Possible misuse of Power of Attorney

Tuesday_Tenor

Very difficult situation, where intervention could have unintended consequences.

I think I would:

1) Read up on financial abuse (links given, and AgeUK). Talk to the local safeguarding team at social services about the situation, in general terms, without naming the family, so that you are informed about what they could do. Think about the possible consequences, especially that it might not be possible for the mothers needs to be properly met at home.

2) Be prepared to talk to the son about the easiest ( as the most obvious) aspect, clothing. How do you communicate with your relative now? Do you visit? Is son there at the time? Or are you only on phone contact? Or are there other closer relatives who can talk to the son about his mother's needs?

3) Identify what her greatest clothing need is at the moment, and buy that as a Christmas present. Use the gift-giving as an opportunity to point out that she also needs X,Y or Z for the winter, or will need in a few weeks. Offer to help with sourcing it/them if that's not something he would find easy, and ask how much you could spend.

It's his reaction to this suggestion that will determine your future action. He may point out that she actually has lots of clothes but has forgotten, or won't wear them. ( in which case neither the problem nor the solution is a financial one). You may turn out to be part of the solution as he welcomes the suggested support. Or he may reject your offer, and if his mother continues to have her needs neglected, even after they have been pointed out, then you have more grounds for identifying the concerns to Social Services.

Tuesday_Tenor

I also think the fact that she's lost so much weight is something you must talk to the son about. Is he concerned? What is the reason / what does he think is the reason? It could be many things, each of which requires different assessment and intervention: is there an new underlying medical condition? Does she have swallowing problems? Does she feed herself but find it so difficult that she doesn't eat much? Is she getting sufficiently nutritious meals?

If you can't get over your previous problems with the son, for the sake of you relative's basic needs, that's pretty sad. If you really can't, then at the minimum you need to express your concerns about the weight loss, suggest to him that he consults the GP about it, and tell him that if he doesn't then you will express you concerns about it to the GP yourself. And then do so.

The son needs to be made aware that there are unmet needs, and that other people are noticing them.

Another track to consider:
If he is her Carer, then he is entitled to a social services Carers Assessment himself. He may have unmet needs for information, for respite care, etc. For all you know ( as you don't currently speak) he may be desperate for support to care better.