Autistic guy at university using his disability to get away with everything

Jlawson118

I've been friends and helped out with autistic people quite a lot over the last few years, but He's very autistic and he sometimes struggles to even cope with the simplest of daily activities, although he's a very clever guy, he just doesn't know it. I've always tried to give him an equal chance when it comes to projects, events and even extra curricular activities, but he always behaves very badly and angrily and then just blames his autism.

I understand that his autism plays a huge part of his behaviour towards people and general things is his autism, but he also has a boyfriend who encourages him to kind of cheat the system, misbehave and just blame his autism.

He struggled from the day I first met him, but he seemed to get worse when he got with his boyfriend. Around this time last year, we started a show on the university radio station every Friday morning. Nobody else would do it with him so I wanted to be a friend and help him with that. But even on the first show he didn't know what he was doing, he panicked started banging the keyboards. And this was a weekly occurrence. His boyfriend used to come along for 'support' and he'd be worse. One week when his boyfriend wasn't there, he actually performed better! Although my girlfriend is Bulgarian, and on the air he made some offensive comment to her and then said "you can't hurt me because I'm disabled." His boyfriend is also banned from the student union for making racist and discriminative comments on the radio in the past.

Anyway, I started avoiding the radio show towards the end. I started with a few health problems and troubles at home and I kept getting messages on Facebook from the girl who managed the radio station telling me all about his behaviour.

Anyway, as of September, it was a new year and fresh start. I'm on a media course and we started a group project to create a series of videos. He just casually joined our group and again, I wanted to be a friend and give him equal opportunities. At first we arranged a meeting with a lady we were doing some work with, we agreed that two of us should go, myself as team leader and my girlfriend who'd initially contacted this lady via email. He was kicking off that it's not equal if we're not including him in the meeting, and he storms off and gets angry and blames his autism once he's calmed down. Our tutor had specifically said no more than two people should go to these meetings, so it only made sense for us two to go, other group members didn't get the opportunity to go either. We've also been out filming things and because one of us has taken a shot that he doesn't like, it has a really negative effect on us when he storms off, even when it is for our benefit and he always has the chance to add more clips of his own to the collection. We're always encouraged to take more video shots than what's asked for because that's how it works in the industry, they can always be used for something else.

He's also quite smelly and arrives a few hours late to class and then blames it. His helper and our tutor try and tell him to stop going to bed at 4am in the moment, and he argues he can't because he's autistic. We've been out filming serious projects and we've left him with equipment so he can practice the night before, then we need the equipment that morning he doesn't turn up.
And last week, one guy from my group was saying that the computers went down and he smashed up a keyboard.

Our tutor is extremely annoyed at him too. He tells us that he won't make it in the industry behaving like this all of the time, and doesn't even know why he's studying such a course, because he struggles a lot working with teams. He also knows his boyfriend and knows he's encouraging him into bad things, he also taught him a few years back. My tutor himself is open to the fact he also has autism.

I haven't been able to explain half of his behaviour, but it's wrong to cheat the system and to constantly blame his disability. Our tutor has reported him to the disability office and they've had meetings with him I think. But nothing changes. I've just given him chances after chances because I want him to feel involved and he then just avoids these things.

Like I've said, some of my closest friends are autistic and I've worked with them and been friends with them for years, never have I seen anything like this in my life!

Apart from not working with him again (because sometimes I don't have a choice) is there any advice out there? Or similar situations of dealing with people like this in the workplace?

AylesburyDuck

First question,
You say cheat the system? How exactly, your posts are referring more to his Autism than to the actual system cheats you think he is making. Can you clarify these?
His behaviours, temper, aggresion are indeed a side effect of Autism (meltdown behaviour when faced with stress), even poor hygiene is a trait, so i'm at a loss to see why you think he uses it to get away with things, he seems to be trying to explain his outbursts, what exactly do you think he gets away with?

Tigsteroonie

If you are worried about him "cheating" his way thru the course by a constant cycle of behavioural issue & apology, I would argue that that is the College and Tutor(s) concern and not yours.

Pollycat

Is he on the same course(s) as you?

Jlawson118

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

If you are worried about him "cheating" his way thru the course by a constant cycle of behavioural issue & apology, I would argue that that is the College and Tutor(s) concern and not yours.

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

First question,
You say cheat the system? How exactly, your posts are referring more to his Autism than to the actual system cheats you think he is making. Can you clarify these?
His behaviours, temper, aggresion are indeed a side effect of Autism (meltdown behaviour when faced with stress), even poor hygiene is a trait, so i'm at a loss to see why you think he uses it to get away with things, he seems to be trying to explain his outbursts, what exactly do you think he gets away with?

I think cheating the system was the wrong choice of words on my behalf actually. But it's more he gets away with things that many of us wouldn't. It's more his attitude towards us, and the struggle to work with him in the class when he has outbursts during exams or distracts the learning in general, and his boyfriend is encouraging him to continue with this because he 'has more priority than everybody else' when he smashes a keyboard in anger, he just gets a meeting. If I was to smash a keyboard, it's a matter of charging me for it.

