Engaged and in debt

Beautiful-Moose

Hi all

I have been on and off these board for a long time now and thank everyone for their help so far.

Over the Christmas period me and my boyfriend got engaged (totally out of the blue) I am really excited to be engaged but part of me is worried about how the heck we are even going to pay for a wedding when we are about £20k in debt already. I saw how much my partner spent on the ring and was pleased he got it in the sales rather than at full price. Also it cost in the low hundreds not thousands.

I did a snowball calculator at the start of December and worked out we could be debt free by 2019 which is very do-able. However now we need to factor a wedding in to all of this.

Every spare penny we have goes towards being debt free as quick as possible, I don't want to give up on the dream of being debt free and I don't want a wedding to drag us even further down. But equally don't want to wait ages. I don't know what to do.

NYM

Well, the sensible answer is to wait till you can afford it, but realistically, weddings don't have to cost much at all.

*edit* Congratulations on the Engagement

enthusiasticsaver

You do not have to spend a fortune on a wedding and I would strongly recommend you don't go further into debt. Do you live together at the moment?

Beautiful-Moose

Yes we live together in a rented flat together. I am not a big wedding type of girl so the cheaper the better for me.

How much do wedding's even cost these days?! How do you do a cheap and cheerful wedding?!

Oakdene

If you trust your husband to be apply to the TV show Don't Tell the Bride....

MallyGirl

Congratulations!
there are some fees for registry office but other than that you don't 'have' to pay for anything to get married. If you want a church wedding you would need to pay the church instead.
People get really carried away with big dresses/new suits/hen&stag/balloons/flowers/fireworks/you name it. None of that makes you any more married. A professional photographer is pricey but some of our best images from the day are from some disposable cameras we left on tables - these days everyone has a mobile with a camera so you can just ask friends to take lots of pictures and then send them to you.

leslieknope

there are so many ways to have a good wedding on a budget, especially if you're willing to do a little DIY! and a big wedding won't make you any more committed to each other than eloping in a registry office.

there's an app where people can upload their photos of your wedding so you can collate them all and try local colleges and photography students looking to build upa portfolio. they will normally do this cheaper than professionals and you're helping them so you get feel good points.

try making a donation to charity on behalf of your guests and just put some chocolates out in lieu of favours. they're nice to have but honestly unless it's a very close friend or family member i couldn't tell you what i got at the weddings i've been to!

you can find cheaper wedding dresses online and if you order well enough in advance you would have time to make any alterations. and if you look for dresses that aren't advertised as wedding dresses but look the part it will be even cheaper! (i saw a lovely dress in coast that would have been close to my ideal wedding dress if i ever got married and it was only £250! expensive for just a dress but cheap for a wedding dress)

wedding cakes. every single wedding i've been to, there is so much cake that goes to waste. suggest buying just a small tier to cut and keep and then having sheet cake or cupcakes for the guests.

your biggest expense will be the reception and food for the day guests but there are lots of ways to bring this down. you could even have a later wedding and then combine the day and evening guests into one and lay on a nice buffet. everyone mingling and no awkward sitting around waiting for the next part to start.

if you have any guests with particular skills or even just artistically inclined friends, they could donate their time as a gift and help with decorations, flowers, food, make up etc.

and congratulations!

MrsTinks

Start here: Cheaper Weddings

The Special Occasions board also has a plethora of brilliant ideas and if you CAN'T wait to get married until you're debt free then it can definitely be done cheaply if you are willing to forego some of the usual pricey wedding must-haves

Congratulations!

nkkingston

Cheapest wedding is £50 for two people no guests at the registry office. So, there's that! I think the average wedding in this country costs around £20k, but that's an average reached by combining all the relatively cheap £5k does with much rarer Posh and Beck's style £5m jobs, so don't get too hung up on averages.

Generally, the best way to keep costs down is to keep the guest list short. Almost every cost in a wedding gets multiplied by the number of guests, even stuff you don't think about, like decor. More guests = more food and booze, more tables and chairs, more linen, more decor, more invitations and RSVPs, more hassle!

To keep it cheap, the best way is probably a registry office do followed by a reception at someone's house (or garden). Party platters and prosecco from Aldi. If you don't have anyone who can host you, consider a midweek wedding in the off season - you'll find venues half the price they are for a Saturday in summer. Look for town halls etc that'll let you self cater, and do a self-serve buffet so you don't need waitstaff. Ipod for the evening with a rented sound system, or skip altogether if you're not big dancers. No one takes favours home, so ditch 'em, and has anyone ever really cared about seat covers?

Depending on your crowd, you could ask people to gift you booze for the day itself, or the cake, or even the clothes. Debenhams and Monsoon do wedding dresses that are obviously such, but much cheaper than a bridal boutique. If you're not a big white ballgown person though, don't force yourself - people are going to know you're the bride no matter what you wear, so consider investing in something you'll wear again, or tarting up something you already own.

The important thing is not to let anyone bully you into doing something you don't want to. You don't have to invite your third cousin twice removed, or your mum's best friend from school you've never met but she's seen all your photos and would be thrilled to come. You don't have to wear a big white ballgown for everyone to know you're the bride. You don't have to have matching numbers of bridesmaids and ushers (oh god, the bridesmaid creep - you really, really don't have to have someone's six year old in the wedding just because her mum already bought her a dress that matched the bridesmaids' and she'll throw a tantrum if you don't and you don't want to disappoint the poor darling do you?). You don't have to have kids at the wedding, or alcohol, or cake, or flowers, or anything that you're not comfortable dealing with. As long as everyone gets fed and watered and there's somewhere to sit down, guests will be happy if you are.

American wedding website are often handy for tips on keeping costs down, though there are more ways to do so in the US (don't need a licensed venue). Off Beat Bride and APracticalWedding are great, and Rock N Roll Bride is a UK one. Look at other people's budget breakdowns to get an idea of where you want to spend your money.

nearlytherenow

My daughter got married in a registry office and we had a BBQ in a private room at a local pub. It cost hundreds rather than thousands and was exactly what she wanted.

However, if you are 20k in debt you need to address your overspending. It can be very easy to get carried away with spending on weddings!

oldhand

Congratulations on your engagement,My own opinion would be to worry about paying off your debt then concentrate on a wedding.Im sure both you and future hubby would celebrate your wedding day a lot more knowing your debt was cleared.
Whilst a wedding is something to be remembered for the rest of your time together its not something to get deeper into debt for what is really one day.Wish you and future husband the very best in life which ever route you take....