Feeling Let Down by people

passatrider

I know this is a difficult time of year. It seems though this year I seem to be being let down by people I trusted, shunned by friends etc.
I made the effort with two long standing friends this year for their birthdays and both of them either never said thank you or just couldn't be bothered. I find this hard at best of times due to my anxiety disorder.
The charity Shop I also volunteer for has even turned into a chore. The volunteers seem to work against me it seems for no apparent reason. I just have little enthusiasm for it anymore and want to quit.
I know life is tough for many but when things just stack up against you it just feels like there's no point to it.

How do you cope?

Artytarty

Start by taking control. If you feel undervalued then leave and find, or don't, somewhere that you are a better fit. I've been in your shoes too.
I've stopped giving gifts to friends who never thanked or at least I've cut back in the thought and money that goes I tom their gift.
Then you won't feel so hard done by.

calleyw

Remember that not everyone is like you.

I feel guilty if I don't text and say thank you for presents the moment I open them. Other people have lives and things like that that get forgotten and never done.

Just don't bother again with presents only a card.

Find somewhere else to volunteer if you no longer like it. As once you become resentful its hard not to stop being so.

Yours

Calley X

fairy_lights

Maybe it's time to take stock of your life and change the things that aren't working out in the new year.
If you're not enjoying your volunteer work any more, find something else, it could be an opportunity to branch out in to something new and meet some new people.
Your friends not making as much effort as you'd like isn't necessarily because they don't care - people get busy, and life gets in the way sometimes. But maybe it is a sign that you need to branch out a bit and make some new friends.
I think you can either dwell on the things that have gone wrong this year and let it get on top of you, or you can use it as an opportunity to change your life for the better.

Proxima_Centauri

To paraphrase Gandhi, "Be the change you want to see.."

Not always easy, but something to aspire to.

pinkshoes

You cope by growing thick skin, and focusing on the things in life that do make you happy.

If friends can't even be bothered to appeciate your time and effort, then they are not friends. Spend your time and effort on those that will appreciate it.

DigForVictory

+1 to spend this season deciding what you'd rather do & researching how to start that. Not only will you be happier planning to leave unloved volunteering (do so with some warning & grace?), and moving towards what you'd rather do, but you will likely meet more folk some of whom may be friend material.

All the best!

Fireflyaway

I cope by knowing the issue is with the rude / inconsiderate people and not me. I am convinced people have become more impatient and inconsiderate in general over the years . I agree with the others. Find a new volunteer opportunity and don't bother with presents again. If this rudeness bothers you it shows you have consideration when others don't so that's a good thing to be proud of.

suejb2

You only have control of how you deal with situations, you cannot control others. If they don't acknowledge you for your presents,control your own reaction be that ignoring them confronting them or simply moving on from their friendship.

Again with your volunteering ,you have the control. Change charities or merely the shop.

fierystormcloud

passatrider wrote: »

I know this is a difficult time of year. It seems though this year I seem to be being let down by people I trusted, shunned by friends etc.
I made the effort with two long standing friends this year for their birthdays and both of them either never said thank you or just couldn't be bothered. I find this hard at best of times due to my anxiety disorder.
The charity Shop I also volunteer for has even turned into a chore. The volunteers seem to work against me it seems for no apparent reason. I just have little enthusiasm for it anymore and want to quit.
I know life is tough for many but when things just stack up against you it just feels like there's no point to it.

How do you cope?

I think many people on here will come out with the same tale - myself included in the past.

What I would ask you passatrider, is what I was asked myself in the past when I got a bit sniffy and miffed that people were not returning cards and gifts. (I mean, I never wanted much, just a box of maltesers would have done, or a terry's chocolate orange!

What I was asked is why I buy cards and gifts for people. Because I want to and it makes me feel good, because I want one back, or because I want them to like me. Not sure of exactly why tbh, but I think it was a bit of all 3.

I felt very hurt when I never got a thing back - not even a card, it wasn't so much that I needed one back, it just felt like a snub, or that they didn't like me. If they liked me they'd get me one back right? So if they don't get me one, they don't like me/don't care about me.

Wrong. Usually. People don't think, they're too busy to get anything, they have other priorities way above you, they don't have much money and if they buy you one, they will have to buy for the other 15 friends/acquaintances/colleagues/neighbours around them. As I said, it will rarely be because they dislike you.

All that said, there comes a time when you have to stop bothering if they are never ever getting anything back, and don't even acknowledge what you get. As someone said earlier in the thread, if they were real genuine friends, they would get something back, or at least be a little bit grateful.

I sent Christmas cards to about 16 neighbours when we first moved to our new house, (all 16 in my cul de sac,) and about 10 sent them back, I sent them all again the next year; got 13 back. again all 16 on the 3rd year; got 13 back. so on the 4th year I didn't send to the 3 that never sent me one for all 3 years. Because IMO, they are obviously not into cards, and they never thanked us for ours at any point.

calleyw wrote: »

Remember that not everyone is like you.

I feel guilty if I don't text and say thank you for presents the moment I open them. Other people have lives and things like that that get forgotten and never done.

Just don't bother again with presents only a card.

Find somewhere else to volunteer if you no longer like it. As once you become resentful its hard not to stop being so.

Yours

Calley X

This ^ Not everyone is like you. When you are a kind and thoughtful person who thinks about a lot of people, and it's not reciprocated, it can be hard to deal with. You feel rejected and hurt. Chances are though (as I said above,) that people just forgot/didn't think/had other priorities.

pinkshoes wrote: »

You cope by growing thick skin, and focusing on the things in life that do make you happy.

If friends can't even be bothered to appreciate your time and effort, then they are not friends. Spend your time and effort on those that will appreciate it.

This too. If people don't reciprocate and don't even thank you for your gifts, and it does get to you - then just stop it.

Although I have done this in the past, and the people I used to buy for (who never bothered reciprocating or even thanking me,) started whingeing about me to people and complaining I hadn't got them anything. What a cheek! Talk about a flippin' entitled-to attitude. :eek:

So basically I just buy for people now who I really want to buy for; the ones I feel deserve it because they are special in my life, and because they are people who I love and who love me back. These people are the ones I really care about, and I don't care if they get me anything back.

Oh and give up the charity shop work if you are not enjoying it. Why make yourself more miserable?!

marisco_2

Stop doing so much for other people and focus on putting your time and energy into things that make you happy instead. It doesn't make you selfish. Often it is necessary.