Just Had A Row......

livingbeyond

...with my wife. It's my 30th birthday next month, and she has been asking me what I would like. I told her I didn't want anything, as the best present I could have would be to see £500 go off our debts. Anyway, she said she has to get me something, so I told her a book. She has gone off the wall as she says she wanted to get me something special, and i've cut up all the credit cards today.
It is her 30th in November, so I dont want to get in the situation of spending two large amounts of money, especially just before christmas.
I am getting the silent treatment now, so please reply!!!!! What should I do, let her spend the money she wants or stick to my guns?

mrcow

Compromise!

Agree on an amount for a present that you will both find acceptable and stick to it.

There is always middle ground

Toto

Stick to your guns. Gifts are nice but they're just things. Experiences with the people we love are the gifts that we remember. If she wants to do something nice she could cook a nice meal etc. I once turned my dining room into a restaurant, menu written in french and all (DH is french canadian). Soppy so and so still talks about it, it was a fantastic evening, just us, candles, wine and time together.

Rikki

How about deciding the amount you can each spend on one another and see who can find the most interesting / unusual present to make it a really special 30th birthday gift.

sweetpeas_2

i think ur being really sensible lb. it is always nice to go out and spend stuff on each other, and shes obv only doing it cos she loves you and wants something nice for your birthday.
me and dh in similar situation for christmas, agreed not to get each other owt cos cant afford it really, but i know full well ill get him some stuff-even if its inexpensive, just to unwrap on the day.
what about a compromise? when u said £500-is that just a random figure or is that what you would actually spend on each other? cos that is alot if so. what about saying to her-get me something u know ill love for £x maybe, like £20-30. then you do same in november for her. or you could say, id rather spend the night in with you and watch a nice film, so why dont you pick a nice bottle of wine, new dvd-you can get both these for less then £20-shell be happy cos shes got you something she knows u will like, and you will be happy knowing youve kept the money down. if you spend £20 on each other, you can then put £20 extra towards your debts also. WIN-WIN.

hope this helps

x

MadDogWoman_2

Hi,

DH and I have agreed a maximum of £20 on any present.

DH just took me out for a meal last year for my 30th as we had just started a DMP with the CCCS. Plus I got a positive pregnancy test that day so no present could top it.

I would definitely try and compromise.

MDW

JCD_Capulet

Why not ask her to do some DFW type things with you as a gift, I'm sure she'd understand that getting out of debt is more of a priority than spending money on trinkets. Organise a car boot sale together/gut the house and spend a day listing on ebay then a nice home made and candle lit (saves on lekky ) meal to top the evening off? Maybe even share a romantic (and again, dfw style) bubble bath with some plonk on special offer?

Stick by your guns, it's your birthday remember x

livingbeyond

I think I am going to let it cool down for an hour, explain my reasons why and then try and set a budget for each of us for both of our birthdays and for christmas. It will be hard as we have always gone to town on presents for each other in the past.

In_Search_Of_Me

compromise & tell her you'd like repayment in kind and tell her to have a look at your sig for WHY you are being so sensible! Hug for you & well done on not being tempted!

OberonSH

Not wanting to stir things up, do you think she's having a crack because she wants to make sure she gets a nice big pressie on *her* birthday? It doesn't sound like she's realised your financial situation, and is resenting the fact. She's used to being able to go out and spend loads on this sort of thing, it's just not possible any more.

I agree, a nice homecooked meal and just spending some special time together would be my wish. How about you tell her she can spend £10 on a book (make sure she goes through a cashback site!) and you'd love it if she cooked [insert favourite meal here] for you.

RAS

:DHi

Seems like the lady needs to spend to feel that she is expressing her feeling to you. and presumably visa versa. Not easy.

What would you like that is really special and costs nothing, or very little?:D