Mum's 2 Weeks To Live That Nobody Knew About.

Picky_Pickle

Let it go is the best advice I can give, nothing from the hospital can bring back your loved one.

Tigsteroonie

Your Dad (FIL) is still quite young. The ombudsman and legal experts have advised that the complaint can go no further. You don't think he needs grief counselling.

How about if he does something more useful, something that could help others either going through the process or to prevent others from suffering similar heart issues? I'm sure that various pertinent charities would be grateful for his help - fundraising for research, befriending others, that kind of thing. He needs an outlet for his frustrations, and helping others n a similar situation imight give him that outlet

lincroft1710

Andy, if you had said it was your MIL rather than your own mother, then pointless2 would not have had question the veracity of the thread.

This may sound unsympathetic, but your FIL should move on. The doctor was absolved, there is no evidence of any wrongdoing on his part. He has had the answers, which possibly were not what he was hoping for, but I presume your MIL's medical records were made available and those would be the evidence of consultations and treatments.

pointless2

OP, apologies. I meant no offence and merely took you at face value.

I hope your FIL finds a way to move on. Some good suggestions on this thread, especially re thinking about how he might help other people dealing with similar issues in the future.

Best of luck.

ViolaLass

Even if it turned out to be entirely the GP's fault and intentional to boot, would this really help your FIL?

You've had your answers from the ombudsman. The fact that you didn't like what you heard is something you need to come to terms with.

pointless2

I see that one of my posts has been deleted, which I think is a bit of an over-reaction, but anyway.

One of the points in it remains valid: seizures are absolutely not a symptom of heart failure. Weight gain over 20 years would not be either: most heart failure patients lose 'flesh' weight and gain 'fluid' weight in the form of swollen ankles, legs etc, which tends to be pretty obvious (so much so that heart failure would be the first thing any dr would think of if they saw it) and also more rapid. So the diagnosis of heart failure really isn't jumping out from what you have said, and maybe it did all happen very quickly, or get masked by other unrelated symptoms. The investigations that might be done for seizures would also not diagnose heart failure; if your FIL thinks that they should have then he is misunderstanding them.

OP, I wonder if your FIL would benefit from a kind-of private medical advocate? I think they exist although you'd have to pay, and it sounds like someone that he trusts to go through your MIL's notes with him and cut through the medical jargon to try and explain what happened at each stage etc might allay some of his doubts. If such a person doesn't exist then I think they should.

I am speculating, but suppose your FIL saw that your MIL had told the GP about symptoms x, y, and z, all of which were investigated as per NICE guidelines and none of which are typical symptoms of heart failure, would that help? If not, and you think he would still feel that someone somewhere should have done something differently, then I would do whatever you can to help him move on.

I am not an expert in grief counselling, and of course you can't _make_ him go, but maybe he really just needs whatever if takes to accept that life can be unfair and that bad things can happen to lovely people without it being anyone's fault.

fairy_lights

AndyBlue1975 wrote: »

After years of going backwards and forwards with relevant ombudsman, the only outcome we received was disgusting.
Apparently, there was no clear cut way that her GP could have picked this up, and he followed NHS guidelines to the letter.

If the ombudsman ruled that there was no way the GP could have picked up on your mothers heart failure then I really don't know what you expect, she had numerous tests which presumably he initially referred her for. How is the outcome disgusting?
I don't mean to sound harsh but the suggestion that the GP is a 'murderer' is frankly ridiculous and it doesn't sound like you're doing anything to discourage your father in law from that opinion.

zailrand

This is all really sad and unexpected deaths can be really shocking. But, based on my own experience of my mum's sudden death I think moving on and trying to accept that no one is to blame (as even if they were it wouldn't bring her back) might be helpful here. My mum kept from us the severity of the condition that she finally died from - maybe there was an element of that here? It's natural to think that more could have been done, if X had been known she could still be alive etc,but you've got to live for now, grieve, accept and maybe it will get better over time. It's all very hard to bear but sometimes things do just happen and it is no ones fault. Take care.

rosyw

OP, I am sorry for your loss. I can understand the feelings of anger and wanting to blame someone, but it doesn't help, it won't bring MIL back. I felt so angry when my husband died - of heart disease! I also blamed our GP, I had good reason to, he'd very nearly caused my husband's death 10 years previously by failing to diagnose bowel cancer, thankfully the out of hours service and local hospital knew what was wrong immediately! he'd also almost killed me with a misdiagnosis, so I had plenty or reason to be angry. BUT - you have to let it go! MIL wouldn't want you to put yourselves through this, you have lives to get on with, and you MUST do that, yes,it's damned hard, but I've managed to do it, I never would have believed I could. I've done it because I know my husband wouldn't want me to be angry and unhappy, he'd want me to get on with life and make the most of it. Try to get some counselling, it will help.

AndyBlue1975

Thanks everyone.