Starting to face up to it all

Jacks_xxx

:hello: Hiya sweetie, welcome to the gang!

We owed £96700 just over a year ago, and now we're down to about £35k - and we earn about £45k between us. :eek: According to my latest Snowball we'll be debt free in February 2010 which sounds like a long way off but it was 2028 the first time I did it!

http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx

You can deal with this - but you two need to work together.

I may be way off track here but is it possible that you feel resentful about having to pay your husbands debts and that's why you haven't really taken them in hand and dealt with them efficiently?

And does he feel that there's nothing he can do on the small amount he earns so he kind of abdicates responsibility to you? ( A "You've got all the money YOU deal with it." kind of thing?)

Draw up a SOA and ask him to take some time to go over it with you, and work out how you can do this thing together.

I hope I haven't been too personal hon.

Love Jacks xxx

lunar

Hi, I was terrified of looking at my SOA after having my lightbulb moment. once i completed it i realised that i wasnt the worst thing. It felt quite positive, id had nightmares for months, terrifies to look at any of my accounts, that was much worse than sitting down and taking positive steps towards fixing things.

If hubby still sticks his head in the sand show him your SOA, show him what it will look like in 1, 5, and 10 years time if things go on as they are! You have done the hardest thing in admitting the problem to yourself. I will look forward to reading your SOA.

In_Search_Of_Me

Morning Evie! I woke up thinking of you this am and wondered how you were doing (not in a weird way, just a been there & thinking of you kind of way!). OK where to start. Get togeather all your bills, loan amounts etc (I rang for mine) and essential bills and look at what you get coming in and shares etc that you have. If people are ringing daily that would indicate that the situation is pretty bad so I would suggest ringing CCCS. Have a think too about what you can get rid off by selling - ebay etc. Is there equity in your home that you could sell and use for debt repayment? I know that this is a terribel thing to have to consider but you need to think of all your options os you can make an informed decision on where to go from here. If it gets to the stage where you cannot pay the decision will be made for you so much better to take control of it now and deal with it before you get to that point.
The shame of debt is the same regardless of whether you have a big house/car or like my neighbor went bankrupt in a council house. Only thing is shes better off ironically because she has no house so less to loose! Bizarre isnt it!
You will both need to make drastic changes to get out of this and while that is hard it is also quite exciting! You find out who your friends are and learn the value of simple things that you never thought you would enjoy. Even better you soon come to realise that you wasted so much and got so many tings you didnt need! My house is happier, cleaner & tider than it ever was whe it was filled with crap!
Have a good sort and dedicate some time to it. Stop putting it off because the longer you leave it the harder it becomes. People are more amiable when you deal with them rather than just avoiding them & I know when I spoke to CCCS they told me to make token payments of £1 while it was being sorted. That was enough to make me get sorted because I'd never not paid in my life!
Another big hug for you! Keep us posted and do share with close friends; I now tell everyone which means that people often come for help whe they realise that they have no money & it feels great to be able to help people like this. Those that dont in my opinion (IMO) arent worth it anyway...and they are probably feeling uncomfortable because of their own debt!!

always_amazed

hey evie,
I'm quite new here but just wanted to say that these guys are the best, there is SO much support. Well done and a MASSIVE HUG for doing this!! I found reading through the 'pearls of wisdom' on the Debt Free Roll of Honour really useful, helped me to start off on the right foot I think!!


xxxx

always_amazed

hey evie,

I'm quite new here but just wanted to say that these guys are the best, there is SO much support. Well done and a MASSIVE HUG for doing this!! I found reading through the 'pearls of wisdom' on the Debt Free Roll of Honour really useful, helped me to start off on the right foot I think!!


xxxx

rustybucket

Well done for posting, while you feel awful now, if you can start to do what other have suggested on here, it will get better.

I'm embarressed to be in the debt I am in, and like us all robbing pete to pay paul wasa awful, laying awake in bed at night thinking about it.

On a DMP which has stopped me worrying, and I now feel responsible with my money, and I will never buy anything on credit ever again.

I hope your hubby shares this with you.

Good luck.

P.S. Shocked at how little he will earn after all that paying out

clairehi

Hi Evie

Youve had fab advice from everyone here and I hope theyve made you feel welcome. I have to say though I was a bit concerned by the tone of your first post that it seems you and your HB are not really working as a team on this one. It sounds like you are shouldering the responsibility, not only of servicing the debt, but of worrying about it (or at least you feel like you are). I dont think that you can sort out the financial problems before you and he both share the vision that there is a problem.

Obviously you need to ensure you have enough money coming in to pay the pressing bills but you also need to re-assess the longer-term. Its all very well cutting back on the spa treatments but you also need to decide whether this dream of his is worth pursuing further or should he cut his losses.

You say that he needs another £20K to be fully qualified. Is this a realistic figure? Is he ever going to cut it in this new career - seriously. Would this be pouring good money after bad or would spending that £20K guarantee that he could secure a wellpaid job? Could you extrapolate forward to see if/when you would pay off the debt? Are you in a position to raise the £20K somehow?

This is something you got into together and you need to find a way out together. He needs to take this seriously!

Good luck, C x

In_Search_Of_Me

:smileyhea hope you're ok? All gone a bit quiet....hug for you

fc123

Hi an SOA (including current waxing exps ) would help...........bet my waxing cost more once!!

My feeling is that as the pilot traning is so far in best to try to carry on BUT within the budget you are going to set....he may need to do another P/T job to contribute more each (yes, I know it means zero time off) but if it is his dream, then a bit of sacrifice on his part is no big deal. you don't mention kids........if no kids, this is the time of your life to get straight...when or if they come along, household bills just multiply 10 fold plus ones ability to work all hours required is curtailed.

is your job secure for the time being?? I immagine that you have to work long hours and be totally committed to earn that kind of salary...9 - 5 weekeds off type jobs don't tend to pay at that level.....this is where the spending can go crazy (i know...been there)...too tired to cook after long day...pop out for cheap pizza but bill ends up at £60!...............tips on cooking from scratch and organising the fridge are my speciality.....likewise, getting trapped into a mad rush around some crap, corporate supermarket late at night.then 7 days later, binning half of it as all gone off as had no time to cook and eat it (yes, been there).

we got 3 cards onto 0% with a bit of effort....pls post if you want any tips.

the worst thing is the spending diary...start one now...........the costa cofee habit was the big shocker for me (£40 + per mnth.)...mind you, the withdrawal symptoms were BAD....do they put something in it??

Anyhow, since last week, i log on most nights after 10pm....no telly now, can't afford to get an aerial installed.....i seem to have acquired mountains of free time that i never knew i had (plus no longer waste hours drooling over phil on re-location,envying Srah Beeney and costing up facelifts after watching 10 yrs youger).

In_Search_Of_Me

How you doing evie? :wave: Hope you're ok....