Tigsteroonie is right in saying that the problems lie between the university if that's the case. But my query here is more about the way he's distracting us and to stop thinking he has more of a priority over everybody. Our group has fallen quite a bit behind because of him and our tutor has had to give us extensions after extensions to try and resolve the issue because he knows it'd be wrong to kick him out of the group and leave us to it, and also knows that this guy and his boyfriend would probably try and sue the backside off him for 'discrimination'

The boyfriend is already facing disciplinary action on his job for always being on his phone, his excuse is that he's a carer for him.. if I got my phone out on the job then I'd probably have lost it by now :mad:

Pollycat

Jlawson118 wrote: »

Tigsteroonie is right in saying that the problems lie between the university if that's the case. But my query here is more about the way he's distracting us and to stop thinking he has more of a priority over everybody. Our group has fallen quite a bit behind because of him and our tutor has had to give us extensions after extensions to try and resolve the issue because he knows it'd be wrong to kick him out of the group and leave us to it, and also knows that this guy and his boyfriend would probably try and sue the backside off him for 'discrimination'

The boyfriend is already facing disciplinary action on his job for always being on his phone, his excuse is that he's a carer for him.. if I got my phone out on the job then I'd probably have lost it by now :mad:

It sounds to me like the university or at least the lecturer is prioritising this person's needs above the needs of the rest of the group.
And that isn't fair - it's positive discrimination.

What is the opinion of the rest of your classmates?
Do they agree with you?
If they do, perhaps you should ask for a group meeting with the lecturer to voice your concerns.

AylesburyDuck

Jlawson118 wrote: »

*I think cheating the system was the wrong choice of words on my behalf actually. But it's more he gets away with things that many of us wouldn't. It's more his attitude towards us, and the struggle to work with him in the class when he has outbursts during exams or distracts the learning in general, and his boyfriend is encouraging him to continue with this because he 'has more priority than everybody else' when he smashes a keyboard in anger, he just gets a meeting. If I was to smash a keyboard, it's a matter of charging me for it.

Tigsteroonie is right in saying that the problems lie between the university if that's the case. **But my query here is more about the way he's distracting us and to stop thinking he has more of a priority over everybody. Our group has fallen quite a bit behind because of him and our tutor has had to give us extensions after extensions to try and resolve the issue because he knows it'd be wrong to kick him out of the group and leave us to it, and also knows that this guy and his boyfriend would probably try and sue the backside off him for 'discrimination'

***The boyfriend is already facing disciplinary action on his job for always being on his phone, his excuse is that he's a carer for him.. if I got my phone out on the job then I'd probably have lost it by now :mad:

*I thought as much, and of course he does, allowances have to be made for his Autism, it's his basic rights!

**He's not distracting you on purpose, at least the Uni have taken control of the situation by making sure extensions ARE GIVEN! And to be honest, of course its discrimination if he's kicked out, allowance DO have to be made.

*** I'm sure he'd rather not be getting his phone out to care for his partner, but that life, its what partners do :eek:

You call yourself a friend? Wow, really? A friend would probably read up on Autism more, because it's evident you really dont have a clue, sorry but you get ZERO sympathy from me.

pollyanna_26

In your situation I would step back and concentrate on your own work . We only have your account of the situation so cannot offer advice . It sounds to me as though he isn't receiving the support and social skills training which could improve matters .
Although you wish to help him he needs trained professional help . Yes some on the autistic spectrum have such difficulties and much depends on how these are managed . Autism is complex with many degrees of severity .
The life experiences and management of the condition can contribute to blaming everything on the condition . Everyone has their own personality and a disability does not define their outlook , their own take on the world contributes good or bad to the situation .I feel from your post that staff are unprofessional discussing him with fellow students .
You have a negative tone here so get on with your work and leave it to the experts .
polly

thorsoak

Stop worrying about the other guy and concentrate on your own course and results. He cannot influence your marks ...unless you spend so much time worrying/agonising about what he is/is not doing to the detriment of your own work.

Let the tutors/lecturers worry about him - not you. x

I think it is a Polish saying - but very apt here - "not my monkey, not my circus". Remember that!

Jox

As difficult as the situation may be for you, it is a lesson to you in tolerance and understanding and you will need to find ways to manage the issues you are facing. In the workplace we have to meet / manage / deal with all sorts of people, whether colleagues or customers and it's not always easy!

onomatopoeia99

thorsoak wrote: »

Stop worrying about the other guy and concentrate on your own course and results.He cannot influence your marks

Not actually true, unfortunately. In assessed group projects, one member (or more) either not working, or working contrary to the group can affect the marks of all group members.

I experienced this as an undergraduate, not due to disability but laziness / not making an effort. When a project requires the input of four people to complete to a good standard, if only two of them apply themselves then no matter how hard they work their overall mark is always going to be compromised, even if the tutor is aware of the situation. I still got my 2:1 and apparently the tutor actually made some favourable comments to a prospective employer about my work on that project, but it's pretty gutting to get a mark around 60% of a project when you know the quality of your own work was much higher,