We'd like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum. This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are - or become - political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
We're aware that dates on the Forum are not currently showing correctly. Please bear with us while we get this fixed, and see Site feedback for updates.

Want to do better

Sorry for this slightly strange post but hopefully it isn't too hard to understand!

I have 2 kids (18 months and 6) and not very much money at present (I had to give up work when 2nd was born as we couldn't afford childcare for two. I hope to go back to work either when 2nd starts nursery at the age of 3 or school). Finances will also improve slightly in a couple of months when we have cleared a large credit card debt.

Anyway, obviously we do things together but I still feel like sometimes I could do better for them with regards to 'quality/family' time.

I am not generally a follower of doing what I see a lot of other parents I know doing! (usually because it costs too much money for constant trips out to expensive places - one friend took her 1 year old to Thorpe Park which I thought was madness) though we do spend a small amount going to smaller petting farms or similar (max cost £10 for 4 of us). We also do a lot of free activities such as going to parks, walks in the wood, craft activities using cheap bits from the £ shop etc etc. We do a! fair amount at home such as reading, pretend play, garden play and generally just having fun so it's not all bad. I don't feel that they are missing out or anything but I do feel like I/we could do better. Sometimes I'm just stumped as to what to do.! For the kids part, they would be happy to spend every day at the park but I want a bit of variety for them but need some ideas. There is also a big guilt complex on my part - I see what other parents are doing and although it's not always things that would suit us I still know that they are doing things with their kids.

Another thing I want to improve is our after school routine. We usually get home then after eldest gets changed she watches tv while I cook dinner. I am focusing on using my slow cooker more so I don't have to waste time in the afternoon but to be honest I am usually quite tired after a long day with an 18 month old so I don't have the energy to think of things to do together which I feel awful about.

I'm not really sure what I'm asking tbh! but any thoughts/suggestions etc would be hugely appreciated

Comments

  • It sounds like you are doing a good job. Don't put pressure on yourself if the are clothed, fed, warm and loved. If they are happy at the park, why does it need to change?

    Only thing I could suggest is getting your older child involved in the cooking even by grating some cheese/ laying the table/ cutting while supervised
  • It sounds as though you are doing fine. It's very easy to look at others and feel as though everyone else is doing so much better, but in reality, they won't tell you if they are struggling.

    In terms of what to do, have a look on the Nature Detectives website. There are loads of activities to make going to the park more exciting. Use junk for crafts - Pinterest is great. It works out cheaper than bought craft stuff if you can use toilet roll tubes and things like that. Did you know that you can make a hovercraft out of an old CD and a balloon? Or a finger puppet theatre out of a tissue box?

    Your older child might enjoy Rainbows or Brownies. She's Rainbow age, but there are waiting lists in many areas, so you might be best putting her onto the Brownies list if she turns seven fairly soon. It's usually quite inexpensive (less than £3 per week, many around £2 per week), but she might then want to work towards badges instead of just watching TV. On the other hand, is watching the telly such a bad thing after a day at school? Children need to relax as well as adults, and as long as she isn't sitting in fromt of the screen for hours every day, a bit of TV won't do any harm.

    Helping with household chores can be good for both children. My granddaughter (two next week) loves a duster. Kids can help to sort washing from an early age, or can pass things to you. If you have a step for the kitchen, washing cups or small plates won't do the older child any harm. Put a washing up bowl on a towel on the floor if the little one wants to join in.

    Most of all, believe in yourself. You sound as though you are doing a great job. The parents who seem to be able to manage everything still have bad times. Those who can afford everything might be lucky, or they might be in debt. You are giving your children time, attention and love. Don't beat yourself up.
  • rach_k
    rach_k Posts: 2,248 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Does your 6 year old have a school lunch? If so, you could consider switching your main (cooked) meal of the day to lunch time, at least during the week. School lunches (here, at least) are a full cooked meal plus salad and dessert so you could easily do simpler meals like a sandwich and soup, egg and beans on toast, jacket potato etc for the evening meal instead. That would probably mean cooking a main meal at lunch time for your toddler but as you have all day with him/her, it isn't such a big deal to take the time to cook it. If you and your OH prefer a cooked evening meal, save some for later.

    I wouldn't worry too much about 'doing things'. Just relax with your kids! It's your time and attention that matters... although they don't always need those either, kids should be allowed to make their own fun too IMO.
  • Sounds to me you are doing a lot of things already. Kids that age want to spend time together its not the cost that counts. Does your six year old have a friend she could invite over for tea? How about a ' movie night' find a film on TV and snuggle up with as bag of popcorn. Board games or puzzles from the charity shop? Colouring, drawing, pokemon go if you have a compatible phone ( I don't) but heard its good. We used to go puddle splashing!! Put on old clothes and boots and find big puddles to splash in! Then a nice bubble bath afterwards. When you have more money you could maybe do a dance class or swimming or brownies or scouts is good value. Personally I think you sound great. Its easy to pay for activities to keep the kids busy ( how many parents do that's just to buy themselves an easy life?!) but putting the effort in to spend quality time together is harder but more precious.
This discussion has been closed.
Meet your Ambassadors

🚀 Getting Started

Hi new member!

Our Getting Started Guide will help you get the most out of the Forum

Categories

  • All Categories
  • 348.3K Banking & Borrowing
  • 252.1K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
  • 452.4K Spending & Discounts
  • 240.9K Work, Benefits & Business
  • 617.2K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
  • 175.7K Life & Family
  • 254.1K Travel & Transport
  • 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
  • 16K Discuss & Feedback
  • 15.1K Coronavirus Support Boards

Is this how you want to be seen?

We see you are using a default avatar. It takes only a few seconds to pick a picture.