A good friends family is dysfunctional, how would you react?

dekaspace

I found out a few months back a good friends (not my bad one) father has been claiming housing benefit for 20 years since he seperated from my friends mother, except he owns a house with his wife who passed away in 2013 and she left half the house to the father and the 2nd half to be divided amongst the 3 children.

My friend has been sectioned in past due to breakdown and has physical heath problems too and basically a terrible life, his brother is a junkie who commited identity fraud on the whole family including when his own father was told he had 24 hours to live stealing from a drug dealer who turned up at the hospital threatening to break his fathers legs, caused my friend to get into debt by stealing debit card and buying things on it and other such crimes.

Back to the house, I just found out the father has claimed to sold the family home left in will without the 3 childrens permission yet at same time my friend has lived with his father for 18 months since he was sectioned and his father wants him out basically calling him a leech (when hes the one commiting benefit fraud) and guilt tripping friend saying as the father is of retirement age friend should be looking after him and paying all the bills.

The father is a ex hippie and only 2 years ago stopped being a major pot head(as well as taking mushrooms)

The father has said the house is his until he dies and only then do the kids get it, the father has accepted an offer 40 thousand under market value.

What would you do in this situation?

Also friend says his father hasn't been all there in recent year, and is often not very understandable so could be dementia?

annandale

I wouldn't do anything apart from be a friend to the son. I think any legal advice he or you wanted, you'd be better posting this on the housing board as there would be people on there who could give advice if that's what you are looking for

TBagpuss

I would encourage the friend to take legal advice.
It would be sensible for him to apply for a copy of his mum's will - it is ppossible that the houe was actually left to dad and that the plan for 'mum's share' to go to the childrne was a wish ratehr than legally binding. Also, depending on wording Dad may have the right to sell and move.
If you wish, you could ofer to go with your friend if he sees a solicitor, for moral support, to make notes or to remind him of question he wants to ask.
If your friend has his own mental health social worker you could also encourage him to talk to that person about what is happeneing to see whether they can support him or offer help to ensure that his is not exploited.
s your friend in contact with his siblings? What is their position regarding the sale of the house.

Your friend could inform the agetns and solicitor dealing with the proposed sale that he belives that he and his siblings have an interest in the house. They will likely then want to clarify the position before thsale goes forward. But if dad is proposing to sell then son needs to take any steps he palns to take now, before the sale completes.

I might consider reporting dad anonymously for benefit fraud but that would be my choice and I would not discuss it with my friend or tell him I had done so.

justme111

I shudder to think what bad friend is like..
Answering your question- I do not think this situation needs any particular reaction of you.

FBaby

You really need to revisit who you become friends with. How can you believe that there is a life out there to be living successfully when all you write about your friends is how they abuse the system/you/family members.

peachyprice

What does any of this have to do with you?

dekaspace

TBagpuss wrote: »

I would encourage the friend to take legal advice.
It would be sensible for him to apply for a copy of his mum's will - it is ppossible that the houe was actually left to dad and that the plan for 'mum's share' to go to the childrne was a wish ratehr than legally binding. Also, depending on wording Dad may have the right to sell and move.
If you wish, you could ofer to go with your friend if he sees a solicitor, for moral support, to make notes or to remind him of question he wants to ask.
If your friend has his own mental health social worker you could also encourage him to talk to that person about what is happeneing to see whether they can support him or offer help to ensure that his is not exploited.
s your friend in contact with his siblings? What is their position regarding the sale of the house.

Your friend could inform the agetns and solicitor dealing with the proposed sale that he belives that he and his siblings have an interest in the house. They will likely then want to clarify the position before thsale goes forward. But if dad is proposing to sell then son needs to take any steps he palns to take now, before the sale completes.

I might consider reporting dad anonymously for benefit fraud but that would be my choice and I would not discuss it with my friend or tell him I had done so.

Friend is in a bit of awkward situation there, his dad lives in middle of nowhere, friend can't afford to move he wants to move anywhere even a grotty bedsit as long as its away from his dad but has no money, his mental health means he isn't claiming benefits he is entitled to as he gets confused (hes very intelligent just gets confused) he was messed around with social work and such.

I could in theory let him stay with me for a few weeks but that would mess around my own benefits, though at same time would enable him to get social work support and find a local property and within a few weeks save enough to get a deposit, rent is quite cheap around here though has gone up quite a lot since I originally moved here.

Unlike the bad friend this one really is a nice guy just heavily anxious, if you asked him even to cook for you if he was in the house he would, and if you wanted to go for a walk he would do so and enjoy it.

FBaby wrote: »

You really need to revisit who you become friends with. How can you believe that there is a life out there to be living successfully when all you write about your friends is how they abuse the system/you/family members.

This friend has not abused the system ever, in fact his timidness years ago got his benefit stopped even though he was in the right as DWP lost documents which were impossible to replace, I have been friends with him for 12 years now so no idea why you think he has abused the system, me or family members.

This is the friend who worked full time as well as study full time and only ever been on benefits a few months in his entire life when he lost one job and DWP messed him around losing documents to get money.

peachyprice wrote: »

What does any of this have to do with you?

Hes a nice person and is a good friend over the years just with issues, he is the one that would help you even going out if his way if you asked him but his issues was he was too timid to stand up for himself, that was what led up to him being sectioned as he was getting used by his own brother, physical ehalth was bad and his employer refused him time off including telling him after he had a stroke if he didn't turn up at work next day he would be fired.

peachyprice wrote: »

What does any of this have to do with you?

Hes a nice person and is a good friend over the years just with issues, he is the one that would help you even going out if his way if you asked him but his issues was he was too timid to stand up for himself.

annandale

I think there's been far too much information posted on here about this family already.

dekaspace

annandale wrote: »

I think there's been far too much information posted on here about this family already.

One single post is too much information?

annandale

Not one single post. You've posted twice and you've posted a lot of information about your friend and his mental health. Some things should be private I think, you can tell people your friend is a nice guy without people having to know that he was sectioned.

RuthnJasper

dekaspace wrote: »

One single post is too much information?

I appreciate that you are trying to help your friend - but do you think he would be happy if he read your posts? Does he know that you are writing about him and his family, in particular the drug and mental health matters?


Whatever the case, I hope he will be OK.