as we have opened the last jar (albeit a large, 1 litre one)

I definitely don't need to buy any meat this year. I still have most of my half lamb, plus portioned up chicken and beef, pork sausages, chops and bacon, and even a pack of Ostrich fillets!! I detect my siege mentality is somewhat out of hand. I might just divulge the freezer and store-cupboard inventory, just to shame myself. 

I did succumb to a big river order yesterday. I want the board game I am buying for DH's birthday before we leave next week. Although his birthday is not for a month, we might liberate it early to play it with my Mum and on our own at the cottage we are renting. It has just the right amount of maliciousness for a family!

Thank goodness my pension arrives this morning. Just so thankful for the years we sacrificed higher salaries for future pension security.