From debt to freedom...

lucielle

Moneywhizz does make a fair point. Could DS contribute half towards his lessons?
L

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you CCL, Moneywhizz and Lucielle. I have asked for half of the £80 I paid on Friday, which was the cost of using the instructor's car for the test and a mini lesson beforehand. I haven't had that. He hadn't paid a penny towards household expenses since starting work, although I have broached the subject several times. I did take the either / or approach ...if you aren't contributing to the household then you could cook one meal a week for all of us. If you don't want to cook. Pay for a takeaway for us all, but that just got a snort in response. Sadly the similarities between the ex and DS are striking...wanting all of the rights but none of the responsibilities . I have come to the conclusion today that I cannot squeeze the budget anyway at all, so if he wants a retest, he will have to pay because the chances of me having a penny spare before Christmas are pretty much zero.

I have been to work today. I wasn't the only one, as 2 colleagues turned up as well. It made me feel a bit better that I wasn't the only one! I got a fair amount done which will hopefully help a bit this week.

Sausage and cider ( the cheapest 85p bottle I could find!) casserole for tea, the perfect warming meal for a wild and windy November evening. I've made a sticky mixed spice cake today as I forgot I had run out of ginger last week. Hopefully it will taste as good .

Spendless

I think that's fair enough HSL. If he refuses to contribute, you stop funding. I don't see another way. I found funding my DS driving lessons expensive and that was with 2 f-time incomes and 2 kids, so god knows how you're managing.

Pretty rubbish to go into work on a weekend, but glad you've got stuff done.

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Spendless.

I've spent the evening meeting up with two friends. On my return, I found the younger ones trampoline in the camellia bush :eek:. I got 2 of the older ones to give me a hand to move it back to the lawn and found a couple of heavy items to wedge it down. It's too dark to see clearly to do anymore tonight. Usually we are quite sheltered and are rarely affected by the wind but not tonight, it's wild out there!

Cherryfudge

I hope the camellia is okay.

lucielle

I really think DS should contribute to the household somehow. All my chaps had to pay board and currently the one at home pays £40pw.

Just think how much a B&B charges and that doesn't include all meals and laundry etc

Could his older sisters have a word to put things in perspective?
L

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Lucielle,

His older sisters are still in full time education although DD1 does contribute by providing and cooking a meal once a week when she is home, hence the suggestion for DS1. DS1 is the first of mine to have a full time job. He feels he shouldn't because his older sisters don't but doesn't quite see that they can't because they are still students. I have explained that when they cease being students they will be expected to contribute but it's an on-going frustration/ battle with DS1.

Thank you Cherryfudge, my sentiments entirely. Fortunately only 1 small branch came off, the rest looks intact!

jaydeejay

Hi HSL2


I have been following along with your diary for some time now and am always amazed at how well you manage so much. I am just popping in to just wonder if you had thought of asking your DS if you could borrow some money from him as things are tight amd see how he reacts to that? I would also suggest you not pay anything joint unless he gives you his half 1st.

Hope you don't mind me butting in and I know it is easier said than done. If you wanted to be really harsh stop cooking for him but that may be too much!
Take care
JDJ

Moneywhizz

It's a shame that your DS is turning this into a confrontational situation. If you don't want to insist on a contribution then you definitely need to withdraw any support at all regarding driving lessons, insurance, and car tax. Because of him having a full time job your expenses have actually increased so he really can't expect anything from you. I'm sure he must know that things are tight enough for you and it would have been good if he had wanted to help but if it is causing a disagreeable atmosphere, may be best just to let it go and make sure you do not support him financially at all. I can't actually believe he still expects that. Hope he comes to his senses soon, it may just be immaturity on his part.

jaydeejay

Your situation has been on my mind today and really there are a few things that may help you think things through
With actions come consequences for us all, especially as adults, so what will be his consequence for not paying his way - loss of your good will, food, comfort at home, no lift home, withdrawal of labour etc. The consequence for you and rest of the children is stress and less of things.

You could perhaps give him your "look", I'm sure you have one that the children know.
Use humour and call him out on it.

Start looking at flat shares for him when he "moves out" and talk about it as a possibility for his growing independance etc be glad he's saving for a deposit on his own place or with his mates!!
Some of these may seem harsh but I get the feeling that confrontation is not for you, but you can be quietly stubborn and not do things, not now, later, no money, be disappointed. You don't need to justify or explain, your house your rules, he could go and live with his dad afterall, would he let him get away with it.
Don't want to upset you as think you do a marvelous job with your family and they have mostly grown up to be caring and considerate young people.
JDJ