Feeling Let Down by people

borkid

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I felt very hurt when I never got a thing back - not even a card, it wasn't so much that I needed one back, it just felt like a snub, or that they didn't like me. If they liked me they'd get me one back right? So if they don't get me one, they don't like me/don't care about me.

Wrong. Usually. People don't think, they're too busy to get anything, they have other priorities way above you, they don't have much money and if they buy you one, they will have to buy for the other 15 friends/acquaintances/colleagues/neighbours around them. As I said, it will rarely be because they dislike you.

I have a neighbour who buys myself and OH presents for our birthdays after I've said we don't want anything we have everything we need. She doesn't take the hint and apart from giving them back I can't see how to make it any plainer. We don't give her presents because we don't want this to continue. We always say thank you though.

One year I made and sent a present to another friend, no thank you. Mid January it suddenly dawned that he hadn't thanked us, he was mortified because he had forgotten. the reason being his daughter had died on boxing day.

Just to illustrate that there are various reasons why people don't return gifts or say thank you.

annie_d

As my husband so often says……no such thing as altruism. Seems he could be right.

Sicard

I know how you feel. I attended my first class on How To Be More Assertive and they told me to !!!! off!

You just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and get on with it.

Person_one

fierystormcloud wrote: »

(I mean, I never wanted much, just a box of maltesers would have done, or a terry's chocolate orange!

A short dated second hand chocolate orange?

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5149094

NWOIHTS

passatrider wrote: »

I know this is a difficult time of year. It seems though this year I seem to be being let down by people I trusted, shunned by friends etc.
I made the effort with two long standing friends this year for their birthdays and both of them either never said thank you or just couldn't be bothered. I find this hard at best of times due to my anxiety disorder.
The charity Shop I also volunteer for has even turned into a chore. The volunteers seem to work against me it seems for no apparent reason. I just have little enthusiasm for it anymore and want to quit.
I know life is tough for many but when things just stack up against you it just feels like there's no point to it.

How do you cope?

Everyone is self-centred now, just do what you want for you, don't rely on anyone ever again.

Slinky

Person_one wrote: »

A short dated second hand chocolate orange?

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5149094

That thread came to mind when I read the comment also!

Lbuk

Communicate.

No one is going to be trying to hurt you, they are simply treating you in a manner that they find acceptable and which you do not. No right or wrong, although a thank you certainly would be the least they could do but perhaps they don't realise.

So as for communicating. Give it a week or two after their birthday and ask them if they had a good day - the least *you* could do (see it works both ways). Ask if they got anything nice etc and if by the end of the natural conversation they still haven't mentioned your gift then go for it and ask if they liked what you got them. If that still doesn't get some acknowledgement then hopefully you'll be realising how unworthy of your kindness that they are.

As for the volunteering, I'm not sure what you mean by working against you but if you communicate about them as they happen then it is much easier to pass it off as lighthearted than if you let it fester before mentioning it. If you want to leave though, leave.

unholyangel

OP you said you have anxiety disorder, but are you also aware that anxiety goes hand in hand with depression in a lot of situations?

You may be full aware of what depression is so forgive me if I'm not telling you anything new.....but depression isn't about feeling sad/down in the dumps. Its lack of motivation, hopelessness, desolation, isolation - it basically rewires your brain to view things negatively.

Also bear in mind that this is the time of year when people are prone to feeling depressed or lonely.

Get an appointment with your GP and talk to them about it - that in itself can be hard for someone suffering from depression or anxiety (or a range of other conditions!) but try and open up. You'll feel so much better when you do. Also perhaps try visiting http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/ and see if you identify with anything said on there. Its a NHS Scotland website but should be available for you to use (i'm not sure if NHS England have one).

As for your friends.....tell them how you feel. How are they supposed to know theres a problem if you haven't told them? Not saying what they did was nice, it was inconsiderate at best. But at least if you tell them, you'll get a better idea of the kind of friend they are. The worst that can happen is you lose the type of friend that you don't seem to want in the first place. But I find being upfront about those things can often make all the difference in the world - if each person can understand where the other is coming from.