Disillusioned by dating after 2 years. Please read. Would welcome some suggestions.

ChrisJones1

Hello Hello Hello

Barny1979

I would suggest where you are going wrong is seeking a relationship via Tinder. I tried online dating websites for 4 1/2 years, finally met the "one" through Match. I found I would become weary of online dating, so regularly took breaks and "me" time to make myself a better person.

NeilCr

I always tend to think it's a good idea to go places where you meet people. Not necessarily looking for a partner but the more folks you know the more you meet other people.

I met my current partner through where I volunteer. We sat next to each other at the Xmas meal (she worked at another branch) and we went from there. The gym might be good - I know a couple who met at our gym and the classes are very social. We go out as a group together sometimes

Certainly don't lose touch with your friends - they are a social and supportive network. And you never know - one might have a partner who has a friend.....

I must admit I often find that friends and acquaintances (and me) have found someone when they are not looking. You are more relaxed!

marisco_2

Sounds like a good idea to reconnect with your mates and go with the flow a bit for a while. No relationship is ever worth giving up strong friendships for. They are all part of keeping your identity and a level of independence which is an important part of any long term connection you may find later on.


I hope 2017 will be a happy one for you.

Pollycat

Do you not have the chance of meeting someone at work or somewhere face-to-face?
Apologies..... all my relationships were like that. But then again, dating websites didn't exist in my day.

fierystormcloud

ChrisJones1 wrote: »

Hi,

This is my first post, I have read these forums but finally decided to take jump and post.

I've primarily only been dating via Tinder for the last couple of years.

Initially it was great, I was getting a buzz of matching 10 women a day and going on so many dates and having fun.

I also had some bad experiences but was plowing through those bad moments because my enthusiasm was high.

I dated this amazing girl for a few months but she ghosted on me because I deleted her from my Tinder. I learned that I shouldn't have done that.

Then I met this another great girl a few months later. She was 7 years older than me and we dated for nearly a year but she broke up with me because of family issues and the fact that her clock was ticking and wanted children.

Then I dated this Mediterranean woman for 6-7 months and I broke up with her because I was not fully satisfied and couldn't see myself long term with her.

Through all of this I have learned a great deal about myself as well as women and also what I like and don't like.

I have also realised that there is no perfect relationship and that you have to compromise for sure and be willing to deal with differences.

Having consistently dated for the last 2 years I am now feeling worn out.

I am much more mature than I was but also slightly disillusioned by the dating scene on apps like Tinder and others. People match but don't talk, my enthusiasm has dwindled, the app has also changed and their algorithm also seems to give less matches than before to monotize in-app purchases like Boost. I still get 2-5 matches a day but seems like it's just a boredom game because rarely do girls in the big city I live in take it seriously or there is a big pool for them to pick from. And I am OK with that because I still feel I am among the best when I put the effort in.

I want a relationship with a solid woman but right now I feel like maybe these Dating Apps are not the place to find it.

Or I need to take a break and focus on rebuilding myself.

Maybe I should time-out for 3-4 months, read books, enjoy company of myself, hit the gym again and build up my fitness to a good level again and get some consistency.

It's also taken a toll on my friendships because by spending so much time with the girls I date I have lost contact with my friends. Instead to deal with my tired state I read books much more and dedicate myself to work but there is only so much my brain can fit in that I feel quite heavy mentally.

Thank you for reading. I feel a bit better for opening up like this but also welcome your thoughts and suggestions.

You have answered your own question in your long post here. Stop trying so hard, and have a break from it all.

Whatever happened to the days when people actually met in person and didn't depend on dating sites. You are going to struggle to meet your lifelong love on tinder.

As I said, it also appears that you appear to be trying too hard. This probably comes across when you talk to women.

KxMx

When it's not fun, and causing you more angst than pleasure, it is definitely time to step away from the dating sites lol.

Huwbert

Go out and meet people stress-free, you know who you might meet. I joined this website and there are some great groups on there, many of them free for a whole range of activities (I rockclimb), business networking, dancing, walking, sports, weekend socials etc:

https://www.meetup.com/

I know what you mean about the t'interweb dating, it can become somewhat soulless and a tad Groundhog Day if you feel you are just going through the motions. I feel it is better to just go out and meet people and if a relationship happens, it will happen more organically.

Turtle

I'd definitely give it a rest for a bit and make friends with your friends again. People do meet long term partners on dating sites, I have two friends who've done exactly that who both have children with the people they met and are marrying next year. So, it can be done. I'd still forget it for a bit though, you may well meet someone when you're not looking.

ChrisJones1

Thank you to each of your posts.

I am feeling slightly liberated :-)

peachyprice

OP, why not give the old fashioned way a try, let nature do it's work. Humankind has relied on the senses for thousands of years, online dating can't replace that rush you get when you meet someone, often quite randomly, and there's a palpable spark between you.