From debt to freedom...

savingholmes

Hope you get the oven fixed okay. Still jealous every time you mention the beach. So tempted to move near the coast when we are empty nesters - but worry about jobs and income levels whether we could make it work.

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you SH. I am very conscious of the blessing of being born and brought up living by the sea. I'm also fortunate to have a job on a national pay scale...lots of jobs locally are NMW / zero hour contracts. Researching your coastal area is key...there are some lovely places that are slightly cheaper but more inland and only a short drive to the beach. Some places are ridiculously priced due to the amount of 2nd homes / holiday rentals and popularity of the beach. You can always tell in winter when only 1 house in a street is lit up. Do any particular coastal areas interest you?

Honeysucklelou2

A confession to begin with this morning...I have ordered a new oven. Although I am sure it was just a heating element, I took a good look at the oven. It's about 30 years old ( was put in by the people who built the house 30 years ago). I cook and bake a lot, so have had plenty of use from it in the 11 years I've lived here. The door doesn't actually shut and hasn't for about 6 months...I've just got used to it and allow a bit more time for cooking! About 2 months ago, DS1 was carrying a seat through the house and being rather like a bull in a china shop, he charged through and managed to break off a section of the handle, thus allowing more heat to escape every time it's on. Although I don't want to spend anymore, it seems a false economy to repair something that is working inefficiently as it is. I really don't want to spend any more especially having just had to sort the hob. Unfortunately the EF is looking quite low at the moment as I had to use it to get DD1 back to uni. Anyway the oven is due to be delivered this afternoon. It comes with a plug, so no need for an electrician .

A busy week lies ahead, as I have an extra day to work, but not sure if I'll be paid for it. Lots of housework to get done today and a few work tasks.

Yesterday my mum came to visit for the day so I made some lentil and bacon soup which was very warming. Thankfully there is enough for lunch today and possibly tomorrow. I've paid £77 off across 2 debts today so figures are slowly going down.

crazy_cat_lady

I think that's a wise idea HSL. You are always baking, and it's important that you have an oven that does the job. My oven is rubbish - I hate it - and every time my mother comes to the house she nags me to get a new oven. I've resisted so far though, because I don't use it much and I can't afford it.
But if I were you I would definitely have bought a new one. Enjoy it!

Honeysucklelou2

The oven arrived at 1 ish. I have duly celebrated by baking a batch of Chelsea buns, a batch of chocolate muffins, 2 lemon drizzle cakes and some potato wedges . The new oven is so quiet I thought I hadn't switched it on. I must have got used to the sound of the fan with the refusing-to-shut door!

Just before the oven was delivered we managed a walk in the local woods with the elderly lurcher and one of the mad puppies. It was refreshing to get out. The leaves made quite a deep, damp carpet under our feet. At one point in the wood there is section that has a 20 foot drop. The last time we came it was just a mini cliff like wall. today it had a gushing waterfall as the rain from recent days makes its way to the stream at the bottom of the wood. Just shows how much rainfall we have had. When we reached the stream, DS3 was delighted to find a bridge from which he could play pooh-sticks

Honeysucklelou2

I'm finding money a tricky subject with the older children. DD1 is fine, works hard and has some understanding of the cost of living and is independent minded. DD2 works hard to hold down a college course and a part time job. She pays for most of her clothes, I pay for any she says she is short of and I pay for her uniforms for college and bus pass etc. DS1 has now started his full time job and been working for about 6 weeks. He's enjoying it which is good. We had a chat about contributing a little towards household costs which did not go down well at all. As yet he has contributed nothing but I'm paying for his car insurance and mobile phone contract and driving lessons. Today I was up front with DS1 and the ex and said with everything I'm having to pay, I couldn't pay for his driving lesson this week. That didn't go down too well either. The ex did, in the end, pay most but DS1 again refused to contribute. What worries me is that the ex did this...when we were together he didn't contribute towards household bills and it concerns me that this pattern could continue with DS .

On a brighter note today was a NSD .

Cherryfudge

I wonder if one of his sister's could have a word with him? After all, it's not fair on them.
Happy New oven!

Busy_Mee1

A difficult one and unfortunately he hasn't had a very good role model in your ex.

Do you know what your son's objection is to paying board ? Is it because his sisters don't (I think they are both still in education ?)

Could you set out ground rules now for all your children. So that as soon as they finish education and start work they contribute x to the household....it could be he thinks there is a fairness issue here and if he knows that the same will apply to all his siblings he may feel differently.

I found with my two that the path to financial independence needed to be phased.....I gave them notice of when I would stop paying their car insurance and phone contract and didn't stop it all at the same time. Once they left education and started work they both paid towards their keep ( not loads but enough so that they understood there was a cost to living at home)

Did you pay for your daughter's driving lessons ? Is that why your son expects the same ?

I think if I was in your position I would maybe offer to fund one driving lesson a month, suggest that his Dad also pays for one a month and then if your son wants any more he funds them himself.

I know your ex isn't normally very helpful but on this occasion is it worth asking him to have a chat to him.

Also would it be worth explaining your finances to your son, so he can see how tight things are.

This is tricky stuff, but I hope you solve it..

Honeysucklelou2

Thank you Cherryfudge and Busy Mee1.

I think you've hit the nail on the head Busy Mee, in that DS feels it's unfair. I have explained to him that the girls are still in full time education and when they finish they will be expected to contribute too. I've even gone into an explanation of what the utility bills constitute and that when he turns 18, I will have to pay the full council tax bill which will be another £600 a year. There is somewhat of a mentality that if it's not tangible, it's not considered which is what the ex was like.

DS said yesterday that he's earning £1k a month. I had thought of £100 a month as a contribution which I had thought was ok but perhaps it's too much? Two friends IRL had £100 a month from their post education aged children. This gave them the chance to save up for deposits on their own house.

I've also explained that DD1 has huge material costs as part of her course and she pays her own rent / living costs at uni. DD2 pays for her petrol and road tax, so I pay for her insurance. When DS started driving I said to both of them, that I could afford to pay £50 a month towards each of their insurances. DD2 pays the £17 a month extra, DS 's is bang on £50. I have explained to him that when he passes his insurance will go up. DD2 has a black box but DS is adamant that he won't have one.

I think there is an element of attitude to money as well. The DDs are both savvy. They each save and have opened Help to Buy accounts in which they are saving albeit small amounts. In contrast DS, by his own admission, can go through £100 in a day :eek:. He also smokes so a chunk of his money goes on that.

That's a good idea Busy Mee, to pay for 1 lesson a month, the ex to pay for 1 and any others DS to fund for himself. I've paid for the provisional licence, theory test, practical tests and most lessons so far. ( My parents paid for the first 3) . Hopefully there won't be too many more as his test is coming up soon.Thank you Busy Mee, great idea .

crazy_cat_lady

I think £100 a month is more than reasonable. Obviously we know that he couldn't afford to live on his own for anywhere near that. My dd and ds are similar although younger. DD can hang onto money really well and researches everything she buys but ds just spends as soon as he gets.
Anyway, I digress. I know it will be difficult but your ds may need to learn the hard way. I would perhaps consider deducting what you expect him to contribute before you pay his phone or insurance, or move the payments over to him and you give him the bit that you're prepared to pay. Then he'll either have to learn to budget or get into trouble. Tough I know, but I wish that was a lesson I had learned earlier in life.
He may not think it's fair but he is the one that isn't studying any more and is lucky enough to have a job...