Should my OH's sisters be bridesmaids?

Mojisola

fairy_lights wrote: »

I'd stick with what you want - your sisters and best friends - and if MIL does get iffy about it you can just say you didn't think to would be fair to ask them because the distance would make it difficult to plan.

I wouldn't give a reason like this - it's just asking for MIL or her daughter to say that the distance doesn't matter and she'd like to be a bridesmaid!

You've already got six attendants - don't mention bridesmaids to your MIL except to say that you've chosen who you want.

Pollycat

lulu_92 wrote: »

OH really isn't bothered and is a big fan of the "it's our wedding at the end of the day"

SILs are late 20s. I'm not sure what the expectations of his side are to be honest, I just didn't know if I was breaking some massive rule by not asking them.

I'm not picking any of the groomsmen, although I think OH knows who my preference for his best man would be, but it's his choice overall (and he'll probably pick that one anyway)

Thinking back to my late 20s, the very last thing I'd have wanted was to be asked to be a bridesmaid.

Spendless

Pollycat wrote: »

Thinking back to my late 20s, the very last thing I'd have wanted was to be asked to be a bridesmaid.

Ha, ha. I was a bridesmaid at 30 for my sister and thrilled to bits to be one, having last been one aged 5.

lulu to fend off MIL (I've read your prev posts!) I'd stick to saying the bride is choosing her attendants and the groom his. That makes it easier since your OH isn't choosing anyone from your side

Pollycat

Spendless wrote: »

Ha, ha. I was a bridesmaid at 30 for my sister and thrilled to bits to be one, having last been one aged 5.

I was 'matron of honour' for my sister when I was 46 but was one of one.
There's a big gap between us and me & OH had paid for most of her outfit - dress, shoes, head-dress, veil.
I'd hate to be one of these:

lulu_92 wrote: »

I'm figuring out my bridesmaids and so far I have 4 and two flower girls, but I'm worried that my MIL to be will have something to say over me not asking her two daughters (I've not asked anybody yet).

lulu_92

I don't understand, Pollycat. My flower girls are my twin daughters who will be 2, I have two sisters and two best friends. I don't see it as terrible.

LEJC

If you asked the sisters to be involved...do you think they would accept?

It is a tricky situation sometimes and I understand its your wedding and your choice etc etc...but I also know that unharmonious families can be incredibly nasty especially if they think they were never asked.

I also know how expensive it can be to be a bridesmaid and I guess that you do need to to clarify who is paying for the outfits,the hair,the makeup,the shoes the jewellery if you want it all to match.........

are you able to say to your OH's sisters that everyone is funding their own outfits and as such you would like them to be involved but appreciate the extra cost involved and would not be offended if they chose to simply be a guest at the wedding.

At the end of the day it is your wedding and your choice....but when you have an obstinate MIL or future SIL...you also have to remember that they will be in your life long after the wedding too....

The other option if you have not actually asked anyone yet and are just in the planning stage is to ask just one of your sisters and one of your friends and one of his sisters....

If you want the sisters involved in the wedding there are plenty more things they could do rather than being bridesmaids...readings perhaps during the service that could be special.

Personally I dont understand why some families need to be asked to be bridesmaids etc especially if they are adult...but I do know that there is a certain type of mother of a certain age who almost expect their offspring to be included!!!!

go with whatever your choice is...but be safe in the knowledge that whatever decision you make you are probably going to offend someone....

failing all that why dont you and your OH book a lovely holiday to Mauritius or the Caribbean..take your 2 small girls and have a lovely destination wedding....much cheaper than you would imagine and let the MIL arrange a party for your return.

Pollycat

lulu_92 wrote: »

I don't understand, Pollycat. My flower girls are my twin daughters who will be 2, I have two sisters and two best friends. I don't see it as terrible.

I didn't say it was terrible that you're having 4 bridesmaids, lulu.

Just that I personally wouldn't wanted to have been asked to be a bridesmaid in my late 20s.

LMG1305

No, it's your wedding so you do what you want to do. If you do think MIL might want them involved somehow, what about asking them to do something else, like helping you to arrange wedding favours or something similar? They probably don't expect to be asked anyway but might appreciate being asked to do something.

Pollycat

I think another poster has alluded to the issues that the OP has had with her future in-laws.

It might be easy for some brides to simply say 'this is what we're doing' but I think lulu has a bit more of an uphill struggle.

fairy_lights

Pollycat wrote: »

I didn't say it was terrible that you're having 4 bridesmaids, lulu.

Just that I personally wouldn't wanted to have been asked to be a bridesmaid in my late 20s.

Why not? My best friend got married last year and had four of us as bridesmaids, all in our late 20's.
It was great! We got to dress up in a way you rarely do as adults, spent loads of quality time together, and, because we were all adults my friend didn't have to worry about any of her bridesmaids throwing a tantrum or doing a wee under the buffet table. :rotfl: