Mum's 2 Weeks To Live That Nobody Knew About.

AndyBlue1975

Hello.

I am seeking advice and although i have tried every conceivable avenue to get justice for my Dad, i still feel that this is an unresolved issue.

My Dad has been with Mum since they were 17.
In 2013, she was admitted to Manchester Royal, after a number of months going backwards and forward to doctors and other hospitals for tests and appointments.
To cut a long story short, it was dropped on us by a consultant that she had end stage heart failure, and had two weeks or less to live.
She passed away at the young age of 62.
This was a week away from her birthday.

When the consultant announced this to us, he stated that he thought we already new that her heart was at this stage.

After years of going backwards and forwards with relevant ombudsman, the only outcome we received was disgusting.
Apparently, there was no clear cut way that her GP could have picked this up, and he followed NHS guidelines to the letter.
He was told to go on a computer course to update his record keeping skills.

My Dad doesn't want money.
He wants answers, and although they will not bring his soul mate back, it might help him to understand more as to why this happened.

I am no Doctor, and i know every person's heart troubles are different, but surely if someone is at end stage heart failure, a medical professional should pick this up???!!!

Looking back on things with her weight gain, seizures, etc, she was obviously undergoing heart failure for near two decades.

As i said i have gone to all the relevant bodies i am ware of.
I have even approached solicitors, who will not take the case on because they feel they would not win.
The only way a solicitor would take on a case like this is if we were rolling in money to throw at them!

I appreciate any advice given.

My Dad is a young at heart, gentle, laid back, 66 year old man, who we all adore.
Christmas is a tough time as it was Mum's favourite time of year.
She was always the driving force behind him, and at times we have to encourage him to wash, wash clothes, clean the toilet, etc.
At times i feel he is slowly giving up, which i totally understand.

He doesn't want any money, just the love of his life back, and although that is impossible, he needs answers.
He has the right to an apology, and a right to honesty.
He believes there have been cover ups and paperwork gone missing, but that is again an understandable sentiment.

He feels the GP is a murderer and could have prevented his wife's untimely death.

Thanks for listening to my moaning!!

TW1234

I am sad to hear of your and your father's feelings.
Perhaps this is not the best forum for the assistance you seek.
If you believe that the GP was negligent on a clinical matter about diagnosing your mother's condition, then a complaint procedure was appropriate; but it seems that you have taken this route and are not reconciled to the decision that it was a difficult diagnosis to make and not negligent.
(The requirement for the GP to be retrained about record keeping is probably irrelevant to the outcome, and may only have arisen from an investigator having to ask for further information.)
That you only learned about the condition at a late stage may be upsetting, but may have been your mother's wish.
I wonder if bereavement counselling would be helpful?

AndyBlue1975

My Mum was not even aware as she was in and out of consciousness, and seemed to be losing her mind.
I suppose the body copes with things in mysterious ways towards the end.
She then fell into a coma, and subsequently passed away.

My Dad would not go bereavement counselling as to him, it isn't what he needs.
He needs answers, and that will give him some semblance of peace.

Malthusian

I think you need to take a month off to grieve, and not speak to any doctors or solicitors during that time, or anyone else who will antagonise you. If you have a case you'll still have a case a month later.

Because your story doesn't make sense. You say that you had no idea she was in end-stage heart failure, and yet you also say it was "obvious" her heart was failing because she was gaining weight and having seizures from her early forties. If someone is overweight and having seizures in their 40s then sadly you cannot blame the doctors if they die in their 60s.

Your dad is only 66 and could still easily have 20+ years of life ahead of him if he is physically in good shape. If it is true that his wife was his driving force then he needs some other reason to live his life (after he has had time to grieve, of course), and this isn't going to help.

getmore4less

Was the death referred to the coroner.

gettingtheresometime

My FIL was only told that my MIL was terminally ill a month before she died even though she'd been seeing doctors for months / years beforehand.

It turns out that she had kept her illness from him & the rest of the family...it was her choice as to how she dealt with the illness.

Could this have been the case with your mum?

Grumpelstiltskin

The OP says this happened in 2013, 3+ years ago.

The family seem obsessed by what happened, it is not healthy to be in this situation after such a long time. They need to let go and grieve.

The longer they continue with this the worse it will become. sometimes life and death isn't fair. Fact

Mojisola

AndyBlue1975 wrote: »

After years of going backwards and forwards with relevant ombudsman, the only outcome we received was disgusting.

