Something's snapped in me - change is afoot

AliceBanned

Sometimes you can stay in a painful situation for years and years, being stoical or out of fear or desperation.


I have posted numerous threads on here over the years and received great advice and always appreciate this. Friends in real life may not do the same as they can be naysayers and don't like too much change, or whatever other reason.


I've had my LBM and started making changes and am serious about becoming debt free and living fairly frugally for a while longer.


I have a secure average-paying job in London which interests me a bit still after nearly 9 years, but somehow socially and career-wise I have felt held back. Last night was the final straw when I received yet more evidence that the director of my dept is a bullying psychopath who will never change, and no one will listen to my plight because I am way down the pecking order. it is an intractable situation and I finally accept this and will move on.


However I feel I need complete change as it is one thing sorting out my finances, but I am stuck, have suffered severe depression (largely due probably to a toxic work environment that I can't win) and am coming out of it after a course of CBT and starting to protect myself and grow some self-belief.


To cut a long story short I have previously investigated journalism courses and found one that is highly regarded, either 3 months full time or 1 year of Saturdays and Monday evenings.


My flat expenses/debts are crippling and one way to solve all three problems and have a career change would be to sell my shared ownership flat, move to London in a houseshare for 3 months or a year, pay off the debts (I think I might have £40-45k equity when I sell) keep saving, keep changing, keep positive and turn my life around.


Obviously this is big and scarey but something in me is determined now. The bullying (in a subtle way) last night just made me think 'you know what, you deserve way better than this'.


Yes I may lose out a bit financially but I should still be able to get back on the property ladder after I have finished the course, and I will work hard either part or full time through the whole course (depending on which timescale). The course is also being run in Manchester which is another (exciting, fun) option and maybe cheaper to pay living expenses.


Maybe sometimes we just have to take a jump like this - otherwise nothing will change and happiness and fun and fulfilment are important too. I would then be armed with more skills than I have now - even if journalism proves too competitive I can go back to management administration which I do now and get average pay.


The alternative is risk my reputation even more by being stuck with a demagogue (he actually compared himself to Putin once) who will block my every move and make me feel downhearted - there is definitely no promotion for me there, he will (and has) make sure of that even when I try my best.


Any feedback would be appreciated. Just helps to throw these ideas about before making the move. The debts are a problem and I don't want to default or feel any worse off, but my equity could be used as an opportunity and a deposit for a cheaper place or even a buy to let. All will take a few months or a year but at least I have a goal now. Someone putting me down so badly has made me want to prove them wrong.

Needhelpsaving

Hi AliceBanned,

I just wanted to pop by to wish you well in your journey. There are certainly people on these boards who can give great advice and I will watch your progress with interest.

AliceBanned

Thanks needhelpsaving. Best of luck with your savings plan!:)

Frugaliza

As you have a foot in the London property market - don't sell. Move out though and rent out your flat. You'll have lower costs and possibly more fun in a shared house but make some rental income from the flat. You can go back to it when you're more sorted.

I did this once years ago to pay off a £10K debt which I managed in a year - mainly through renting out my flat and taking a room in a shared house just like you're suggesting.

Molillie

Hello, I thought the same as Frugaliza, rent out your place, and go into a share, it's likely to work better in the long run. I have friends who moved to the county where I live some twenty years ago, expecting to return to London, and so they let out their house there. They didn't return, but gradually, the profit from tenants increased, the mortgage was cleared, and now they are able to let their adult children live in it for bill payment only, a huge help to them at the start of their working lives.
I know you would actually be in London too, but the principle of not getting off the housing ladder if you can avoid it would be the same. I also know others who just rented out their place when they were on postgraduate courses and the like, and were too far away to commute. Good luck, maybe just break down your options into a lot of small decisions, and work your way through them, your description of possible plans did sound like eating the elephant.

AliceBanned

Thanks - unfortunately as it is shared ownership I can't let it out. I have tried to increase my share but I have been refused by lenders.


But I agree about not getting off the property ladder - even for 6 months it is probably not a good idea. But I do need to make changes so I plan to put it on the market - I bought it 3 years ago and even on my 40% share I have increased my equity by around £30k.


In the area I live I think I can buy something on the open market - a much smaller flat in less desirable area but even so, at least I will still own property. I just need to downsize a bit. I could then let it and then be free to move around/houseshare for a while. The only obstacle to this is if I don't get enough for the flat I'm in then I won't be able to buy something else. Either way I need to change something soon - that has already been decided and I think the financial ties are really holding me back.


