From debt to freedom...

Busy_Mee1

I think £100 a month is very reasonable and at 10% of his take home pay sets the bar for the others.

My eldest paid £200 a month but was a high earner and also saved for a house deposit.

My youngest is a lower earner but currently pays £150 per month ( slightly more than 10%) but also pays in to a HISA

savingholmes

When I worked part time I was asked for 10% when it was closer to full time eg in the holidays I was asked for a third. Naturally at the time I resented it - as a parent now myself I agree with it. Please don't take me wrong but I don't understand why you are paying any of his bills. £1K is a huge amount of money for him. He can easily pay for his own needs.

With my DS - he was earning less in a chippy initially- later followed by Mr T paying two or three times as much. I paid half of his driving lessons and on top of that he was required to save at least a third towards uni or other spends I approved and I made sure he did. I said I would charge him the third when he was earning good money otherwise. There were times his savings sat in my account so he wouldn't touch it. It has always been my goal for my kids to be independent and move out relatively young. DH and I married at 21 so other than the odd time between houses of a few months - we never really went home to live after uni. I think if the contribution is set too low - you end up stuck with them failing to contribute into their late 20s and never flying the nest. I see this as unnatural but I know others see things differently.

Just my two pennarth

In terms of coastal places to live - I am drawn to mid Wales partly due to pricing and reduced number of tourists. I love Cornwall and think it would probably be warmer there but queuing tourist traffic would drive me mad. I also like Northumberland and the coast around there. I'd consider Scotland for its beauty and property pricing but I think it would be darker and rainier than where we are....

Moneywhizz

Just to add to the debate about DS paying contribution. I was happy to support my daughter through university as she stayed at home and worked part time. She covered her own expenses including phone, clothes, and driving lessons. When she decided to have a year out of Uni I stopped supporting her and also made her pay the extra council tax as I was no longer entitled to the rebate. When she returned to University I again supported her through. There is a difference between supporting your children while they remain in education and teaching them to financially responsible when they are working. £1000 a month is a lot of money for a young person and he should be paying his way. I would say £50 for the extra council tax and at least £50 towards his food/room. I would not continue to pay towards the running costs of his car or his phone while he has all that money to spend. Saving Holmes is right when she says that many young adults stay at home much longer than they should because they don't have to pay much and are shielded from the reality of living independently. My daughter is very good with money now and had saved up enough money after her first year of full time working to buy her own house. You are obviously a great mum and want to treat your children fairly but as soon as the others finish education they can be expected to contribute in the same way. Hope that doesn't seem too harsh, just my thoughts.

Buffythedebtslayer

Hello Honey suckle

Money is a tricky one. I paid the moment I had a job I think. And I managed uni without help money wise- but that was me being a stubborn cow - I mean I say without help - My Dad rescued me each term and few times in between!

He will come round to the idea. Made me feel properly grown up!

Hope work is alright and you are having a good term XXXXXX

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you CCL, Busy Mee, SH, Moneywhizz and Buffy. Lots to think about, I really appreciate reading about what others have done or thoughts on the matter.

Moneywhizz wrote: »

There is a difference between supporting your children while they remain in education and teaching them to financially responsible when they are working.

Moneywhizz, this sentence is really thought provoking...

Busy Mee - I like the idea of setting a percentage. Hopefully that will allow everyone to be paying a fair proportion.

SH - I think for a long time, I've ended up having to pay bills and I've got used to the ex not contributing and so have got into a wrong expectation of having to pay, which is and has been a struggle. I hadn't thought about young people staying longer at home because of paying so little. Like you, I didn't go back home to live after I left to go to uni as my first job was miles away from where my parents lived.

Buffy - thank you, the term is going ok so far. The new hours have made a huge difference and for the first time in a long time, I'm not having a whole weekend of dread to get through before Monday morning.

Honeysucklelou2

It's been a busy week so far. I didn't leave work until gone 6 on Monday and Tuesday and have an extra day to do tomorrow.

I had a letter from HMRC today to tell me ( following my updating them on DS and DD2 and my new working hours) that I have been paid too much . Thankfully it's an amount they can adjust rather than me having to make repayments. My budget will have to be redone in light of this. Can't quite work out how they have arrived at this because I'm working less hours but I've long since stopped questioning what the CTC department says ! Makes little sense at the best of times, so best to get on with it.

Kitten868

I paid £200 a month when I earned £1000 a month. I was still at 6th form for driving lessons and half of my driving lessons when I was only working weekends.

Not telling you what to do just giving you my information too so you see how normal it is.

I liked the £50 council tax and £50 to the house as that explains what hes paying for and shows him what ,£600 extra on the council tax is in a way he can relate to. You can do this. Xxx

Kitten868

I've always considered anything from the government a riddle. I'm sorry its changed again xxx

Kitten868

And I totally agree about the newest generations attitude to moving out. Guy a work is 25 and thinks nothing of staying at home 3 more years to save for a house!? Me and my mum would have murdered each other by then. I was desperate for my own space at 16 and moved out for uni at 18. I can't understand wanting to stay. Xxx

Drawingaline

I have told my older two I will pay for driving lessons when they are 17, but they will pay me back with their child trust fund when they get that at 18. They both have around 1k in it, so not really enough to help with uni, new car etc, and as my husband doesn't drive they have seen how restricted it can be. They are both pretty happy about it, I won't make them pay on top of that if it costs more, but it looks like they will both go onto college so will only be working part time. And they are going to have to save hard, especially the girl who is determined to go to uni. Atm they save 10% of any income from babysitting/working with me.