Apparently, there was no clear cut way that her GP could have picked this up, and he followed NHS guidelines to the letter.

I have even approached solicitors, who will not take the case on because they feel they would not win.

He doesn't want any money, just the love of his life back, and although that is impossible, he needs answers.

My Mum and Dad had been together for 75 years when Mum died suddenly so I know how devastating it can be for the one left alone after a lifetime together.

He has the right to an apology, and a right to honesty.

He believes there have been cover ups and paperwork gone missing, but that is again an understandable sentiment.

He feels the GP is a murderer and could have prevented his wife's untimely death.

His feelings are understandable but if the ombudsman has ruled that way and no solicitor thinks he/she can win the case, maybe they are right.

It's a very strong emotion to think that the GP is a murderer - it can't be healthy for him to be focusing on those feelings.

Yorkshireman99

AndyBlue1975 wrote: »

Hello.

I am seeking advice and although i have tried every conceivable avenue to get justice for my Dad, i still feel that this is an unresolved issue.

My Dad has been with Mum since they were 17.
In 2013, she was admitted to Manchester Royal, after a number of months going backwards and forward to doctors and other hospitals for tests and appointments.
To cut a long story short, it was dropped on us by a consultant that she had end stage heart failure, and had two weeks or less to live.
She passed away at the young age of 62.
This was a week away from her birthday.

When the consultant announced this to us, he stated that he thought we already new that her heart was at this stage.

After years of going backwards and forwards with relevant ombudsman, the only outcome we received was disgusting.
Apparently, there was no clear cut way that her GP could have picked this up, and he followed NHS guidelines to the letter.
He was told to go on a computer course to update his record keeping skills.

My Dad doesn't want money.
He wants answers, and although they will not bring his soul mate back, it might help him to understand more as to why this happened.

I am no Doctor, and i know every person's heart troubles are different, but surely if someone is at end stage heart failure, a medical professional should pick this up???!!!

Looking back on things with her weight gain, seizures, etc, she was obviously undergoing heart failure for near two decades.

As i said i have gone to all the relevant bodies i am ware of.
I have even approached solicitors, who will not take the case on because they feel they would not win.
The only way a solicitor would take on a case like this is if we were rolling in money to throw at them!

I appreciate any advice given.

My Dad is a young at heart, gentle, laid back, 66 year old man, who we all adore.
Christmas is a tough time as it was Mum's favourite time of year.
She was always the driving force behind him, and at times we have to encourage him to wash, wash clothes, clean the toilet, etc.
At times i feel he is slowly giving up, which i totally understand.

He doesn't want any money, just the love of his life back, and although that is impossible, he needs answers.
He has the right to an apology, and a right to honesty.
He believes there have been cover ups and paperwork gone missing, but that is again an understandable sentiment.

He feels the GP is a murderer and could have prevented his wife's untimely death.

Thanks for listening to my moaning!!

Realistiicly, from what you have said, your father is going to get nowhere unless, and until, he gets some counselling. He has no cause of action against anyone.

TBagpuss

I think part of the issue may be that if your mum didn't seekhelp about the specifc issues then the GP may not have had any way tro diasgnose her.

Weight gain may be a sympton of all sorts of the things. It seems odd that a doctor would not seek to investigate seizures , if they were made aware of these, but again, your mum would have had to have raised the issue and to have cooperated with any investigation. Is it possible that she didn't bring up the seizures or didn't follow through?

It must have ben dreadful for you and your dad, and a terrible shock, but that doesn't automoatically mean that the Gp was negligent.

If you've been down the route of complaints and ombudsmen and solicitors and have not got the result you want, then it may be time to accept that the doctor was not negligent.

It does sound a little as if your dad is channelling his grief into balming others rather than trying to come to terms with his loss, but unfortunately that is probably not healthy or productive.

AndyBlue1975

OK.
To rectify the confusion.

My Mum who passed away is my Mum in law.
My Dad is my Father In Law.
But i just see them as Mum and Dad.
So i am greedy, had two mum's, and had one taken away early from us all.
My Father in law is a man that should be used as an example in any books that decide to write about how to be a good dad, man, and husband.
Broke the mould when they made him.

Pointless - My perception may be wrong on this, but from where i am standing, your post is borderline trolling.