Good to hear that renting out worked out well for you/your friends and that it might be my most sensible option. I no longer feel I have to stay trapped - there are always options and it is probably not good to keep on putting up with an unhappy situation.

AliceBanned

PS I'm not in London, I'm in Hemel Hempstead, Hertfordshire. I am close to a station and the journey to Euston is 30 mins. Perhaps these days it is almost as good as being in London in terms of property values but the train fares are an issue - £3,200 per year at present and will only rise.


Property prices have been rising fairly quickly and will probably continue so ideally I don't want to move further out. I may have to move into a less attractive part of town - I am in one of the most expensive areas at the moment. Have also considered somewhere like Leighton Buzzard where you get a lot for your money - about an hour's commute into London. I suppose I will have to buy where I can afford but I agree that I need to consider having a foothold somewhere that will be reasonably ok for my future and enable me to stay near London or another big city for work.

AliceBanned

Actually a less radical option would be to stay where I am, book Air bnb on Friday nights so I can do the course in south London on Saturdays, and work from home more or go part time in current job until I have finished the course.


I think it would be sensible for me to continue to work full-time or 4 days a week whilst doing the course.


In any case I will get a valuation done and start the selling process and take it from there, as until I know what I can get for my current flat it is unclear what is the best way forward and I don't want to make any silly mistakes.


Thanks for the advice guys.


I am working from home today which is maybe why I feel more positive about staying in the job for a while longer. I don't see why I should be harassed out of it by one person. But I am taking my emotional and mental health seriously at the same time and I need to weigh everything up.

NorthernMonkey1

You have to choose to allow that person to have an impact on your mental health. You can also choose to not allow that person to do that to you.

Even if he is a *&^(, you can not let him get to you.

It's not easy, but it can be done

AliceBanned

NorthernMonkey1 wrote: »

You have to choose to allow that person to have an impact on your mental health. You can also choose to not allow that person to do that to you.

Even if he is a *&^(, you can not let him get to you.

It's not easy, but it can be done

Thanks NorthernMonkey. I do work on this and the CBT has helped.


But when there is malicious gossip as well - and possibly a witch hunt..it damages careers. I am trying to take full responsibility for myself and my career but what can I do if I am stabbed in the back but don't even know it? It sounds paranoid but then that doesn't mean they are not out to get me. Sometimes people are bullied by groups at work and then they are treated as strange because they don't fit in - you fight the stigma but the stigma is there and your reputation is tarnished unfairly. How can you fit in when people mistreat you for no reason? Why would you want to?


It's a pretty tough situation and should make me stronger but it is a type of clique and a kind of gossip that continues after people have left and then the new people get influenced; because it is coming from someone pretty nasty who does it in very subtle ways. I have some evidence but not enough to do anything about. I have spoken to HR and even they said 'sometimes you have a gut feeling' but have done nothing to help me. I feel trapped.


I realised the other day that there are 3 other women it has happened to over the time I have been there ie that the same man hated - we are all single! One of them was unfairly sacked - though she was a problem but no more than some other people whose jobs remain secure. She just wasn't liked and she was pushed out in a horrible way. In the days of real witch hunts it was considered that being single meant a woman was to be suspected of being a witch. In this situation we are financially more vulnerable than those married or cohabiting and also likely to be emotionally more vulnerable - he is weak like any bully so it is easier to pick on people who really need the income to survive (more than others might in any case, as we all do). I seriously think he is a psycopath who enjoys being cruel but I make every effort now to hold my head up high and not show any upset.


Even our previous CEO left after a year in very suspicious circumstances and suddenly with no notice- now he has been promoted to CEO. It is all a bit sick tbh but I am taking lots of leave at the mo, focusing on positive steps I can take and moving on as to fight someone who even got rid of a CEO and 2 other colleagues is going to be pretty much impossible.


OK the bit about medieval witches really sounds ott but I am living with a real threat to my wellbeing career-wise even if not emotionally.

gallygirl

AliceBanned wrote: »

Actually a less radical option would be to stay where I am, book Air bnb on Friday nights so I can do the course in south London on Saturdays, and work from home more or go part time in current job until I have finished the course.


I think it would be sensible for me to continue to work full-time or 4 days a week whilst doing the course.

You may well find you can handle the job/boss situation much better when you know you are working on an out and can see a timescale in your head.

Speaking of airbnb, do you have 2 beds? Could you sort out your second room and let it on airbnb? My daughter makes a very good second income on this :T. That shouldn't count as letting as far as your mortgage is concerned. Not that they'd ever find out .