Disillusioned by dating after 2 years. Please read. Would welcome some suggestions.

indiepanda

Hi Chris

I can empathise with your situation. I am feeling a bit jaded by dating although I don't think I've taken it quite to the extent you have.

My suggestions would be:-

- Take a rest from dating for a little while, you sound exhausted. Don't actively seek dates again until the idea excites you.

- Give up on Tinder - it's not the best place to find a long term relationship as too many people there just see it as a hook up thing and encourages focus on looks above things like shared interests and values.

- Don't put dating above friendships. Even if I found my Mr Right I wouldn't stop spending time with friends - I don't ever expect to find a man that shares every interest and I think it's important not to make one's social life wholly dependent on a partner anyway - can put too much pressure on the relationship.

- If you aren't looking to have children any time soon then I would mention that on a dating profile. It's one of those things that is usually a deal breaker either way for people (I am in the "don't want them, wouldn't want to date anyone with young children" camp).

Have a great Christmas and look after yourself

Kim_kim

Going back to the First Lady - why did you delete her if you were dating her & what do you mean she ghosted on you?

Sicard

Get a prospectus from your local adult education evening classes, see what you'd like to learn, meet like-minded people, make more friends, maybe meet nice female.

NWOIHTS

What I have found with online dating is hardly any of the women even take it seriously. Makes me wonder what they are actually on there for to be honest. Why would you go online (on a DATING site), put pictures and a description up them not bother replying to emails or hardly make an effort when someone shows interest?

indiepanda

NWOIHTS wrote: »

What I have found with online dating is hardly any of the women even take it seriously. Makes me wonder what they are actually on there for to be honest. Why would you go online (on a DATING site), put pictures and a description up them not bother replying to emails or hardly make an effort when someone shows interest?

You think this is exclusive to women? :rotfl:

I have messaged plenty of men to have no reply and a lot of the men that have messaged me have been either delusional (nope, I am not going to date someone old enough to be my dad or young enough to be my son) , clearly just looking for a fling or totally lazy about filling out their profiles - "anything you want to know, just ask" - rather than putting any details up. Oh and the ones that are clearly sending the same message to 100s of women as it says nothing personal.

My first attempt at internet dating I replied to everyone, even the clear time wasters but the next time round I just couldn't be bothered to reply to anyone that sounded like I someone I would not dream of meeting. I ended up dating someone for a while both times (nearly two years the first time), but after the second time round resulted in me dating someone whose wife had a restraining order against him I decided to give it a rest for a while... being single seemed quite good by comparison.

I am sure there are some decent ones in there, but it's like looking for needle in a haystack and they tend to get snapped up pretty quickly.

PeacefulWaters

NWOIHTS wrote: »

What I have found with online dating is hardly any of the women even take it seriously. Makes me wonder what they are actually on there for to be honest. Why would you go online (on a DATING site), put pictures and a description up them not bother replying to emails or hardly make an effort when someone shows interest?

A female friend of mine showed me the seven messages she'd received in a particular day. She said they were typical of every day.

Two were pervy. Three were single word. One was incoherent waffle and the other was, despite a half decent message, not exactly blessed in the looks department.

I no longer lose sleep over no reply. If something about me or my message doesn't appeal I'd at her have no reply than a brief "not my type" response.

ChrisJones1

Hello Hello Hello

indiepanda

ChrisJones1 wrote: »

I don't think I have seen a single friend this year. But probably been on dates with 30-50 women and slept with quite a few. Tinder is perfect for that. A man still needs to eat whether I have a girlfriend or not.

I was new to the app and got blinded by all the dazzling women who were interested in me, and I deleted her so she could not see when I was last Active. I could see she wanted to tell me that on our last date and then we never spoke.

I learned from my mistake but also kept that in mind with one of the women I dated, we used to have sex 5-6 times a day and she was quite into me but at the same time I knew she could not be reliable because I saw her Active on Tinder every day. That made me realise that most women on Tinder are not relationship worthy, however there are a small portion of good people there who are relationship worthy and will stop. The Mediterranean girl is an example of that.

As an observation, someone who went on something like 30-50 dates in a year, sleeping with a number of them without them being your girlfriend because "a man needs to eat", carrying on active on tinder whilst seeing various girls, I struggle to understand how you judge that most women on tinder aren't relationship worthy whilst clearly thinking you are. Seems you are condemning them for behaving just like you have.

ChrisJones1

I am not condemning them. I got caught up in it and now realise it's not what I want because I've had plenty to last a lifetime.

indiepanda

ChrisJones1 wrote: »

I am not condemning them. I got caught up in it and now realise it's not what I want because I've had plenty to last a lifetime.

Ah, fair enough.