childcare?

chillibum

I am going down legal route for shared care for my daughter, my ex works a very complicated shift system where sometimes she is away 24 hours. I want a week on and a week off for our daughters stability. Can I be forced to work round her shifts? on the weeks she would be having our girl I would cover her shifts as well. I've mentioned this but she went bonkers on me, she's more interested in money

Savvy_Sue

If you are covering your wife's shifts during 'her' weeks then it sounds as if you would be having your daughter more than half the time.

However, a week on and a week off wouldn't necessarily give more stability.

What is your wife's suggestion for these arrangements?

chillibum

Thanks for looking, Sue. Her proposal is I do what she says. Our daughter could be between each others houses 3or 4 times a week, one day with me 2 with her, me again for 1 then her for 1, me for 3 then her for 2. its not a good system within the 9 week rolling rota there is a cover week whereby she doesn't know what shifts or where she could be working are until 10 days before. She thinks that as the mother I have to do what she says, I haven't done anything wrong she is the one to have strayed,

Mojisola

chillibum wrote: »

I am going down legal route for shared care for my daughter

chillibum wrote: »

Her proposal is I do what she says.

Our daughter could be between each others houses 3or 4 times a week, one day with me 2 with her, me again for 1 then her for 1, me for 3 then her for 2.

its not a good system within the 9 week rolling rota there is a cover week whereby she doesn't know what shifts or where she could be working are until 10 days before.

In your situation, I would be going down the route of you being the Parent With Care and your daughter spending less time with her mother - you can't keep passing a child back and forth like she's suggesting.

Caroline_a

When I first split up with my ex we did shared care - week on, week off. Then things changed and she lived with me and her sisters fulltime and saw her dad during holidays. She has told me since (she's an adult now) that she hated the shared care time as she never felt she had a place of her own, it was like being in 2 different hotel rooms, and how she felt much more settled when she lived with me all the time.

chillibum

Id do anything to have her full time but that's wont happen. I hate the thought off her being in split houses but theres nothing I can do

Mojisola

chillibum wrote: »

Her proposal is I do what she says. Our daughter could be between each others houses 3or 4 times a week, one day with me 2 with her, me again for 1 then her for 1, me for 3 then her for 2. its not a good system within the 9 week rolling rota there is a cover week whereby she doesn't know what shifts or where she could be working are until 10 days before.

chillibum wrote: »

Id do anything to have her full time but that's wont happen. I hate the thought off her being in split houses but theres nothing I can do

But there is - you don't have to agree to a shared care arrangement that would be bad for your child.

I can't see that this arrangement would ever be agreed to by a court.

chillibum

Thanks Mojisola. never thought about the courts as I thought the mother got preferential treatment. Even I haven't done anything wrong, other than pay bills etc,

Mojisola

chillibum wrote: »

never thought about the courts as I thought the mother got preferential treatment.

It still is the norm for the mother to become the Parent With Care but it's not always best for the children.

In your case, her work pattern means that it would be almost impossible for her to be the children's main carer. It would be worth getting legal advice about it.

Have you found the forums aimed at fathers in your position such as -
https://fnf.org.uk/
http://www.separateddads.co.uk/