ex and child support and holidays

proffLucy

Thanks for all the replies, Yes I do come across as slightly bitter and if I'm honest, I am.

Im angry with myself that I gave him the benefit of the doubt and wasnt more forceful about chasing up the missed payments when I should but I was trying to give him the chance to pay me them in his own time.

I dont have spare cash for luxuries so I doubt I will get away on holiday this year. Even less spare cash now...at least his payments used to help out by covering school bus fares etc.

I will try and get my head round it and be glad that at least DD is getting a holiday.

Im only human, so yes I cant hide sometimes how friustrated I am with the lack of responsibility of DD's Dad ( blowing thousands on a holiday when hes not working- and he must have had some notice of it happening) but I will try not to let my feelings show to DD.

I agree in indsight I shouldnt have asked her how he was paying for the holiday and i feel bad now. I will have a chat to her tonight. Shes pretty sensible but I shouldnt offload my bitterness on her. Feel crap now, and am worried that I've been a bad mum.

justme111

Do not have a chat with her on this topic - just in the future be excited for her holiday

Aced2016

proffLucy wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies, Yes I do come across as slightly bitter and if I'm honest, I am.

Im angry with myself that I gave him the benefit of the doubt and wasnt more forceful about chasing up the missed payments when I should but I was trying to give him the chance to pay me them in his own time.

I dont have spare cash for luxuries so I doubt I will get away on holiday this year. Even less spare cash now...at least his payments used to help out by covering school bus fares etc.

I will try and get my head round it and be glad that at least DD is getting a holiday.

Im only human, so yes I cant hide sometimes how friustrated I am with the lack of responsibility of DD's Dad ( blowing thousands on a holiday when hes not working- and he must have had some notice of it happening) but I will try not to let my feelings show to DD.

I agree in indsight I shouldnt have asked her how he was paying for the holiday and i feel bad now. I will have a chat to her tonight. Shes pretty sensible but I shouldnt offload my bitterness on her. Feel crap now, and am worried that I've been a bad mum.

Your not a bad mum at all ! Your just angry and when people are angry they do and say things they shouldn't.

At least you can see some of what needs to change. Write down all your incoming and outgoing money. See if there's any changes that can be made and try and budget better. Don't include his money that way if and when things get sorted it may come as a lump sum or a little bonus. Please don't think I was being blunt in my earlier reply but it was the exact advice I gave a friend and honestly things are going good for her now. Just cut all contact with him where possible and just rely on yourself, that way there's no lets downs, no upsets and no point scoring.

Your daughter when she is an adult can and will see who done what without having to be told !

Let the bitterness go, start enjoying your life and making plans. And everything else will start to go right for you !!

FBaby

profflucy, don't beat yourself up. Having been there, I know how utterly frustrating it is and indeed, hard not to be bitter. It does get a lot better with time, especially if you can get in the position where you can enjoy more of life rather than just being a provider to your children.

Do also remember that however hard it is, all the sacrifices you have to make, you do have the most precious gift, your children almost every day. He doesn't have that luxury.

proffLucy

Thanks everyone. Its a sunny day here so Im trying to be positive!

Very much appreciate all the replies, I cant let it get me down so I will rejig my outgoings and carry on!

Just helps to write it all down somewhere I guess. Get it out of my system, so thanks for allowing me to do that.

Robisere

Just one note of warning, from a dad whose dd was in a much worse situation then yourself over an ex: you cannot prove or disprove that he missed payments, if there is not a 'paper trail' for previous payments. The problem is that he can say he paid you in cash at other times. The CSA will not (cannot) listen to anything not proveable, unfortunately. My dd knows this from bitter experience. I completely understand your own bitterness, I had to regularly give money to my dd in order for her to provide for herself and her toddler son. Not that I minded that at all, I would give my kids anything they need, but it was so painful seeing my lovely girl brought down. I was at a point where my son and I seriously considered ways of getting away with killing her ex. That's what it does to families.

You will get through this, just hold your head up and tell yourself you are not just a better person than he is: you are by far the bettter parent. Good luck to you, lass.

Sambella

it IS possible to bring up kids without maintenance money.

I did it. I managed just fine, managed 1 holiday abroad with them.... and all though this the kids have remained in contact with their Dad (they are now grown) . I didn't have parents helping me out as one had passed and the other was retired.

Their Dad lives across the water from us so there was never regular weekend contact or anything like that. Sure it was hard at times but now I am proud of what I did.

I decided that bitterness would do me more harm than him so I let go of all those demons almost from the start. Happy kids are more precious than money.